The Contemporary Woman

Category: Female Issues

  • Are you a Single Mother or a Single Woman?

    Are you a Single Mother or a Single Woman?

    Yes, there is a difference

    Today, there are so many new words, terminologies and ways for people to define themselves especially in regards to their sexuality. It’s so hard to keep up and you can find yourself in trouble for using the wrong label on a person. Similarly, many relationships do not seem to last these days, divorce is at an all-time high. This means that the dynamics of relationships and homes have significantly changed. A perfect example is the rise of situationships even in marriages where many couples find themselves living as mere “roommates,” and even the “throuple” marriages. everything is confusing with so many burred lines.

    This raises the question to many women, are you a single mother or a single woman? Because with the vast change in dynamics, it is easy to confuse and mislabel the two.

    A single mother generally means a woman who raises her child(ren) alone. So yes, there are women who are married but are single mothers. It is worse for these mothers because they have an additional child in their husbands. The situation is even worse for married single mothers whose husbands are alcoholics and drug addicts who steal from them and even physically abuse them as it adds to their burden. Most of these women are mostly in rural areas where the idea of marriage is over-glorified. This means that even when a woman leaves an abusive marriage, they are considered a failure because “it is the woman who builds her home. “

    But there is good news, there are modern women who are single mothers by choice. The dynamics of the world today mean that women have more freedom, and more options. So, some women choose not to engage in relationships or marriage seeing that they are so fickle today—and instead, they choose to be mothers.

    So, who is a single woman?

    A single woman is a woman who is not married or not in a relationship. This means that even when a woman is single and is also a mother, but co-parents with their children’s father, they cannot consider themselves single mothers. The aspect of being a single mother only comes into play in the context of parenting alone. But when a father is actively present in the lives of his children, then a woman cannot consider herself a single mother because they do not go through the parent’s emotional and financial burden of doing everything alone.

    So, what is the take away?

    A single mother is not to be confused with a single woman or vice versa. And better yet, there are married single mothers and there are single women with children.  

  • The Phases of the Menstrual Cycle, their Impacts on Women’s Moods and Emotions and How Best to Deal with them.

    May is the menstrual month and as we come to an end, I realize that while some people know about menstruation and the hygienic requirements as well as the pain that comes with it, there isn’t adequate information on the general cycle of menstruation. Did you know the menstrual cycle has four specific stages which are the highest determinants of your moods and general feeling throughout the month? You didn’t? Believe it or not, you are part of the majority.

     Oh, you did? That’s good, but I bet you could use a refresher, and deeper information on these stages while we educate those who did not. In this article, we delve into the four stages of the menstrual cycle and their impact on women’s moods and emotions. By understanding these physiological and psychological changes, women can gain insights into their emotional well-being throughout the month.

    The menstrual cycle is a complex and natural process that occurs in women of reproductive age. It typically lasts for about 28 days, although variations are common. While we are all taught this, we are just but told that during our periods, we will experience mood swings, or that a few days before your menses come, you may find yourself overly emotional and crying from the tiniest of things. But nobody every really explains the hormonal and psychological changes that result in these changes. Fortunately, we are getting more empowered, curious, and ready to remove discuss openly and widely the issues impacting women, including the four distinct phases of menstruation and the exact impact each has. This cycle encompasses four distinct phases, each characterized by unique hormonal fluctuations and physiological changes.

    RELATED POSTS: How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)

    1. Menstruation Phase (Day 1-5)

    The menstrual phase marks the beginning of the menstrual cycle. This is the most popular menstrual phase because of the flow which makes is hard to miss, literally.  During this stage, hormone levels, particularly estrogen and progesterone, are at their lowest. This dip in emotions is exactly why you (we) are moody, sad, irritably and or highly sensitive. Menstruation also comes with physical discomfort, such as cramps, bloating, and fatigue, and diarrhea which causes even more irritability.  

    2. Follicular Phase (Day 6-14)

    After the menstrual phase follows the follicular phase. During this phase, the pituitary gland releases follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which triggers the growth of follicles in the ovaries. These follicles produce estrogen, leading to the thickening of the uterine lining. As estrogen levels rise, women often experience a surge in energy, improved concentration, and an overall positive mood. This phase is commonly associated with a sense of renewed vitality and increased sociability. Needless to say, this is my favorite phase, and possibly every women’s favorite phase. Because not only do we have more estrogen levels which boost our moods, but we are also experiencing the joy and relief from the nightmare that is menstruation.

    3. Ovulation (Day 14)

    The third phase of the menstrual cycle, the ovulatory phase, occurs around the 14th of the menstrual cycle. However, this can vary depending with the length of a woman’s entire cycle. During this brief period a mature egg is released from the ovary and travels down the fallopian tube, making it available for fertilization. Estrogen levels reach their peak just before ovulation making women the most fertile during this stage. Additionally, some women may experience a surge in luteinizing hormone (LH) during this phase, making it the perfect to try for a baby for the woman who wants one. The best part about this stage is that due to the peak in estrogen levels, many women report being more emotionally stable and feeling more confident, attractive, and sexually aroused during this phase. The only down to this phase and the reason its not my favorite phase is because I belong to the group of women who experience mild ovulation pain.

    4. Luteal Phase (Day 15-28)

    After the high of ovulation, the luteal phase begins. During this phase, the ruptured follicle transforms into the corpus luteum, which produces progesterone. Progesterone prepares the uterus for potential pregnancy by thickening the uterine lining. However, if fertilization does not occur during the ovulation phase, hormone levels start to decline. This results in various physical symptoms in women ranging from breast tenderness, bloating, and fatigue. Moreover, the sudden drop in estrogen and progesterone levels results in the worst of mood swings, irritability, and even premenstrual syndrome (PMS) symptoms, such as anxiety and depression. As a result, this has to be the worst menstrual phase for most women because while it may not have as much physical pain as the menstrual phase, it has adverse emotional turmoil especially depression, anxiety, self-doubt.

    So how do we deal with these menstrual phases?

    First, it is vital to recognize and acknowledge that women’s moods and emotions are influenced not only by hormonal changes but also by various external factors and personal circumstances. However, these hormonal fluctuations during the menstrual cycle can impact neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin and dopamine, which play a crucial role in regulating our general mood and emotions and it is out of our control. Therefore, the best we , you can do as a woman is being aware of these cyclical changes which can help you understand each stage or at least bear each stage gracefully knowing that even the deepest emotional pit that could come with the luteal phase will pass. Fortunately, the contemporary woman has this and more information to their disposal such that they (we) know that there is nothing wrong with us, but rather it is our nature. Even best is that we can get multiple support systems from other women and women-oriented communities which make it easier to bear these phases. Above everything else, Self-Care. Protect yourself, love yourself, and give yourself, your body and mind, exactly what it needs to bear each of these stages. This ranges from relaxation, comfort food, meditation, tough love and physical exercise.  

  • How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)

    How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)

    The Merry Merry month of May has finally come to an end and I hate to break it to you, but having entered June, we are at mid-year and officially headed towards the second half of the year. Shocking I know, I cannot believe it either. Now back to May, my favorite month if I haven’t made it obvious enough. Apart from being my birthday month and the month the world celebrates mothers, there are actually more reasons to love May. In fact, how about we just call it the month of women. Because it is also in May that we have the Global Menstrual Health Day on 28th May. I don’t know about you, but to me, this basically makes it the World’s Menstrual Health Awareness Month.

    Sometime back, probably towards the end of April I saw a post on a Facebook group “Newborns and Beyond,” where mothers, (Established Mothers) were discussing their experiences with their daughters starting their menstruation. Most of these mothers were hoping and praying that their daughters’ periods do not start until they were out of primary school. So that is until they were around 12 years. But, based on their experience, most of their daughters had had their first periods when they were as early as 8 years old!

    To be honest, I was in utter bewilderment! I mean, isn’t an 8-year-old a child anymore? I mean, my Leroy is turning 7 this year and I still consider him a child. Yet, it means that if he were a girl, he probably would be getting his periods next year. WTH! The magnitude of the situation heightens when I remember I got my first my periods when I was 12, and back then, I was considered a rather early maturer. And this was actually the case because most of my friends, who were older than me by a year or two were just having their first periods, while some had not. Still, based on what these ladies were hoping for, I consider my mother lucky because my periods came just when I was about to sit for my KCPE, (27th October 2008. How do I remember the actual date? Beats me too 😂). So, technically, I was already done with primary school.

    Sanitary Pads

    Now that their daughters were getting their periods when they were literally ‘babies,’ what these mothers were mostly concerned about was how they were going to educate their girls on how to deal with periods, what were they, and especially period hygiene, seeing that they were so young. Now this made me think, my mother never taught me any of that. Not that she was a bad mother, but it was just a rather difficult topic to address. And neither was it the norm for mothers to have that talk with their daughters, I mean, I’m certain she never had the talk with her mother either.  In fact, most of my friends who had the courage or any information about the topic while in primary school, apart from what we had learnt in reproduction, were much older and had older sisters. For the rest of us, when we were in class 8, ‘Always’ was still new in the market and in the quest to advertise their products and of course engage in CSR had come to our school, given us a short lesson on how to use their sanitary pads and given us a packet each. Of course, I gave it to my mother for safe keeping. Or was it to hide such that my brother never came across it. Yes, those were the times there was so much shame and embarrassment in menstruation and menstrual products.

    Fast forward to 2022, and I must say I am loving the progress we have made on menstrual health. This May especially, I was awed by the number of organizations, influential persons and the average persons who engaged in activities to spread word on Menstrual Health. The amazing Janet Mbugua even started a podcast, “My First Time Stories” which gives women a space to share their first period experience in a quest to end the stigma on menstruation and spread awareness on the same. While I may not have been able to do much, maybe the least I could do is acknowledge and thank every woman who took part in spreading awareness in menstruation or helping out a girl in need. Creating change doesn’t have to be huge. You can always start by helping your neighbor, a girl in need and while it might just be one person, it has impact. And it creates a ripple effect where women go on helping others and that way we will slowly transform into a fully empowered nation and world in matters regarding menstrual health. And the beauty (and disadvantage) of menstruation is that it never ends, whichever the season, or whatever fire the world is in. Women within the reproductive age still get their periods. Thus, it is never late to help a girl who needs it and make an impact. Also, I feel that with the continuous education, Contemporary Mothers will be empowered enough to have both the knowledge and confidence of having these conversations with their young girls. And for those unfortunate girls who might not have mothers or sisters to hold their hands in the journey, there will be multiple platforms where they can access the information such that they too are not alone.

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia

  • Unlearning, and Relearning the Definition of a “Broken Home”

    Unlearning, and Relearning the Definition of a “Broken Home”


      Working from home, I mostly love to sit in my bed (my office) and write alone in the silence. It is so quiet and serene which is great both for my thoughts, and my writing. Although sometimes it can get too comfortable that I lose a whole day 😭. Today, my quiet was interrupted by the wailing and screams of a woman, whose voice sounded familiar. These screams followed a loud thud from what I believe was a man hitting her. The thud sounded again and this time, she screamed even louder. By then, there was commotion as I started hearing the voices or two more women, and that of a another man—aside from the attacker.


      The argument continued for quite a while and I couldn’t help but thank God their older kids were not around to watch—being a school day. I could not quite comprehend what they are saying because they are speaking in Kipsigis, but I could hear the clear cut pain and hurt in her vibrating voice. To be honest, such incidents scare the hell out of me 😱 However, every time I pray to God that I never become that woman on the receiving end. I always find myself thinking, but that woman never asked for it either. She too, prayed to never be in that position and yet there she was.  So what makes me think I am so special?

      You know the saddest thing about such cases is that sometimes—most times—these women stay. They stay, hoping, and praying that it gets better. Because when is it really the right time to leave? And you know, sometimes it is not about traditions and the aspect of women being told to stay, “vumilia” and pray. It is not about, “ what will people say?” It is about a woman who still sees the good in the man she loved. A woman whose heart still has not come to terms with the fact that that man hitting them, is not the same man they fell-in-love with. I woman whose heart is so broken, but one who still loves.  💔💔

      Over the past two years, I have seen so many of these cases that, I have involuntarily turned into a really bitter woman. It is very unfortunate for me that I might never see marriages and partnerships in as much positivity as I did before. Or was I just naive and living in a cocoon of the Disney happily ever after? — I loved it better there.


      I read on a blog I love (they had  shared the post)  that the society should stop viewing single mothers as to having broken homes because theirs is not the typical home of a father, mother, and children.  Their homes are not broken, they are a conventional home, and happy family of the mother and her kids. Broken homes are unhappy homes filled with chaos, homes where the children live with parents who are always fighting, or homes where the parents do not talk to each other. Such homes and families are so broken that they can only be best described as roommates!

       Whenever I hear a child scream because they saw their dad hit their mother, or their mother throw something at their dad and it almost hit them, or the story of how such events happened, my heart (even in a movie, because having seen it in real life, I no longer see it as just fictional acting) I imagine the pain, confusion, anger, and resentment in children brought up in such homes, and how it will affect them as adults, and I wish I there was a prayer, or a magic potion that could make sure they happen.

      Visual Representation of a Frustrated Boy


      You know I wish there was a way the contemporary woman could tell and know that their long-term relationship and or marriage would not work in the future. That the person you trust will one day turn into the one that wrecks you, and the family you built together. Then we would simply let them go when it is easy. Because honestly, teaching your heart to leave when you have spent 15 years and shared 2 to 3 kids with them, (and you don’t know who you are without them) that has got to be the literal leap of faith.  Sadly, most women do not get the strength to choose themselves and do it. Instead, they choose their families; they stay for their kids.  They just are oblivious of the fact that they choose broken families themselves and their kids. We really need to unlearn, and re-learning the definition of a broken home.

      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia

    • Childbirth is Rosy, but Roses have Thorns too ;(

      Childbirth is Rosy, but Roses have Thorns too ;(

      Can we talk about how social media is portraying childbirth to be so easy and rosy?

      I don’t understand why vloggers and influencers are working so hard to show how, easy, fast, and painless their childbirth was. I’m like come on, I thought that was the only thing we agreed as women? Just how devastating and excruciating childbirth can get. If anything, I think they should exaggerate on how terrible it is. I mean, women lose their lives in labor!

      When I had Leroy, I was completely clueless about childbirth or children. I remember going to the hospital thinking, Thank God, it’s now over. After the baby is born, my life will immediately go back to normal. But no, that wasn’t the case at all—In fact, very far from it. I do not want to address labor pains because we have all been told how painful it is, and that we are all prepared for. What no one tells is what happens after the baby is born. Because the legend goes that, as soon as the baby is born, the pain magically disappears—very cute of a story.

      But what exactly happens? After the baby was born, there is that shivering that nobody tells us about, and the acute hunger, and general body weakness. But that’s not what I want to address either. My intention is to address the healing process after leaving the hospital—that I didn’t know existed. I really thought after the baby was born that was it. Woe unto me because, Wueh! Those were some tough days.

      The first day the pain was tolerable, my body was numb, I guess, because that seems like the only logical explanation. Then came the second day and I try to wake up and I seriously cannot. I felt like I had been in a road accident and every bone on my body was broken—no exaggeration. But I would struggle and use all the energy I had to literally pick myself up. It was an entire process stages that had a literal chronological order. First, pick my head, then the upper part of my body and sit. Then twist my legs to the edge of the bed then slooooowly get up with my hands getting support from the bed.

      Once I was up, now getting back on the bed was a problem because sitting down was another huge task. Again, I had to sit very slowly clenching your entire body and supporting your hands on the bed so you can feel as little pain as possible (which is still a lot)

      Let me not get started on the constipation because what the hell was that?!

      And then there is the famous, “you have to sit on hot salty water for your stitches to heal faster.” Do you have any idea how painful that is? When even bending is a problem? And doctors just tell you to do it like it is the easiest thing. Like, give me a heads up Doc! What about the denial and depression that comes crawling? The self-loathing? Because I thought I was crazy when my stomach turned pitch black and I was not sure whether it happens to everyone else, or if it would ever resume its typical color.

      And lest I forget the mother of them all, breastfeeding! You know the first few days, cracked and scaly nipples, sometimes oozing blood instead of milk. But you are a mother now, you must endure to feed your baby. Because if you don’t, that little creature will scream and almost drive you insane, as if you already aren’t.

      You know because of all this some women get postpartum depression so bad that they get suicidal, hate their babies, and even try to harm and or kill them?

      So no, you can’t get a baby and continue with life like nothing happened. I bet those influencers sleep the whole day and just “lift” themselves up to take pictures or a video for 20 minutes. I don’t blame them, that is their work, that is how they earn their living. But trying to make the rest of us feel like only we are exaggerating and theirs was easier, that I disagree.

      Worse is the peer pressure to normalize bouncing back after childbirth. I mean, naturally,the belly takes time to shrink back, and it should be that way. Why would you expect a belly that grew in a span of 9 months to shrink in a week? That is just unrealistic and honestlyubderrrates the whole idea of pregnancy and life bearing. Honestly, why not depict pregnancy and childbirth as candidly as possible?

      So you see such posts, about how childbirth is all rosy, do not believe them. Roses have thorns, and they really sting! But that is the prize you must pay to enjoy the “Rose”

      You know to date, when people ask that nosy and wrong question of why haven’t you got another baby yet, Leroy is old enough now. My answer is always—bado sijai pona, 😂😂😂😂

      Yes, I have never healed.

      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia

    • Ladies, We Might Be Part of the Problem 🙁

      For many years, we women, have discussed and complained of the injustice, double standards, and discrimination within the workplace. Women have a steeper ladder —decorated with thorns — to climb up their careers. A ladder that is built such that the society almost makes it impossible for women to climb. Still, the contemporary woman works as hard as she can to beat all the stereotypes and prejudices that come with being a woman. Unfortunately, as women, we are part the problem, and form part of the reason why the society disrespects and disregards our efforts. But that is not a conversation we are ready to have, is it ladies?

      One of the biggest challenges women face in the job market is the expectation that they have to give sexual favors to their bosses for them to get job promotions, or to actually get the jobs in the first place. As women, we are unanimously highly against this very uncouth, disgusting, and self-degrading act and we always rush to blame the men for putting women in those uncomfortable and humiliating positions. I mean, it is easier to blame the men, because how dare them right?!  

      Plus, men are trash, men are dogs, and men, MEN will embarrass you.

      So why not blame the gender whose name has already been dragged through the mud? Before you go after my throat, for seemingly defending men, I do blame men. They are the bigger part of the problem. I blame men because they are the ones who deny women – who were otherwise qualified – opportunities because they failed to give in to their sexual advances. I blame men because they do not know when to stop. I blame them, and I am so bitter, because they have made employment life hell, for young girls who got into the job market very optimistic and confident in their qualifications.

      But do you know whom I am more disappointed in? No, I am not even just disappointed, I am disgusted with the contemporary women who gave men that power. The women who literally use their bodies to seduce men, and or give them sexual favors in exchange of jobs and promotions. It is because of these women that men see it that every woman should do the same so they can give them job.

      Because of these women, every other woman who bursts her ass off through years of hard work and resilience in the harsh job market cannot enjoy it and be given the appreciation and acknowledge they deserve. You know why? Because people are quick to judge and assume that they, “slept their way up to the top”. “Because sadly with the double standards in our world today, once one woman does it, then every other woman does it (it’s what women do).

      Have you seen the video going rounds shared by Sonko on Nkatha showing him her breasts? In the video, she was the one who initiated the topic; she wanted to show him. It was her way of getting Sonko to get her the job she wanted. And have you seen the conversations about the video? Most of the memes now are “fear women; these people will do anything” or something of a similar tune. But there was a specific caption to the video that really caught my attention. I saw it on a news blog and it read, “Sonko Titty Tuesdays zake zaja willingly.” Yes, what men took from the video (I say that because the most of the comments beneath that video were written by men), is that women are now doing it willingly. And Sonko, has an unlimited supply. So, what to be a man means to them, is to be like Sonko.

      You know what will happen now? Men will expect the same from women who want job opportunities. You know what the saddest part is? These women are there, and they will send the videos and whatever else they have to, and they will get the jobs and promotions they want. From a certain angle that approach could actually be viewed as a win. However, it’s not, and that’s the unfortunate bit. These jobs and promotions will not go to the women who are qualified and deserving, but those who for lack of a better way to put it – use their bodies to get them.

      And sadly, as women, we will continue to blame the men. I mean, don’t we all blame Sonko for leaking the video without her consent? Because if he hadn’t how would we have known about it? We would not, and Nkatha would probably get the job she wanted from Sonko. But was she qualified for it? What’s even sadder, is that maybe she was but did not want to earn the job professionally when she could just simply flush her boobs and bag it.

      Oh yeah no, that was not the saddest bit. The saddest bit is that, she is not the last woman to do so. In fact, hers seemed like an easy task since it was just flushing skin through a video call. Women will still continue to use their bodies to get jobs and promotions. And men will continue to expect the same. And the cycle will never be broken; that will be the norm if it already isn’t. Woe unto you ladies who choose to uphold your dignity and self-worth and actually earn your jobs and titles, you’re in for a tough ride. However, you are the real deal. Because you will endure the struggle, and have absolute pride in not only your achievements, but also, you (we) are the strong women striving to change the narrative.

      But I know that there are some women who would not agree with me. And being that we are walking in a grey area, and this is a lounge for the contemporary woman, I would love to hear it from their perspective.

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️


      Nyambura Macharia

    • These Women Need Compassion, Not Judgement

      Yesterday I went to get my hair done. I have a specific lady who does my hair – let’s call her Jane. Jane has always worked from home since I knew her so go to her home to get my hair done. The reason she worked from home is that she felt like her son was not old enough to be left behind while she went to work. Funny story (horror story depending on who you are), I was almost bitten by her dog while I knocked at her gate. Acting like the typical me, I screamed like a banshee as I grasped for straws that were not there. I could feel my heart pulsating aggressively in my chest as I stood outside the gate panting. Just as I was about to leave, feeling lucky to still have both of my legs, she arrived on a motorbike. Turns out she had recently opened up a salon so she told me to wait for her to get inside and change so we could head over there together. Of course, I waited outside the gate, it’s not like I wanted a second interaction with that bloodthirsty creature!

      As we headed to the salon, she told me that she now felt her son was old enough and she had gotten a sitter. She further explained that she had linked up with another woman and they had rented the stall together. The other lady – let’s call her Sylvia – was selling shoes, while she was running her salon in the same space. I thought that was a rather a subtle approach and I was proud of just how innovative the contemporary woman can get. Now they cost-shared on the rent, and had complementary businesses. I mean, I’ll visit the salon for the hair, but if I see some really nice shoes I will definitely go home with them.

      While I was getting my hair done, the topic of child birth came up (teren teren 😱). You can expect that to be a sensitive topic. Each one of us narrated their individual experiences and we compared the events involved and how they took place. I am becoming more and more surprised on just how often this specific conversation comes up. Somehow, sharing the various traumatic experiences of labour and child birth is just as satisfying as watching crime and murder documentaries – or even better. I also feel like it’s a great way for women to bond because in the instances I have seen the discussion come up, every woman is keen to listen to the other person’s story, and throws in the occasional “Right!” and “me too” in the conversation. In our conversation at the salon yesterday, we all seemed to agree that labour was so excruciating, but there are some women who do not experience the pain at all. Shocking, right?! Anyways, the conversation suddenly pivoted into the topic of miscarriages.

      Sylvia mentioned of how the musician Size 8 Reborn had had a miscarriage and just how unfortunate and sad it was. I then mentioned that around that time another famous lady – Aunty Jemimah – had also lost her child in a stillbirth. The conversation was solemn for a while as Sylvia explained how it was unfortunate that many celebrities had lost their children, and even added the case of Kambua who also lost her child sometime this year. Jane was of the opinion that these celebrity women should keep their pregnancies private because sometimes it is because of some people’s “evil eye” that they lose their pregnancies or babies. Jane went ahead to insinuate that these celebrity women’s pregnancies develop complications after overly-publicised baby showers and pregnancy shoots. But Sylvia jumped right in to correct her that Size 8 had indeed kept her pregnancy secret and had only just revealed she was pregnant when she developed complications and lost the pregnancy. So far nothing too contentious, right? But then Sylvia threw in a claim that left me in bewilderment.

      She argued that most of these celebrities, get miscarriages, still birth, and other pregnancy complications, as well as lose their babies soon after birth because of “the things they use.” At this point I was confused and asked her to explain. She explained that they use special products to prevent pregnancy and monthly periods that subsequently causes their misfortunes. On this front, they agreed with Jane and that confused me even more. I was confused because earlier on in the conversation, the two of them had cited that they were on contraceptives and that they have not gotten their periods since they embarked on them. Are these not some of the “things” the other women used too? Why did they have to be judged? Ooh, right, because they are celebrities.

      Sylvia was not done with her shock bombs. She pointed out that for Kambua’s case, she could not get a child for a long time, because she had waited for long before getting pregnant and trying to get a baby. I mean, but I have seen women get married in their mid-thirties and get pregnant pretty easily. Some young women also struggle to get pregnant. What does not getting a baby early got to do with anything? What is worse is that Kambua’s second baby unfortunately passed on after he was born. It was not about what Kambua possibly did or did not do.

      Sylvia also pointed out that some women get miscarriages because they have had multiple abortions. She explained that for a woman who has terminated many pregnancies, their bodies may understand that after for example 7 weeks, the pregnancy is supposed to be terminated, which causes miscarriages. This part I cannot confirm whether it’s true or not (for now). However, from the whole conversation it became clear to me just how many myths, biases, and stereotypes surround pregnancy and miscarriages. Celebrities are not the only women who lose their pregnancies, get still births, or have their babies die soon after they are born. These cases are more common than you can imagine. It’s just that for celebrities, we find out, and for the other people we do not. From that conversation, based on the two women’s intonations, their gestures and facial expressions, you could smell discrimination from a mile away. And I think that the contemporary woman needs to know that miscarriages are not the woman’s fault. About 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage! You seriously want to tell me that all these women brought it upon themselves?

      Some of the many many causes of miscarriage include: infections, exposure to environmental and workplace hazards such as high levels of radiation or toxic agents, hormonal irregularities, improper implantation of fertilized egg in the uterine lining, maternal age, uterine abnormalities, incompetent cervix, stress, accidents, and other spontaneous cause. I would like to dive into it but I am no medic, and I would not like to mislead anyone. Maybe I could get a doctor to elaborate more then give you all the details.

      The point is, there are so many cases of miscarriages and I feel like it is very unfortunate that these women get to be judged, faulted, and even shamed instead of being comforted. Even if a woman really did terminate their pregnancy, and that were proven (scientifically) to cause miscarriages, do they now deserve to lose all their pregnancies or babies soon after they are born? I think the contemporary woman needs to change their mind-set on miscarriages, stillbirths, and losing children. These women are already suffering from too much heartache to be judged. Let us be compassionate, and support each other.

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️


      Nyambura Macharia

    • October is Offering you a Job: You Should Accept It!

      October is Offering you a Job: You Should Accept It!

      Can you believe it that we are already in October? It was literally just the other day that we started off the year. We were all hopeful after a ratchet 2020 we all wanted to end. 2021 was going to be our do-over year. Everyone expected, or at least I did, that 2021 was the year the Corona Virus would miraculously disappear and we would go back to leading our normal lives — or at least what is left of it. Well, sadly for all of us, that never happened, Covid-19 is still there as all we still have to adhere to all the Covid-19 guidelines from our overlords, including the much hated curfew! But it’s all good, if there is anything this virus has taught me, and most of you I am sure, is to be thankful for life.

      Okay, I am getting off-topic now, this article is about the great month of October, the month my mother was born!

      October is a special month to all women globally because it is the International Breast Cancer Awareness Month — BCAM. I have known this since I was in form 3. I remember there was an organization which came to our school to discuss breast cancer awareness. They also volunteered and gave free check-ups to every student in our school with the promise that they would provide preventive treatment to anyone who had the breast cancer genes 1 or 2 — ( BRCA 1) and ( BRCA 2).

      I was too scared to go get checked so I hid to avoid being forced, if it came to that. But I did examine myself during my hiding as was instructed. When doing a breast self-examination, the idea is to check for any unusual lumps  — you want to look out for any lumps that are inconsistent with the normal feel of your breast tissue and come with discomfort or pain when touched — while laying flat on your back. Of course self examination is not as comprehensive as a professional examination, but if done right, you are good to go sis!

      During the breast examination in school, one girl was actually discovered to have the BRCA gene, although I cannot remember where it was BRCA 1 or 2. All I remember is, the dreadful word spreading around the school was, “a girl from 4 North has a lump.” Everyone was so shocked, it seemed like a death sentence. The worst part was that we knew so little about it that she started getting stigmatized. She was “the girl with a lump” and we all behaved like it was communicable.

      It was not a sad story, even though my narration might make you think it was. In fact, as I see it now, it was a rather positive story for the contemporary woman. A story that reeks of hope that for sure, with early diagnosis, breast cancer is totally curable. As the organization had promised, “the girl with the lump,” — I cannot remember her name by the way, but her face stays forever in my mind because of the incident, plus I always found her to be gorgeous — received help.

      The members of the organization, ( I never got the name, or I just cannot remember. My bets are on the latter) enrolled her in their program. They would come pick her from school and take her for tests. Finally, she had an operation and the lump was successfully removed. What could have been a fatal illness was averted and she was free!

      What is the moral of the story you ask? Breast cancer can be fatal, but if detected early enough, it is very much treatable. The girl in my story got a happy ending because of an early diagnosis, and that is exactly what I am driving towards. Get yourself screened by a professional if your family has a history of either BRCA 1 or BRCA 2. For the rest of my fellow women, perform self examinations occasionally, watch out for any unusual lump, and even the slightest discomfort. Do not ignore anything, visit a physician!

      This is the only way that we can have more happy endings; Together we can fight Breast Cancer!

      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia.

    • When Is it the Right Time to Leave? (A Happy Ending).

      When Is it the Right Time to Leave? (A Happy Ending).

      During my 24th year, I made the first female friend after finishing campus; I might even say, the first lady friend I drew out of “life”. By this I mean, all my other friends have been school-related; primary school, high school, and campus friends. But with her, it was different; she was a friend I made while doing life as an adult. Of course, this might explain why we have so many differences. But, luckily, it also explains why our friendship grew exponentially in such a short time. I liked – and still do – listening to her because she has a more extensive experience in life than I did since she had left school before me.

      When we started getting close, I learned that my friend was having marital problems, so to speak. Sometimes, I would find her crying, and while she tried to hide it, I could tell she was dying inside. Then, there was this day she came to work with a swollen face and a torn lip. Just like it happens in the stories we read and the movies we watch, she lied to everyone that she fell in the bathroom while taking a shower to protect her husband. It’s not like she even had a choice; the man was hovering around to ensure she did not tell anyone of what happened. A churchman with the perfect image wouldn’t want his reputation tarnished now, would he?

      It was quite a controversial position for me to be in. I did not understand why the man, who looked so innocent and loved his two beautiful daughters, would be such a monster when it came to his wife. Worse still, I never said anything; I just kept quiet. I could not rebuke the man for his actions because I was not even supposed to know what happened in their marriage. And if I stood up for my friend and said something, he would probably beat her more at night because she told me. He had actually done that once, beaten her for disclosing their issues to the church. According to him, she was out of control and destroying his reputation in the church. As time passed by and the incidents kept repeating themselves. I realized that, in reality, life was not black and white.

      Why didn’t she leave you ask? She was waiting for the perfect time to go. She lives with her niece, who is in class 7, and she wanted her to finish class 8 first. She did not want to disrupt her education. Also, she tried to save as much money as possible to make it easier for her and her girls to start life. Yes, life is not black and white.

      Of course, the perfect time never came, and it finally dawned on her that by staying, she was risking her life.

      March 28th, 2021, a Saturday, marked the beginning of my friend’s life. She finally decided to leave, and for a whole week, she made a grandiose plot to do so. Frankly, I thought she was bluffing when she called me and told me she was leaving in three days’ time. By that time, her plan was already in motion. I just did not know it yet. She had packed a few utensils, enough for her to start life and just enough so that her husband would not notice anything was missing in the kitchen. The following morning at around 6 a.m., she brought them to my house for me to keep them.

      At this point, despite my fear of getting involved, like the coward I am, I knew I had to help her. That was when she told me the plan. She was to leave on Saturday when her husband was in church. I did not know how she was to organize and meet her daughters yet. It was already on a Thursday, so she only had Friday to complete her plan. That day, she made a call to the man who supplied her with fruits for her grocery store and made an order. She made sure that her husband overheard the call. However, he did not know that she was ordering them for her friend, and it was all meant to make sure that he was not suspicious of anything.

      That same Thursday, she moved the clothes had packed to a nearby shop for storage. She also made arrangements and paid for the house she was to move to, and by this time, everything was already going as planned. Then, on Friday, she told the husband that she would be going home to visit her sick mother on Sunday and asked for some money for shopping. Ironically, he supported the idea and even told her it would give her room to go and think of what she was telling people about their lives. Of course, that hurt her feelings, but she did not even react. She was tired of arguments, and she did not want anything to jeopardize her plan. At this point, she was so nervous and anxious that she could barely eat.

      Finally, the night which according to her seemed too long ended. It was Saturday at last. She prepared her two daughters and niece to church with their father. He was used to her not joining them for church. He did not always go with the girls to church, but on that day, he asked her to prepare them so he would take them with him. He must have been suspicious of her, but he knew she would never leave without them. Therefore, taking them to church with him was what he felt he was smart enough to frustrate anything she had planned.

      What he did not know was that she had already seen that coming. She planned with the niece, who is older, and made her carry a phone. It was to stay on vibration mode to call her when she was done packing everything in the car. Oh, I must have forgotten that part. She had rented a car for the “escape.” She was not to pick the call at all. When she called her and the phone vibrated, the girl, let’s call her Lindsey, informed her uncle that the youngest soiled her diaper and she forgot to carry one from home. At this point, the uncle would give them money to buy a new diaper. This would allow the three kids to leave the church without him being suspicious at all. I mean, if they did not return soon, he would only assume that they decided to go home and change the diaper there. I know, genius, right?

      So everything went on as planned, and the girls left the church. When they got to the road, my friend and I were waiting in the car, and they quickly got in. There was a slight hiccup in the plan, though. My lady friend, whose name I’ve chosen not to mention on her request, had forgotten to carry her gas cylinder. Not to worry, her niece went and picked it really quick. Had us panicking for some minutes there. But God was on her side, and in no time, she was back, and we were on the road. I had never seen her so happy. She literally started singing. Despite her constant fear of the unknown, she was certain leaving was what she wanted. Fast-forward six months and here we are, we talked on the phone yesterday and she tells me the only thing she regrets is not leaving sooner. She is happy now, and we, the contemporary women, should be happy for her!

      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia.

    • It’s Time to Separate Religion from Marriage; if You Haven’t Already

      Today, being a Sunday, I want to address a practice involving religion that I find to be incredibly archaic; and I believe the contemporary woman should not undergo.

      Disclaimer: I know some people may not agree with me, but this space here allows me to speak my mind and call out some of the challenges that continue to affect modern women, that I believe are outdated and should be abolished.

      The funny thing is, I had written a different article addressing the same topic but in a more raw and personal way, but I lost it. I have a hard copy of it, but I decided to juggle my mind and write afresh instead of retyping it. I have so much hatred and opposition against this issue that I could rewrite it in a thousand different ways😂 The hatred is so deep that I am  literally talking to myself (like the crazy woman I am) as I write this.

      Okay, enough with the yapping…Let’s get to the elephant in the room.

      The issue I am talking about today, I don’t know whether it’s a tradition, an undefined societal norm, or where the hell the whole thing came from. Apparently, there is a notion that women have to change their church (denominations) and join their husbands’ church after marriage. I find this to be not only absurd but borderline insane. Before I give my reasons for being against this, let’s look at it religiously. First, despite being married, a woman should have a life where she can make her own decisions, one of the most important decisions being her faith. I mean, should she join the other church without believing? And if she does so, doesn’t that incriminate her faith and her relationship with God. Because after all is said and done, we will all be judged separately. Moreover, don’t we all worship the same God, just in different ways? So why force a woman to join your church when she worships the same God in hers?

      Now on to my reasons…

      First, women are allowed to be independent thinkers; just because you are married does not mean that she should live your life. I find it very condescending and controlling.

      Also, it is safe to say that it is one of my worst traditions, so it just triggers my anger. The worst part, to me, is that it is sometimes the women who tell a young bride that she has to change to her husband’s faith now. “It is what our grandmothers did; it is what a good wife does.”

      God bless their souls; our grandmothers had no opportunity to oppose or even call out some of these traditions. They did some of these things because they had no choice. We live in different times now, a new era. Women can make their own decisions and choose their religion and denominations.

      The good news is that many literate, open-minded, and civilized men also consider it trash. I added open-minded and civilized because I have seen literate men and women who still have quite an archaic mindset.

      I have seen men who supported their women in their different denominations while they stuck to theirs, and their families stood. But, I have also seen men who got so attracted to their wives religion, believed, and started attending their churches. So, it is also possible for women to eventually switch to their husbands’ churches; but by choice and faith.

      I can imagine that some women and men who read this text will be surprised that the “tradition” remains. But if it affects even 1% of the contemporary woman, we have to discuss it.  I also know that others will read it and consider me “lost” for opposing and criticizing the practice but you’ll have to give me good reasons why this practice is still necessary. We might not agree but I’ll hear your point of view. As the great French essayist, Joseph Joubert, once said, It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it..

      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia

    • Am I Becoming a Housewife? (The Story of A Personal Struggle).

      One of my greatest fears is becoming or being labelled a “housewife.” In this era, as women, we grew up being constantly reminded that there is more to life than marriage – one of the best lessons to the Contemporary Woman. In fact, we were told that when you have no source of income, your man might not respect for you enough.

       That is not why I am afraid of being labelled a housewife. After graduating from campus in 2017, I was hopeful about getting a career related to my field of study. However, as 2018 unfolded, it slowly dawned on me that it was extremely difficult to secure a job. I studied Agribusiness Management (AGBM) in campus, a field of study which couldn’t be any further from my interests, passion, and sadly, who I am as a person. It’s actually a funny story how I ended up studying that course. While I was doing my KCSE, I was sick and unfortunately lost confidence in myself. I expected to fail, or let us say, score lower results than I could.

       So, when we were told to apply for our campus courses, I put Agribusiness Management in Egerton, Main Campus, as the first choice because, to me, there was no way I could achieve the cluster points required for the course. I then went ahead to put my other desired courses in the second and third categories. I wanted to be a designer, so it was either Clothing, Textiles and Interior Design (CTID), or interior design on its own. I selected these two courses in different campuses, then put graphics design as the last pick since it required the least cluster points. My thoughts were, if I do not get the design I want, then I can do graphics design – it had design in it, so it was good enough for me. Anyway, jokes on me, I outdid myself in the exam and met the cluster points to do Agribusiness Management, and being my first choice and very different from the other choices, they must have assumed I loved it! Either way, I made peace with my fate and actually grew to love my course, although I believe it did not tap into my full potential.

       Back to 2018, throughout the tarmacking and applying for jobs, it so happened that most of the available slots were marketing Agricultural products. Most employers employed AGBM graduates in the same field as Agronomy graduates because we had a better grasp on marketing, management, and leadership unlike Agronomy students who only majored in crops and pests diseases.

       The only problem was that Agribusiness had just one unit on crops, soils, and pests and diseases🤧 This meant that you had to relearn the types of soils, fertilizers, crop pests and diseases, and other farm chemicals, all of which I found difficult to master. No, all which I extremely hated and could not get myself to learn. Therefore, I realized that finding a job did not involve me learning Agronomy was hard, so I started to focus on other works in the line of my passion for writing, which I have been doing remotely up to date majorly. The problem with academic and journal writing, which I mostly do, is that it could be seasonal, which explains my current situation.

       I mostly work from home, so with no formal work, I feel like I am reduced to the woman who only does the dishes and cleans – the housewife I was avoiding to become. Of course, it does not help that I love staying indoors. As a woman who is used to being busy and attaining personal satisfaction from working, and especially writing, and of course, viewing images of interior and fashion designs online, you can imagine how demoralized I have become.

       I am not saying that being a housewife is bad; I solemnly respect women who choose to be housewives. The problem is that for me, it is not a choice. And of course, there will be the people who will say, albeit with subtlety, that your education was not necessary since you are not employed, which makes it all the sadder and depressing. So yes, being a housewife could be a noble choice. It could be. But it’s not the choice for me. Unfortunately, my current job situation makes me feel like one. But hey, at least I can write about it and feel better about myself..🙂


      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia.