It’s Time to Separate Religion from Marriage; if You Haven’t Already

Today, being a Sunday, I want to address a practice involving religion that I find to be incredibly archaic; and I believe the contemporary woman should not undergo.

Disclaimer: I know some people may not agree with me, but this space here allows me to speak my mind and call out some of the challenges that continue to affect modern women, that I believe are outdated and should be abolished.

The funny thing is, I had written a different article addressing the same topic but in a more raw and personal way, but I lost it. I have a hard copy of it, but I decided to juggle my mind and write afresh instead of retyping it. I have so much hatred and opposition against this issue that I could rewrite it in a thousand different ways😂 The hatred is so deep that I am  literally talking to myself (like the crazy woman I am) as I write this.

Okay, enough with the yapping…Let’s get to the elephant in the room.

The issue I am talking about today, I don’t know whether it’s a tradition, an undefined societal norm, or where the hell the whole thing came from. Apparently, there is a notion that women have to change their church (denominations) and join their husbands’ church after marriage. I find this to be not only absurd but borderline insane. Before I give my reasons for being against this, let’s look at it religiously. First, despite being married, a woman should have a life where she can make her own decisions, one of the most important decisions being her faith. I mean, should she join the other church without believing? And if she does so, doesn’t that incriminate her faith and her relationship with God. Because after all is said and done, we will all be judged separately. Moreover, don’t we all worship the same God, just in different ways? So why force a woman to join your church when she worships the same God in hers?

Now on to my reasons…

First, women are allowed to be independent thinkers; just because you are married does not mean that she should live your life. I find it very condescending and controlling.

Also, it is safe to say that it is one of my worst traditions, so it just triggers my anger. The worst part, to me, is that it is sometimes the women who tell a young bride that she has to change to her husband’s faith now. “It is what our grandmothers did; it is what a good wife does.”

God bless their souls; our grandmothers had no opportunity to oppose or even call out some of these traditions. They did some of these things because they had no choice. We live in different times now, a new era. Women can make their own decisions and choose their religion and denominations.

The good news is that many literate, open-minded, and civilized men also consider it trash. I added open-minded and civilized because I have seen literate men and women who still have quite an archaic mindset.

I have seen men who supported their women in their different denominations while they stuck to theirs, and their families stood. But, I have also seen men who got so attracted to their wives religion, believed, and started attending their churches. So, it is also possible for women to eventually switch to their husbands’ churches; but by choice and faith.

I can imagine that some women and men who read this text will be surprised that the “tradition” remains. But if it affects even 1% of the contemporary woman, we have to discuss it.  I also know that others will read it and consider me “lost” for opposing and criticizing the practice but you’ll have to give me good reasons why this practice is still necessary. We might not agree but I’ll hear your point of view. As the great French essayist, Joseph Joubert, once said, It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it..

❤❤❤❤

Nyambura Macharia