Category: 2021

  • My Mother’s Story Part Two: Getting Help

    My Mother’s Story Part Two: Getting Help

    We had quite a smooth trip after which we arrived at the hospital  around 10:30 a.m. I remember thinking, we are only thirty minutes late, that’s got to be some kind of record I’ve made(I’m always late, which makes everyone late) However, just as we were about to get in the hospital, we got the shock of a lifetime. We had left behind the most important documents of all. Well, not literal documents–the CT and MRI scans. This is what would have been referred to as a classic Joyce move, had I been the one given the responsibility to carry the images. I still don’t understand how the images were left behind. But in hindsight, I believe that it was really God’s way of showing us that–like my mother had said before–everything was happening just as He had planned.

    December, 2022

    Despite our disappointment, we really had to think fast, and organized for the images to be sent through a matatu. This would take 3 hours for us to get them but what choice did we have? Also, coincidentally that day, Dr. F.Koech, the one my mother had an appointment with, was running late. Now this was a blessing in disguise, and part of God’s plan, because we could not see him without the scans. Three hours past and the driver said he was still on his way. Apparently, there was a lot of traffic jam as the road was under construction. At this point we had started to panic because doctor F.Koech had arrived. But who is God? Turned out he first had to go round the wards checking on the other patients and possibly discharging those he deemed fit. I must say that, the wait had become too long that we had started to get sceptical about the efficiency of the hospital. But it’s just because we were anxious and scared of history repeating itself–shame on us for doubting them.

    In an hour’s time, we already had the images and we were carefully directed to the waiting room–just me and my mother. There were quite a number of people waiting which was sad because they all had the big CT and MRI scans. It was sad because I realized just how many people are dealing with health issues everyday, and just how far some travel to find medical help. Seeing my mom, the nurse who took her blood pressure was so sympathetic. She pulled me to the side and told me, “I really wish you could see the doctor first, but it will be unfair since the others have also waited, seeing that he was late today.” However, she told me that after the first five patients went in, she would squeeze us in. And to her word, she did. That meant that in less than 30 minutes after the scans arrived, it was our turn to see the doctor. 😊

    Finally, he sighed, looked at my mother and asked, “Mama you mean all this time you have not been helped?” “naona umesumbuka na umezunguka sana,” he added. He then finished with, “Lakini usijali, umefika.”

    At this point I really had to ask whether he could help her just to be sure, and he said yes. Again he rechecked the images (which I loved, because it showed he really was being meticulous in his work). The interesting thing was that he never even once examined my mom. Nothing, he just carefully analyzed the images. After around 15 minutes, he now started explaining to us, her exact condition and what really needed to be done to treat her. He told us that as a neurosurgeon he would be the main surgeon, but her tumour covered other areas. Thus, he needed a team of surgeons; an eye surgeon, an ENT surgeon, and a beautician (I intentionally avoided using their professional names since this isn’t a medical blog). My mother was shook when he heard this because she had heard it before in her previous hospital and it had taken a year. But to our surprise, Dr. Koech started making the phone calls immediately. My mother and I were in total bewilderment when he said that she could even have the surgery that night! I mean literally, “tulikua tumefika.”

    Sadly, the ENT specialist was not available  as he was scheduled for another surgery later that night. However, he promised to be fully available the following day. By this time, it was around 5 p.m. so we really did not mind waiting until the following day. I mean, my mother had waited a whole year! Plus, actually it was for the better, so that we’d all have settled in and rested from the journey. We thanked Dr. Koech and headed to the admission desk where he directed us.

    The following day, February 19th, we were told by the hospital that my mother would need at least 12 pints of blood for her surgery. This meant that we had to find donors so that the world blood bank would provide the paints of blood. Remember my brother and I had never once, set foot in Eldoret. Luckily, Leroy’s dad had, and his cousin-brother was fortunately in Eldoret. We then called my cousin who called some of her friends to come donate–she had schooled in Eldoret  and pretty much grown up there. God was seriously overseeing everything for us because when we could not find enough people to donate—some of us were deemed ineligible to donate–we were given an exception.

    Finally, around 3 p.m, my mother was wheeled into the theatre room, and we did not see her until the following day. Get this, my brother and I were the signatories to her surgery. I know I’m a mother, but that has to be the  most  “adult” responsibility ever. During the surgery, my brother and I stayed outside the hospital, trying as much as we could to avoid that discussion–I honestly think distraction is the best way to handle tough situations. Still, it was hard to avoid the many calls which kept coming in, especially on mom’s phone.

    At around 9 p.m, one nurse came and told me that my mother was out of surgery and had been wheeled to the I.C.U and we could see her the following morning (I was the only one allowed to sleep in the hospital, as the caretaker)  She said it with a smile so even though she didn’t tell me, I knew the surgery was a success. I called everyone who had contacted me, informed them and finally I could sleep.

    The following morning my brother was at the hospital by 6:30 a.m. and fifteen minutes later we went to see her. Miraculously, she was already awake, and the swelling, was gone! We could barely acknowledge the bandage on her head, nor the discomfort she must have been in from excitement. She was back to her “old self.’’ Believe me, it was almost unreal! The good thing was that she was not in pain as the stitched part was still numb, and she was under heavy pain medication.

    The third day, she was stable and she was transferred to the ward. At least there, I’d keep her company so she wouldn’t get bored. We stayed at the hospital for ten days through which we were treated with uttermost professionalism, hospitality and kindness. By the time we were discharged, my mother might not have been fully healed, but her improvement was nothing short of a miracle. And for that, we’ll forever be grateful to God, and the entire Tophill hospital fraternity. Because that is where we got help.

    One year later, my mother is doing so much better and resuming her normal life 😊

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia

  • My Mother’s Story Part One: Finding Help

    My Mother’s Story Part One: Finding Help

    This past Saturday, 19th February 2022, marked exactly one year since my mother got her life-changing surgery. Over the past year, I have mentioned in several of my stories about taking her to the hospital but I have never really written about it in detail. I have intentionally avoided writing about it because of various reasons. 

    First, I didn’t want to attach her before pictures to the story, because they just break my heart. Second, part of me felt (still feels) like by writing about it, I would be trying to use her illness to popularize my blog which would be the last thing I would want to do. Finally, I don’t know. I just wasn’t (still isn’t fully) comfortable writing about it.

    So why I’m I writing about it today? Because my mother—God Bless her Soul—insists that the story could help someone.

    “You know you’re scared of posting the before pictures because of how bad you think they are. But those are the ones that need to be seen the most. There could be someone in the same or worse situation and once they – or their friends and family see them – they would know where to turn to.” Her actual words.

    She had been going to KNH for almost a year following a twisted web of appointments that led nowhere. Her condition got exceptionally worse and turned into our worst nightmare. Of course, she’s right. Nobody should go what she had to when there was another way out.

    So now more than ever, the story needs to be heard.

    After my mother had been in Kenyatta for a while, we started looking for options. That’s when I learnt about Top Hill hospital. I mean I had heard about the hospital before, but it so happened that Leroy’s father had recently taken a friend of his to the hospital and he had received the help he deserved. What amazed me, was the convenience with which he went and got his treatment (which happened to be a surgery).

    So one day I was telling him (Leroy’s dad) about how my mother had not yet received help, and she kept on getting worse. Her face was literally swelling by the day. That’s when he suggested that we try taking her to Top Hill. I had thought about it, but it was just one of those thoughts that you did not fully have because you brushed it off too fast. Somehow, I did not find it feasible to ask my mother to travel all the way from Thika to Eldoret to get treatment. I myself had never even been there. Also, you know the typical thing is for a patient to travel from Eldoret to Nairobi to get treatment. I also didn’t think that the thought would even be embraced by my mother herself, leave alone the rest of the family.

    Either way, I googled Top Hill, trying to get their contacts, and I did. You know what even seemed more unbelievable to me, as soon as I texted via WhatsApp, I got instant feedback. And not, it wasn’t the WhatsApp autoreply messages. The hospital actually had a functional customer care service desk and helpline.

    I told my brother about it and he told me to pursue the enquiry before I could ask mom about it. However, ” the guy I was talking to” through the helpline number asked me for my mother’s medical history. You see, he wasn’t a doctor, he was just the receptionist, so for him to confirm whether the hospital could help my mother, he needed her medical history to confirm with an actual doctor. I had told him that my mother was in Murang’a at the time, so it would really be a bother to have her travel all the way when she had no assurance that she could get the help she needed. And honestly, he really got me.

    However, this also meant that I had to call my mom to ask for images of her medical records, and so I had to tell her about “my plan”, ready to do a lot of convincing if I had to. But contrary to my expectations, I didn’t have to. She was ready to try anywhere else. With the excruciating headaches she was having, she said was ready to try anywhere. “Handū ha ndūre ngirītīte Kīnyata,” as she put it–Kikuyu to mean instead of always trying to pursue help from Kenyatta Hospital.

    After my mother sent images of her medical history, everything moved really fast from then on. I forwarded the images to the guy and within two hours or so, he confirmed that my mother could get help. He further advised that it was best for her to meet the hospital’s main surgeon, who is also the founder of the Hospital, Dr. F. Koech. Now the tricky part was that he was only available on Tuesday and Thursday from 10 a.m. When I received this information, it was on a Tuesday evening. That meant that if my mother was to make it to see him that Thursday at 10 (the much-desired outcome), she had to travel the following day. So we had to act fast, and I wasn’t sure such a long journey could be planned in such a short time.  Either way, I called my brother and according to him, Thursday was the only option. (He had taken mom to KNH the previous day, and according to him, her state was an emergency).

    So that evening he went home and together with my dad they made the necessary arrangements and my brother was to travel with my mom the following day. The plan was for them to come and spend the night at my place, Kaplong, which is a reasonably close distance to Eldoret. Either way, we still needed to wake up early the following day since it was still a 3-4 hour drive to Eldoret. I had not seen my mother for a while so when I saw her, I understood why my brother thought it was an emergency.  Her eye and entire left face were so swollen that she looked nothing like my mother😞💔.

    I couldn’t even get myself to look at her. I felt bad that she had been going to KNH from the time it was just a minor swelling up to the point where her face was literally deformed. What broke my heart the most was that all they had done on her last visit was tell her they would call. As if they hadn’t told her that before.  And I felt I had failed her terribly for not seeing her often enough to know she needed a way out. But, she kept on saying not to worry because everything was happening as God had planned and I just could not fathom the faith in that woman. It was admirable, palpable even. And as we later found out throughout her treatment process, she was right again, it was all in God’s timing.

    So on the 18th, Leroy’s dad, my brother, and I took my mother to the hospital…(to be continued in part two)

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia

  • They Say the More The Merrier; Could that Apply to a Wedding too?

     

    After sixteen long years without attending a wedding, this past December, I attended my cousin-sister’s wedding. It was such a lively and beautiful wedding! The unbelievable thing about the wedding is that it was planned at the very last minute. We even joked about how the committee had only two members 😂— the bride, and ‘‘Short Joyce’’ (we are 5 Joyce(s) Nyambu the First, Joyce Murimi, Pretty Joyce, Me, and Short Joyce; but that’s a story for another day)
    You know those stories you always hear about how fundis will frustrate you? I finally had an experience of my own.
    The day before the wedding, we went to pick our bridesmaids’ dresses. Being a jubilee wedding, we had chosen Kitenge fits to be unique. Oh, and yes, it worked! When we got to the fundis we had trusted with the dresses, we were utterly surprised.

    Make no mistake, saying that we were utterly surprised is a serious understatement. Three dresses were complete and done well (though not to our expectations) but my dress couldn’t have been further from the design I wanted. As if that was not enough, it wouldn’t even fit me! The grudgingly annoying thing is that one of the girls who worked at the shop implied that I was the one wearing it wrong! Let’s give her a name, she seemed like a Pamela. So, Pamela insisted on trying to (allegedly) help me wear it “right”.  Now have you ever been suffocated by a dress and you can’t take it out?! That was me at that moment. Thanks Pamela, but you almost choked me to death with a dress! You probably wouldn’t believe me when I say that that was not the worst-case scenario but it really wasn’t. One dress was not made and the fundis didn’t know it! They literally took ‘‘Pretty Joyce’s’’ measurements then, and started looking for her Kitenge fabric. Ooh, you’re wondering what time it was for us to cause an uproar. It was almost 5. p.m., on the eve of the wedding! 😂

    And while we were all panicking, the main fundi in the shape asked, ‘‘si bora ikue ready before harusi?’’ And yes, that was it, and fortunately yes, she did deliver. We picked the dresses at around 10 a.m., and they were ready! And now that that stress was done, it was time for the much-anticipated wedding.
    The wedding took place in St. Thomas A.C.K Huruma with a total of three couples. Now let me tell you the pros and cons of a jubilee wedding. Now I know that the obvious pro everyone knows about is on the aspect of money and you are right. Jubilee weddings are a great way of having a budget wedding. For example, at the wedding I attended, the church funded the food, which was a great save for the couples. But then again, one of the couples who had the wedding had their private reception at a different venue so they did not conduct the wedding because of the budget savings. Still, I would never have known about that had I not been told so it is really not on the list of the pros I observed.


    Now to the pros, I observed,


    You know the saying, ‘‘The more the merrier?’’ Yeah, that’s true! The wedding had three couples so more attendees from their various families. Imagine having three entrances in three different songs, dances, and bridesmaids in different outfits, how beautiful is that?
    The second pro, the occasion was indeed a celebration of love. We went to the wedding for our couple-Nyambura and Njihia-but that did not mean that we did not celebrate with the other couples. We cheered just as much when it was their turn to perform, give out their vows, dances, and speeches. And vice versa was true, at the end of the wedding, there was a surprise birthday celebration for Njihia (Nyambura the bride had secretly organized and got the cake) and you should have seen how the other couple and their people sang along!


    The third pro is quite an interesting one and might seem far-fetched but here it is. I believe the wedding gave the couples confidence. If you ask me, a wedding is more like a performance. The couple getting married is literally on a stage performing to a huge crowd. This can cause them serious stage fright, especially when they are naturally shy. In a jubilee wedding like Nyambura’s, there are several couples at the stage which could ease up on the stage fright. At the beginning of the wedding, our Nyambura was extremely shy, and so was the other bride I kept tabs on, Lucy. (I have to say, Lucy was such a happy bride. She could not wipe off the smile of her face which was just so beautiful) However, as the wedding continued, they gave each other confidence, stopped being shy, and gave us quite a show dancing.
    The last pro I observed, no one can argue with – the wedding was a great way for people to appreciate different tribes and their cultures. You know that bride I enjoyed watching, the one with the permanent smile? She and her husband were Luo. Nyambura and the third couple (the Munenes) were Kikuyu. Now back to Lucy and her people, they played really beautiful Luo songs when it was their turn to perform. And the way her people danced, you just found yourself swaying and dancing, even when you could not understand the music. I remember seeing my cousin on one of the ‘‘dancing circles’’ of Lucy’s people and she said, ‘‘Nī gūtahwo’’. Directly translated, this means ‘‘I was scooped’’ which is the best way to say she simply got swayed.


    Now to the cons,


    I only observed two cons, which unfortunately are huge deal breakers to a Jubilee Wedding.
    First, there is a lack of privacy. The main con of a jubilee wedding is that it is not private. You have to share your special day with other couples and their people. So, if you don’t view it with a ‘‘the more the merrier’’ perspective, you will find it to be a huge invasion of privacy, inconveniencing, and too crowded. This applies whether you are the couple getting married, or a guest to the wedding.

    Secondly, the wedding could feel like a competition. It is in human nature to be competitive. Thus, in a jubilee wedding, the couples will find themselves comparing themselves and their teams with the other couples and competing in terms of outfits, dances, wedding arrangement, among others. In this specific wedding, Nyambura decided that as the bridesmaids we should wear kitenge outfits so that we would be ‘‘unique’’ and stand out from the rest, in the spirit of competing. Also, at the end of the wedding, I remember us saying that we had won because the wedding switched to Njihia (the groom)’s surprise birthday celebration. Now I don’t know what we were competing, but we won 😂😂

  • How was My 2021 you Ask? 🤔

    The Perfect Image Representing Me for the Bigger Part of 2021 😅

    This year has been quite an bizarre one. I cannot explain whether it was short or long. When I look at it in the context of wow, it’s the very last day of 2021 I am in awe. I mean, damn! didn’t we usher in “the new year” just the other day?

    However, when I look at it in regards to the numerous events that have happened to me, the people I know, our country, and the entire world, it has been quite a long year. I mean it has really dragged it’s feet!
    Before I started writing this piece, I felt that this year was totally bad to me. But now that I think about it, it hasn’t been all bad. For starters, this year my mother received treatment in the clearest of God’s paths and after 8 hours of surgery, several months of recovery and another minor surgery, for the first time in a while, I can say she is great😃 Now you can imagine that this “hospital period” and that of her sickness was tough so you can understand why my 2021 comes off as awful as the first feel.

    Now I could write so much about 2021 but maybe I should just focus on the highlights.

    Of course I have to start with this website, my safe haven. For years I thought about creating it, but never executed it. I love writing, and so for me to have a space where I can do what I love by expressing myself and being the voice of “The Contemporary Woman” is such a great win for me. It is also a dream come true, as small as it may be, and I can’t wait to explore this path and see myself, and this lounge grow.

    So I guess, apart from being alive, happy, healthy, and safe, together with my family (these are very underrated “obvious” blessings that we really should stop over looking) my two main positive highlights of 2021 are my website, and my mother’s recovery😊

    Now getting through the year has been quite hard. My job faced the highest deep this year which meant I was broke for the most part of the year. This is normal, I know, it happens but it was the hardest because dome of the people in my circle had their best financial years. Now I seemed to really focus on my problem which only made it that much bigger. But hey, I learnt that I am a good person, because I was able to celebrate my friends wins, when I seemed to be doing nothing but lose. And you know what else I learnt? It gets better, because some of those friends who were celebrating wins have been through really hard times in the previous years, so now it was their time to win!

    This year, I experienced new levels of pain. First there was the pain of seeing my mother sick, which came with the agony of seeing her as a “person” Before, she was my mother, but being sick, I saw her from a different light. I saw her as an individual who was vulnerable, and one who could get so sick that they needed me.

    Just last month, I experienced pain I can never describe. The pain of seeing a young couple mourn their child, whom they had so much hope in. Now that was tough, very tough. You know, being in a group of people whose hearts are so heartbroken that you feel it so much that your mind formulates a visual depiction of how their hearts might look; and just how much pain they might be in. Never before have I ever seen a mother so broken that I wished there was a way I could feel at least some of the pain for them. Neither had I ever seen a father so broken, but still trying to be strong for his wife, and family, that you know he is using every ounce of strength he has. A time when you were numb from seeing so many people broken that you cannot cry, that you feel guilty and like you are a bad person because you are not crying.

    But through it all, they survived, we survived!

    Indeed 2021 has been quite a year! And as tough as it was, it shaped and prepared us for 2022. And we can only hope the new year will be a great one! Either way, “The Contemporary Woman” —you and me— we will deal with it as it comes.

     Take the bull by the horns😊

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia