The Contemporary Woman

Tag: Female Issues

  •  7 Major Signs of Blocked Feminine Energy in the Contemporary Woman

     7 Major Signs of Blocked Feminine Energy in the Contemporary Woman

    Most women of the 21st century were raised by women who were oppressed by the societal stereotypes of women. Women who felt it was their femininity which was holding them back. These women were very adamant on empowering girls. The cherry on top, of course, was the rise, and growth of feminism.

    This was great. It led to the rise of women in leadership, powerful women. Unfortunately, it also resulted in masculine women. These women raised us to believe we couldn’t make it while we still maintained our feminine energy. We had to lose it. So now we are dealing with an epidemic of women who have zero to very little femininity in them. Because femininity was associated with weakness.

    This resulted in the rise of a generation of women who are more masculine than feminine—women with blocked feminine energy. Sadly, these women are almost always stressed, overwhelmed and fatigued. Because masculine energy is not what comes naturally to women.

    Women just had to mimic masculine energy to survive. To get a seat at the table. Because the generation of women before us felt that is what was necessary for women to thrive in the patriarchal world of toxic masculinity that was very averse during their time.

    But women are meant to be “soft” “emotional” and empathetic. These are the traits that make for great women leaders. Because these are traits that do not come naturally to men. So, this is where women outdo men.

    So, what are the most rampant signs to look out for to identify whether your femininity is blocked?

    You have a  Do it All Attitude

    This is the biggest sign you are out of touch with your feminine energy. Feminine energy is more inclined towards sharing, collaboration and diplomacy. Masculine energy, on the other hand, is inclined towards the need to control, to take charge, to lead. Thus, as a woman, if you find yourself refusing help so you can do everything all by yourself, even when it’s hard because you feel you will be giving up control, that’s a HUGE RED FLAG! Get back in your femininity and let people assist you. It’s less work and you get time to relax and do your skincare for that undeniable feminine GLOW!

    You Don’t Take Care of yourself. 

    Nothing saying feminine energy more than a woman taking care of herself. Minding about your appearance, hair, scent, clothes etc. A woman deep in her feminine energy even takes longer showers.  So, when you find that you do not care about yourself, the scent you wear, you are not specific about the lotion you use, and have no single product meant to elevate how you feel or appear as a woman. When you realize there is no difference between your grooming routine and that of man, your feminine energy is definitely blocked.

    You Consider Femininity as Weakness.

    Most contemporary women, as stated before- were raised to believe that the more we tap into our masculine energy, the more powerful we become—Think like a man. The society also made it seem like we have to compete with men which meant being more like them, and not competing with them by being better women. This is misinformation but unfortunately, most of us were already brainwashed by it before we knew any better. This is why, most women who are more inclined to their masculine energy see femininity as weakness. The truth is, being soft, empathetic, compassionate does not make you weak as a women, instead it makes you a WOMAN. While it is not your fault if you deem femininity to be weakness—because that is what you were raised to believe—you do hold the power to change that.

    You do not Connect with your Intuition

    It is a fact that women have stronger intuition compared to men. In fact, feminine energy strongly relies on intuition to make decisions. Without connecting with your intuition, you do not trust your thoughts and feeling—your gut. This results in women making irrational or desperate decisions or simply use logic while blocking your feelings (intuition) resulting in unwise decisions and choices that would otherwise have been avoided.  

    You are Always competing with Men—Trying to Prove Yourself

    Masculinity is based on competition and thrives on acknowledgement from others. Men lobe to prove themselves to others, just to feed their ego. So, if you find yourself as a woman always trying to affirm your value through your accomplishments, your femininity might be blocked. It’s even worse if you find yourself constantly comparing your progress or achievements to men because it means you feel you will only be validated if you prove yourself to them.

    You Attract Weak Men

    Women with blocked feminine energy tend to always attract weak mean. When are woman is more inclined to her masculinity somehow attract men who are more inclined towards their feminine energy. So, if you people telling you that you ‘wear the pants” in the relationship—or learn this yourself because you are always the one initiating date and any other plans within the relation—this is your proof that your femininity is blocked.

    You Struggle with Romantic Relationships

    Women with blocked femininity have a very hard time staying in romantic relationships. If you are such a woman, you women are to focused on their careers that they do not have time for romantic relationships. As a masculine woman, you will also consider romantic relationships to be a waste of time—time that you would rather spend working. Another common dynamic is that as a masculine woman, you hate feeling controlled, inferior. Unfortunately, to sustain a relationship you must compromise, you are accountable to another person. A woman who is threatened by all these cannot sustain a relationship.

  • Are you a Single Mother or a Single Woman?

    Are you a Single Mother or a Single Woman?

    Yes, there is a difference

    Today, there are so many new words, terminologies and ways for people to define themselves especially in regards to their sexuality. It’s so hard to keep up and you can find yourself in trouble for using the wrong label on a person. Similarly, many relationships do not seem to last these days, divorce is at an all-time high. This means that the dynamics of relationships and homes have significantly changed. A perfect example is the rise of situationships even in marriages where many couples find themselves living as mere “roommates,” and even the “throuple” marriages. everything is confusing with so many burred lines.

    This raises the question to many women, are you a single mother or a single woman? Because with the vast change in dynamics, it is easy to confuse and mislabel the two.

    A single mother generally means a woman who raises her child(ren) alone. So yes, there are women who are married but are single mothers. It is worse for these mothers because they have an additional child in their husbands. The situation is even worse for married single mothers whose husbands are alcoholics and drug addicts who steal from them and even physically abuse them as it adds to their burden. Most of these women are mostly in rural areas where the idea of marriage is over-glorified. This means that even when a woman leaves an abusive marriage, they are considered a failure because “it is the woman who builds her home. “

    But there is good news, there are modern women who are single mothers by choice. The dynamics of the world today mean that women have more freedom, and more options. So, some women choose not to engage in relationships or marriage seeing that they are so fickle today—and instead, they choose to be mothers.

    So, who is a single woman?

    A single woman is a woman who is not married or not in a relationship. This means that even when a woman is single and is also a mother, but co-parents with their children’s father, they cannot consider themselves single mothers. The aspect of being a single mother only comes into play in the context of parenting alone. But when a father is actively present in the lives of his children, then a woman cannot consider herself a single mother because they do not go through the parent’s emotional and financial burden of doing everything alone.

    So, what is the take away?

    A single mother is not to be confused with a single woman or vice versa. And better yet, there are married single mothers and there are single women with children.  

  • The Phases of the Menstrual Cycle, their Impacts on Women’s Moods and Emotions and How Best to Deal with them.

    May is the menstrual month and as we come to an end, I realize that while some people know about menstruation and the hygienic requirements as well as the pain that comes with it, there isn’t adequate information on the general cycle of menstruation. Did you know the menstrual cycle has four specific stages which are the highest determinants of your moods and general feeling throughout the month? You didn’t? Believe it or not, you are part of the majority.

     Oh, you did? That’s good, but I bet you could use a refresher, and deeper information on these stages while we educate those who did not. In this article, we delve into the four stages of the menstrual cycle and their impact on women’s moods and emotions. By understanding these physiological and psychological changes, women can gain insights into their emotional well-being throughout the month.

    The menstrual cycle is a complex and natural process that occurs in women of reproductive age. It typically lasts for about 28 days, although variations are common. While we are all taught this, we are just but told that during our periods, we will experience mood swings, or that a few days before your menses come, you may find yourself overly emotional and crying from the tiniest of things. But nobody every really explains the hormonal and psychological changes that result in these changes. Fortunately, we are getting more empowered, curious, and ready to remove discuss openly and widely the issues impacting women, including the four distinct phases of menstruation and the exact impact each has. This cycle encompasses four distinct phases, each characterized by unique hormonal fluctuations and physiological changes.

    RELATED POSTS: How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)

    1. Menstruation Phase (Day 1-5)

    The menstrual phase marks the beginning of the menstrual cycle. This is the most popular menstrual phase because of the flow which makes is hard to miss, literally.  During this stage, hormone levels, particularly estrogen and progesterone, are at their lowest. This dip in emotions is exactly why you (we) are moody, sad, irritably and or highly sensitive. Menstruation also comes with physical discomfort, such as cramps, bloating, and fatigue, and diarrhea which causes even more irritability.  

    2. Follicular Phase (Day 6-14)

    After the menstrual phase follows the follicular phase. During this phase, the pituitary gland releases follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which triggers the growth of follicles in the ovaries. These follicles produce estrogen, leading to the thickening of the uterine lining. As estrogen levels rise, women often experience a surge in energy, improved concentration, and an overall positive mood. This phase is commonly associated with a sense of renewed vitality and increased sociability. Needless to say, this is my favorite phase, and possibly every women’s favorite phase. Because not only do we have more estrogen levels which boost our moods, but we are also experiencing the joy and relief from the nightmare that is menstruation.

    3. Ovulation (Day 14)

    The third phase of the menstrual cycle, the ovulatory phase, occurs around the 14th of the menstrual cycle. However, this can vary depending with the length of a woman’s entire cycle. During this brief period a mature egg is released from the ovary and travels down the fallopian tube, making it available for fertilization. Estrogen levels reach their peak just before ovulation making women the most fertile during this stage. Additionally, some women may experience a surge in luteinizing hormone (LH) during this phase, making it the perfect to try for a baby for the woman who wants one. The best part about this stage is that due to the peak in estrogen levels, many women report being more emotionally stable and feeling more confident, attractive, and sexually aroused during this phase. The only down to this phase and the reason its not my favorite phase is because I belong to the group of women who experience mild ovulation pain.

    4. Luteal Phase (Day 15-28)

    After the high of ovulation, the luteal phase begins. During this phase, the ruptured follicle transforms into the corpus luteum, which produces progesterone. Progesterone prepares the uterus for potential pregnancy by thickening the uterine lining. However, if fertilization does not occur during the ovulation phase, hormone levels start to decline. This results in various physical symptoms in women ranging from breast tenderness, bloating, and fatigue. Moreover, the sudden drop in estrogen and progesterone levels results in the worst of mood swings, irritability, and even premenstrual syndrome (PMS) symptoms, such as anxiety and depression. As a result, this has to be the worst menstrual phase for most women because while it may not have as much physical pain as the menstrual phase, it has adverse emotional turmoil especially depression, anxiety, self-doubt.

    So how do we deal with these menstrual phases?

    First, it is vital to recognize and acknowledge that women’s moods and emotions are influenced not only by hormonal changes but also by various external factors and personal circumstances. However, these hormonal fluctuations during the menstrual cycle can impact neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin and dopamine, which play a crucial role in regulating our general mood and emotions and it is out of our control. Therefore, the best we , you can do as a woman is being aware of these cyclical changes which can help you understand each stage or at least bear each stage gracefully knowing that even the deepest emotional pit that could come with the luteal phase will pass. Fortunately, the contemporary woman has this and more information to their disposal such that they (we) know that there is nothing wrong with us, but rather it is our nature. Even best is that we can get multiple support systems from other women and women-oriented communities which make it easier to bear these phases. Above everything else, Self-Care. Protect yourself, love yourself, and give yourself, your body and mind, exactly what it needs to bear each of these stages. This ranges from relaxation, comfort food, meditation, tough love and physical exercise.  

  • Are you feeling Evil for being Jealous? Jealousy is not just a Normal Feeling, but Could be the Feeling that Makes You

    Are you feeling Evil for being Jealous? Jealousy is not just a Normal Feeling, but Could be the Feeling that Makes You

    Regardless of how much people try to make jealously feel like the vilest of all emotions-and rightfully so-It is a very normal and common emotion. In relationships, jealousy is not only normal, but very rampant and not just in romantic relationships but in parent, siblings, and friends’ relationships. In fact, everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their lives. In fact, we should be happy when we get jealous. I am happy when I am jealous, because it means that I am challenged, and I feel that I too need to work hard enough to also have that which I am jealous about. The problem with jealousy only arises when one moves from being a healthy emotion to a negative unhealthy and irrational emotion.

    What Exactly is Jealousy?

    Jealousy is the feeling of resentment, bitterness of hostility when someone owns something you do not. This ranges from social advantage, a trait, money, success, a relationship, gamily, among many other things. When a person is jealous, they wish they too had what the other person has and may become anxious, depressed, or bitter that they do not have it especially because of the uncertainty of whether or not they ever will. Now in the case of positive jealous, despite this feeling of jealousy, these people are able to be happy for the other person and feel challenged and motivated to work for their own and wait for their turn. This is the opposite of negative and unhealthy jealousy. In these cases, these persons are livid. They are so consumed by the spirit of jealousy that not hate or feel the need to steal from the other person or destroy what they have. The worst part is that they can hide their jealousy in compliments while writhing in their morbid jealousy. This is the type of jealousy in the bible which is described as a sin. People with this type of jealousy are dangerous so much that they cause harm. If you believe in superstitions you possibly believe that one form of their jealousy incarnate is in the form of witchcraft.

    What is the Contemporary Woman mostly Jealous of?

    The success of contemporary woman is lucky enough is fortunately, determined by multiple diverse aspects. This is unlike in the case of the traditional woman whose success was solely judged by her marriage and family. While this is a good thing-the fact hat modern women now have multiple aspects defining them, it adds to their pressure since while they want the career, they also want the family which makes it even harder. In this regard, contemporary women are jealous of their friends who have achieved several of the aspects which are considered the societal determinants of their success. These include:

    • A successful career
    • A lavish wedding
    • A huge social media presence
    • Wealth
    • A happy family

    How to Overcome Jealousy

    Dispute being a normal and common emotion, Jealousy can be overwhelming to a person, even in the case where it’s healthy jealousy. It gets worse when its unhealthy jealousy because it causes enmity and drives a huge wedge between relationships and could result in hatred that is passed down generations, especially in families. Henceforth, it is best to overcome jealousy even when it might seem difficult to do. There are various ways to do this which include but are not limited to:

    • Remembering and being grateful for what you have.
    • Trace jealousy back to its source and work towards getting your own
    • Confide in a trusted friend
    • Consider the full picture behind that which you are jealous about—you might just realize that you have it, just in a different way.
    • Be patient with yourself and trust that your time is coming.
    • Remember your own value, and your features or blessings that other people might be jealous about too.
    • In extreme cases, consider seeing a therapist.

    How can I use Jealousy to my Advantage

    People view jealousy like it’s this extremely evil feeling, but actually, jealously can be extremely helpful, informative and the feeling that builds you-when used positively.

    Here are some of the ways in which jealousy could actually be good for you.

    Jealousy can help you focus on your goals– Dr. Michelle Foster, a clinical psychologist and co-director of the Toronto Psychology thinks this, and so do I.  One of the main things that trigger jealously for TCW and everyone else, is career success. Thus, if you viewed this with benign jealously and instead of being malicious take up the challenge, you will work even harder and focus so you can get the same success and be able to get rid of the jealousy.

    Jealousy can help you address certain things in your life– Jealousy can be so eye opening in the context that if you feel jealous to the point where your jealousy becomes malicious. Maybe this is a sign for you to check yourself and understand why you are getting these feelings and work on controlling them even if it means going for therapy instead of acting on the harmful and malicious actions of negative jealousy.

    Generally, contrary to popular opinion, jealousy can be the greatest feeling you ever felt! Life changing really. It is normal, and a feeling triggered by other people having something you greatly desire but do not have. Thus, to grow, put yourself in situations that make you jealous.

    RELATED POST: The Most Toxic Person in Your life Can be Yourself-and so Can Your Biggest Fan!

  • How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)

    How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)

    The Merry Merry month of May has finally come to an end and I hate to break it to you, but having entered June, we are at mid-year and officially headed towards the second half of the year. Shocking I know, I cannot believe it either. Now back to May, my favorite month if I haven’t made it obvious enough. Apart from being my birthday month and the month the world celebrates mothers, there are actually more reasons to love May. In fact, how about we just call it the month of women. Because it is also in May that we have the Global Menstrual Health Day on 28th May. I don’t know about you, but to me, this basically makes it the World’s Menstrual Health Awareness Month.

    Sometime back, probably towards the end of April I saw a post on a Facebook group “Newborns and Beyond,” where mothers, (Established Mothers) were discussing their experiences with their daughters starting their menstruation. Most of these mothers were hoping and praying that their daughters’ periods do not start until they were out of primary school. So that is until they were around 12 years. But, based on their experience, most of their daughters had had their first periods when they were as early as 8 years old!

    To be honest, I was in utter bewilderment! I mean, isn’t an 8-year-old a child anymore? I mean, my Leroy is turning 7 this year and I still consider him a child. Yet, it means that if he were a girl, he probably would be getting his periods next year. WTH! The magnitude of the situation heightens when I remember I got my first my periods when I was 12, and back then, I was considered a rather early maturer. And this was actually the case because most of my friends, who were older than me by a year or two were just having their first periods, while some had not. Still, based on what these ladies were hoping for, I consider my mother lucky because my periods came just when I was about to sit for my KCPE, (27th October 2008. How do I remember the actual date? Beats me too 😂). So, technically, I was already done with primary school.

    Sanitary Pads

    Now that their daughters were getting their periods when they were literally ‘babies,’ what these mothers were mostly concerned about was how they were going to educate their girls on how to deal with periods, what were they, and especially period hygiene, seeing that they were so young. Now this made me think, my mother never taught me any of that. Not that she was a bad mother, but it was just a rather difficult topic to address. And neither was it the norm for mothers to have that talk with their daughters, I mean, I’m certain she never had the talk with her mother either.  In fact, most of my friends who had the courage or any information about the topic while in primary school, apart from what we had learnt in reproduction, were much older and had older sisters. For the rest of us, when we were in class 8, ‘Always’ was still new in the market and in the quest to advertise their products and of course engage in CSR had come to our school, given us a short lesson on how to use their sanitary pads and given us a packet each. Of course, I gave it to my mother for safe keeping. Or was it to hide such that my brother never came across it. Yes, those were the times there was so much shame and embarrassment in menstruation and menstrual products.

    Fast forward to 2022, and I must say I am loving the progress we have made on menstrual health. This May especially, I was awed by the number of organizations, influential persons and the average persons who engaged in activities to spread word on Menstrual Health. The amazing Janet Mbugua even started a podcast, “My First Time Stories” which gives women a space to share their first period experience in a quest to end the stigma on menstruation and spread awareness on the same. While I may not have been able to do much, maybe the least I could do is acknowledge and thank every woman who took part in spreading awareness in menstruation or helping out a girl in need. Creating change doesn’t have to be huge. You can always start by helping your neighbor, a girl in need and while it might just be one person, it has impact. And it creates a ripple effect where women go on helping others and that way we will slowly transform into a fully empowered nation and world in matters regarding menstrual health. And the beauty (and disadvantage) of menstruation is that it never ends, whichever the season, or whatever fire the world is in. Women within the reproductive age still get their periods. Thus, it is never late to help a girl who needs it and make an impact. Also, I feel that with the continuous education, Contemporary Mothers will be empowered enough to have both the knowledge and confidence of having these conversations with their young girls. And for those unfortunate girls who might not have mothers or sisters to hold their hands in the journey, there will be multiple platforms where they can access the information such that they too are not alone.

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia

  • Unlearning, and Relearning the Definition of a “Broken Home”

    Unlearning, and Relearning the Definition of a “Broken Home”


      Working from home, I mostly love to sit in my bed (my office) and write alone in the silence. It is so quiet and serene which is great both for my thoughts, and my writing. Although sometimes it can get too comfortable that I lose a whole day 😭. Today, my quiet was interrupted by the wailing and screams of a woman, whose voice sounded familiar. These screams followed a loud thud from what I believe was a man hitting her. The thud sounded again and this time, she screamed even louder. By then, there was commotion as I started hearing the voices or two more women, and that of a another man—aside from the attacker.


      The argument continued for quite a while and I couldn’t help but thank God their older kids were not around to watch—being a school day. I could not quite comprehend what they are saying because they are speaking in Kipsigis, but I could hear the clear cut pain and hurt in her vibrating voice. To be honest, such incidents scare the hell out of me 😱 However, every time I pray to God that I never become that woman on the receiving end. I always find myself thinking, but that woman never asked for it either. She too, prayed to never be in that position and yet there she was.  So what makes me think I am so special?

      You know the saddest thing about such cases is that sometimes—most times—these women stay. They stay, hoping, and praying that it gets better. Because when is it really the right time to leave? And you know, sometimes it is not about traditions and the aspect of women being told to stay, “vumilia” and pray. It is not about, “ what will people say?” It is about a woman who still sees the good in the man she loved. A woman whose heart still has not come to terms with the fact that that man hitting them, is not the same man they fell-in-love with. I woman whose heart is so broken, but one who still loves.  💔💔

      Over the past two years, I have seen so many of these cases that, I have involuntarily turned into a really bitter woman. It is very unfortunate for me that I might never see marriages and partnerships in as much positivity as I did before. Or was I just naive and living in a cocoon of the Disney happily ever after? — I loved it better there.


      I read on a blog I love (they had  shared the post)  that the society should stop viewing single mothers as to having broken homes because theirs is not the typical home of a father, mother, and children.  Their homes are not broken, they are a conventional home, and happy family of the mother and her kids. Broken homes are unhappy homes filled with chaos, homes where the children live with parents who are always fighting, or homes where the parents do not talk to each other. Such homes and families are so broken that they can only be best described as roommates!

       Whenever I hear a child scream because they saw their dad hit their mother, or their mother throw something at their dad and it almost hit them, or the story of how such events happened, my heart (even in a movie, because having seen it in real life, I no longer see it as just fictional acting) I imagine the pain, confusion, anger, and resentment in children brought up in such homes, and how it will affect them as adults, and I wish I there was a prayer, or a magic potion that could make sure they happen.

      Visual Representation of a Frustrated Boy


      You know I wish there was a way the contemporary woman could tell and know that their long-term relationship and or marriage would not work in the future. That the person you trust will one day turn into the one that wrecks you, and the family you built together. Then we would simply let them go when it is easy. Because honestly, teaching your heart to leave when you have spent 15 years and shared 2 to 3 kids with them, (and you don’t know who you are without them) that has got to be the literal leap of faith.  Sadly, most women do not get the strength to choose themselves and do it. Instead, they choose their families; they stay for their kids.  They just are oblivious of the fact that they choose broken families themselves and their kids. We really need to unlearn, and re-learning the definition of a broken home.

      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia

    • Childbirth is Rosy, but Roses have Thorns too ;(

      Childbirth is Rosy, but Roses have Thorns too ;(

      Can we talk about how social media is portraying childbirth to be so easy and rosy?

      I don’t understand why vloggers and influencers are working so hard to show how, easy, fast, and painless their childbirth was. I’m like come on, I thought that was the only thing we agreed as women? Just how devastating and excruciating childbirth can get. If anything, I think they should exaggerate on how terrible it is. I mean, women lose their lives in labor!

      When I had Leroy, I was completely clueless about childbirth or children. I remember going to the hospital thinking, Thank God, it’s now over. After the baby is born, my life will immediately go back to normal. But no, that wasn’t the case at all—In fact, very far from it. I do not want to address labor pains because we have all been told how painful it is, and that we are all prepared for. What no one tells is what happens after the baby is born. Because the legend goes that, as soon as the baby is born, the pain magically disappears—very cute of a story.

      But what exactly happens? After the baby was born, there is that shivering that nobody tells us about, and the acute hunger, and general body weakness. But that’s not what I want to address either. My intention is to address the healing process after leaving the hospital—that I didn’t know existed. I really thought after the baby was born that was it. Woe unto me because, Wueh! Those were some tough days.

      The first day the pain was tolerable, my body was numb, I guess, because that seems like the only logical explanation. Then came the second day and I try to wake up and I seriously cannot. I felt like I had been in a road accident and every bone on my body was broken—no exaggeration. But I would struggle and use all the energy I had to literally pick myself up. It was an entire process stages that had a literal chronological order. First, pick my head, then the upper part of my body and sit. Then twist my legs to the edge of the bed then slooooowly get up with my hands getting support from the bed.

      Once I was up, now getting back on the bed was a problem because sitting down was another huge task. Again, I had to sit very slowly clenching your entire body and supporting your hands on the bed so you can feel as little pain as possible (which is still a lot)

      Let me not get started on the constipation because what the hell was that?!

      And then there is the famous, “you have to sit on hot salty water for your stitches to heal faster.” Do you have any idea how painful that is? When even bending is a problem? And doctors just tell you to do it like it is the easiest thing. Like, give me a heads up Doc! What about the denial and depression that comes crawling? The self-loathing? Because I thought I was crazy when my stomach turned pitch black and I was not sure whether it happens to everyone else, or if it would ever resume its typical color.

      And lest I forget the mother of them all, breastfeeding! You know the first few days, cracked and scaly nipples, sometimes oozing blood instead of milk. But you are a mother now, you must endure to feed your baby. Because if you don’t, that little creature will scream and almost drive you insane, as if you already aren’t.

      You know because of all this some women get postpartum depression so bad that they get suicidal, hate their babies, and even try to harm and or kill them?

      So no, you can’t get a baby and continue with life like nothing happened. I bet those influencers sleep the whole day and just “lift” themselves up to take pictures or a video for 20 minutes. I don’t blame them, that is their work, that is how they earn their living. But trying to make the rest of us feel like only we are exaggerating and theirs was easier, that I disagree.

      Worse is the peer pressure to normalize bouncing back after childbirth. I mean, naturally,the belly takes time to shrink back, and it should be that way. Why would you expect a belly that grew in a span of 9 months to shrink in a week? That is just unrealistic and honestlyubderrrates the whole idea of pregnancy and life bearing. Honestly, why not depict pregnancy and childbirth as candidly as possible?

      So you see such posts, about how childbirth is all rosy, do not believe them. Roses have thorns, and they really sting! But that is the prize you must pay to enjoy the “Rose”

      You know to date, when people ask that nosy and wrong question of why haven’t you got another baby yet, Leroy is old enough now. My answer is always—bado sijai pona, 😂😂😂😂

      Yes, I have never healed.

      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia

    • Ladies, We Might Be Part of the Problem 🙁

      For many years, we women, have discussed and complained of the injustice, double standards, and discrimination within the workplace. Women have a steeper ladder —decorated with thorns — to climb up their careers. A ladder that is built such that the society almost makes it impossible for women to climb. Still, the contemporary woman works as hard as she can to beat all the stereotypes and prejudices that come with being a woman. Unfortunately, as women, we are part the problem, and form part of the reason why the society disrespects and disregards our efforts. But that is not a conversation we are ready to have, is it ladies?

      One of the biggest challenges women face in the job market is the expectation that they have to give sexual favors to their bosses for them to get job promotions, or to actually get the jobs in the first place. As women, we are unanimously highly against this very uncouth, disgusting, and self-degrading act and we always rush to blame the men for putting women in those uncomfortable and humiliating positions. I mean, it is easier to blame the men, because how dare them right?!  

      Plus, men are trash, men are dogs, and men, MEN will embarrass you.

      So why not blame the gender whose name has already been dragged through the mud? Before you go after my throat, for seemingly defending men, I do blame men. They are the bigger part of the problem. I blame men because they are the ones who deny women – who were otherwise qualified – opportunities because they failed to give in to their sexual advances. I blame men because they do not know when to stop. I blame them, and I am so bitter, because they have made employment life hell, for young girls who got into the job market very optimistic and confident in their qualifications.

      But do you know whom I am more disappointed in? No, I am not even just disappointed, I am disgusted with the contemporary women who gave men that power. The women who literally use their bodies to seduce men, and or give them sexual favors in exchange of jobs and promotions. It is because of these women that men see it that every woman should do the same so they can give them job.

      Because of these women, every other woman who bursts her ass off through years of hard work and resilience in the harsh job market cannot enjoy it and be given the appreciation and acknowledge they deserve. You know why? Because people are quick to judge and assume that they, “slept their way up to the top”. “Because sadly with the double standards in our world today, once one woman does it, then every other woman does it (it’s what women do).

      Have you seen the video going rounds shared by Sonko on Nkatha showing him her breasts? In the video, she was the one who initiated the topic; she wanted to show him. It was her way of getting Sonko to get her the job she wanted. And have you seen the conversations about the video? Most of the memes now are “fear women; these people will do anything” or something of a similar tune. But there was a specific caption to the video that really caught my attention. I saw it on a news blog and it read, “Sonko Titty Tuesdays zake zaja willingly.” Yes, what men took from the video (I say that because the most of the comments beneath that video were written by men), is that women are now doing it willingly. And Sonko, has an unlimited supply. So, what to be a man means to them, is to be like Sonko.

      You know what will happen now? Men will expect the same from women who want job opportunities. You know what the saddest part is? These women are there, and they will send the videos and whatever else they have to, and they will get the jobs and promotions they want. From a certain angle that approach could actually be viewed as a win. However, it’s not, and that’s the unfortunate bit. These jobs and promotions will not go to the women who are qualified and deserving, but those who for lack of a better way to put it – use their bodies to get them.

      And sadly, as women, we will continue to blame the men. I mean, don’t we all blame Sonko for leaking the video without her consent? Because if he hadn’t how would we have known about it? We would not, and Nkatha would probably get the job she wanted from Sonko. But was she qualified for it? What’s even sadder, is that maybe she was but did not want to earn the job professionally when she could just simply flush her boobs and bag it.

      Oh yeah no, that was not the saddest bit. The saddest bit is that, she is not the last woman to do so. In fact, hers seemed like an easy task since it was just flushing skin through a video call. Women will still continue to use their bodies to get jobs and promotions. And men will continue to expect the same. And the cycle will never be broken; that will be the norm if it already isn’t. Woe unto you ladies who choose to uphold your dignity and self-worth and actually earn your jobs and titles, you’re in for a tough ride. However, you are the real deal. Because you will endure the struggle, and have absolute pride in not only your achievements, but also, you (we) are the strong women striving to change the narrative.

      But I know that there are some women who would not agree with me. And being that we are walking in a grey area, and this is a lounge for the contemporary woman, I would love to hear it from their perspective.

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️


      Nyambura Macharia

    • These Women Need Compassion, Not Judgement

      Yesterday I went to get my hair done. I have a specific lady who does my hair – let’s call her Jane. Jane has always worked from home since I knew her so go to her home to get my hair done. The reason she worked from home is that she felt like her son was not old enough to be left behind while she went to work. Funny story (horror story depending on who you are), I was almost bitten by her dog while I knocked at her gate. Acting like the typical me, I screamed like a banshee as I grasped for straws that were not there. I could feel my heart pulsating aggressively in my chest as I stood outside the gate panting. Just as I was about to leave, feeling lucky to still have both of my legs, she arrived on a motorbike. Turns out she had recently opened up a salon so she told me to wait for her to get inside and change so we could head over there together. Of course, I waited outside the gate, it’s not like I wanted a second interaction with that bloodthirsty creature!

      As we headed to the salon, she told me that she now felt her son was old enough and she had gotten a sitter. She further explained that she had linked up with another woman and they had rented the stall together. The other lady – let’s call her Sylvia – was selling shoes, while she was running her salon in the same space. I thought that was a rather a subtle approach and I was proud of just how innovative the contemporary woman can get. Now they cost-shared on the rent, and had complementary businesses. I mean, I’ll visit the salon for the hair, but if I see some really nice shoes I will definitely go home with them.

      While I was getting my hair done, the topic of child birth came up (teren teren 😱). You can expect that to be a sensitive topic. Each one of us narrated their individual experiences and we compared the events involved and how they took place. I am becoming more and more surprised on just how often this specific conversation comes up. Somehow, sharing the various traumatic experiences of labour and child birth is just as satisfying as watching crime and murder documentaries – or even better. I also feel like it’s a great way for women to bond because in the instances I have seen the discussion come up, every woman is keen to listen to the other person’s story, and throws in the occasional “Right!” and “me too” in the conversation. In our conversation at the salon yesterday, we all seemed to agree that labour was so excruciating, but there are some women who do not experience the pain at all. Shocking, right?! Anyways, the conversation suddenly pivoted into the topic of miscarriages.

      Sylvia mentioned of how the musician Size 8 Reborn had had a miscarriage and just how unfortunate and sad it was. I then mentioned that around that time another famous lady – Aunty Jemimah – had also lost her child in a stillbirth. The conversation was solemn for a while as Sylvia explained how it was unfortunate that many celebrities had lost their children, and even added the case of Kambua who also lost her child sometime this year. Jane was of the opinion that these celebrity women should keep their pregnancies private because sometimes it is because of some people’s “evil eye” that they lose their pregnancies or babies. Jane went ahead to insinuate that these celebrity women’s pregnancies develop complications after overly-publicised baby showers and pregnancy shoots. But Sylvia jumped right in to correct her that Size 8 had indeed kept her pregnancy secret and had only just revealed she was pregnant when she developed complications and lost the pregnancy. So far nothing too contentious, right? But then Sylvia threw in a claim that left me in bewilderment.

      She argued that most of these celebrities, get miscarriages, still birth, and other pregnancy complications, as well as lose their babies soon after birth because of “the things they use.” At this point I was confused and asked her to explain. She explained that they use special products to prevent pregnancy and monthly periods that subsequently causes their misfortunes. On this front, they agreed with Jane and that confused me even more. I was confused because earlier on in the conversation, the two of them had cited that they were on contraceptives and that they have not gotten their periods since they embarked on them. Are these not some of the “things” the other women used too? Why did they have to be judged? Ooh, right, because they are celebrities.

      Sylvia was not done with her shock bombs. She pointed out that for Kambua’s case, she could not get a child for a long time, because she had waited for long before getting pregnant and trying to get a baby. I mean, but I have seen women get married in their mid-thirties and get pregnant pretty easily. Some young women also struggle to get pregnant. What does not getting a baby early got to do with anything? What is worse is that Kambua’s second baby unfortunately passed on after he was born. It was not about what Kambua possibly did or did not do.

      Sylvia also pointed out that some women get miscarriages because they have had multiple abortions. She explained that for a woman who has terminated many pregnancies, their bodies may understand that after for example 7 weeks, the pregnancy is supposed to be terminated, which causes miscarriages. This part I cannot confirm whether it’s true or not (for now). However, from the whole conversation it became clear to me just how many myths, biases, and stereotypes surround pregnancy and miscarriages. Celebrities are not the only women who lose their pregnancies, get still births, or have their babies die soon after they are born. These cases are more common than you can imagine. It’s just that for celebrities, we find out, and for the other people we do not. From that conversation, based on the two women’s intonations, their gestures and facial expressions, you could smell discrimination from a mile away. And I think that the contemporary woman needs to know that miscarriages are not the woman’s fault. About 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage! You seriously want to tell me that all these women brought it upon themselves?

      Some of the many many causes of miscarriage include: infections, exposure to environmental and workplace hazards such as high levels of radiation or toxic agents, hormonal irregularities, improper implantation of fertilized egg in the uterine lining, maternal age, uterine abnormalities, incompetent cervix, stress, accidents, and other spontaneous cause. I would like to dive into it but I am no medic, and I would not like to mislead anyone. Maybe I could get a doctor to elaborate more then give you all the details.

      The point is, there are so many cases of miscarriages and I feel like it is very unfortunate that these women get to be judged, faulted, and even shamed instead of being comforted. Even if a woman really did terminate their pregnancy, and that were proven (scientifically) to cause miscarriages, do they now deserve to lose all their pregnancies or babies soon after they are born? I think the contemporary woman needs to change their mind-set on miscarriages, stillbirths, and losing children. These women are already suffering from too much heartache to be judged. Let us be compassionate, and support each other.

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️


      Nyambura Macharia

    • The Beautiful and Complex Nature of Female Relationships

      In the first part of this story, I asked the contemporary woman of the oddest ways/places they have made friends. I then went ahead to give examples from my personal life and I am happy that some of y’all gave me feedback on examples from their own lives.  I have to say, that some of those stories were hilarious. Who knew girls could meet in male washrooms? If I remember correctly, at the beginning of that piece, I touched on just how complicated the friendships of the contemporary woman can get but never really dove deep into that. Today, we address that😃. That said, this is the story of the complicated relationships women have with each other.

      Friendships among us women get so complicated because of the weight we put into them. And I guess it starts pretty early in our lives. I remember while in primary school I had two best friends. Interestingly, that is the only time that I can say I had actual best friends who knew they were my best friends – Lynn and Lucy. We were so close that now when I look back at it, it is almost like we were in a cult! We used to go to this swampy area in our school and make wishes from some of the clear water ponds. We did everything together including planning our individual futures. Apparently, we were all to be surgeons 😂😂😂. I am glad to say that one of us— Lynn— is indeed a doctor and surgeon! As for me, the sight of blood makes me gag and lightheaded. Oh, and Lucy now works in a bank. Ours was a love story of three naive girls. Who knew it would end? Ooh wait, fate did!

      We drifted off after finishing primary school. Fortunately, Lynn and I went to the same high school and while we kept in touch, we were evolving. We were both trying to fit into a new environment; a competitive environment. The fact that we were in different classes did not help either, and eventually the besties status got buried. The case of Lucy is even sadder because after she went off to a different high school, we lost touch and finally, our friendship was reduced to a memory. I constantly tried to get her phone number, but to no avail. The few times we met in church while both of us were in campus, she did not reciprocate my enthusiasm in saying hi. I don’t blame her, because as we all grew, we changed, and possibly for her, the Lucy I knew in primary school, was not the Lucy she was then. Anyways, it’s not like it was all bubbly with Lynn. Despite having Lynn’s contacts, I cannot remember the last time we met. We do talk, and I consider us good friends but we are different individuals from who we were back then – we have noticeably grown, especially because of our varying career paths. Life has also given both of us character development to change our perspectives and attitudes in life. Nonetheless, it still great to know that I still keep contact with one of my only official best friends.

      In high school, I never had a best friend, so I really did not have any experience with complications from friendships. I was always the girl in the shadows, and that gave me the chance to see many friends have their friendships get complicated and eventually break. My classmates never had best friends so to speak, unless such friendships were formed after school. What they had were groups, or should I say gangs? There were gangs of the cool kids, gangs of the most beautiful girls, and those who were “dating” boys from the same school. The interesting thing about these gangs is that it was very easy for them to betray each other. There were times they gossiped about the “queen bee” of the group, “she is not the most beautiful in the group I am,” and sometimes a member of the group would get a letter from a boyfriend to another member of the group. Add the juvenile energy of teenage girls into the picture and you can imagine just how messy that got! There were also the occasional public humiliations, the ghosting, and the classic spreading of rumours. Needless to say, these turned into entanglements which eventually broke.  Well, since teenage girls never learn, new groups always cropped up, and the vicious cycle continued.

      Now, in campus and beyond is where these complicated relationships get really intense and ugly! At this stage, we are just being initiated into adulthood, and get to interact with real adults, but still have the little girls in us.

      Have you even been in a situation where you are introduced to your (guy) friend’s girlfriend and you and her become really tight. Like both of you just get each other, your energies match and you actually develop real friendship. Then, this is where it gets tricky, the two break up. You know how weird it gets when you are with the girl and then bump into the ex (the guy) and she does not want to see him? It gets even worse when the guy gets a new girlfriend. Now you are confused, should I get to know her too and become her friend or is that being disloyal to the guy’s previous girlfriend (my friend)? I mean, you have to, maybe she is nice too, and friendly. Now the worst-case scenario is when you become friends with both girls, because both of them are queens and you share different interest. How do you balance the two friendships? What if one of them feels bad, or is angry that you are still friends with the other?

      However, the beauty of the contemporary woman is that we are fast-evolving and in some cases, it is possible for the three women to be friends.

      Now let me give you an example of myself. When I was in campus, I had a friend—Mary. She was the closest I ever got to a best friend, after my two primary school sweethearts 😃. I might even consider it better with her because well, we were trying to navigate adulthood together so the problems were “real” then. Also, she brought ndumas (arrowroots in the white man’s language) to school during opening days and I loved them. It got to a point where I could call her and ask her to bring me some. I mean, even my mother called her when she couldn’t reach me. It was true love y’all. Unfortunately, when I got pregnant, I pushed everyone away, including her.  I also did not want to tell her I was pregnant because I felt ashamed, and thought she would judge me. At the same time, she had also started being friends with some other girls — they are still friends to date— and I felt like, she did not want to be my friend as much. I mean we saw each other less and less, because I was hiding from her, and because she was mostly busy with her new friends – I felt like she had abandoned me. Also, I was jealous of her newly found friendship.  We slowly grew apart, and because we did not talk, rumours—lies while we’re at that— got to me about what she had allegedly said about me. It turns out that she also received rumours about what I had allegedly said about her. Unfortunately, we could not compare notes, so I believed what I heard, and so did she. By then, the damage was so bad that she literally walked past me without so much as look at me. But you know what, we had a real connection! We eventually started talking again, maybe after a year. The funny thing is, we now discussed what she had heard and vice versa and it was just quite interesting baffling really of how much our words had been twisted. Our friendship thrived again and we became close once again. Still, she continued with her friendship with the other girls and am glad she did – at least they can be there for her when am not. We are still friends to date, we don’t talk on a daily, but we make long phone calls when we can.

      So yes, female friendships can be silly, messy, complicated, and even turn into literal entanglements and situationships. I’m sure you ladies have your own examples.

      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia

      .

    • Am I Becoming a Housewife? (The Story of A Personal Struggle).

      One of my greatest fears is becoming or being labelled a “housewife.” In this era, as women, we grew up being constantly reminded that there is more to life than marriage – one of the best lessons to the Contemporary Woman. In fact, we were told that when you have no source of income, your man might not respect for you enough.

       That is not why I am afraid of being labelled a housewife. After graduating from campus in 2017, I was hopeful about getting a career related to my field of study. However, as 2018 unfolded, it slowly dawned on me that it was extremely difficult to secure a job. I studied Agribusiness Management (AGBM) in campus, a field of study which couldn’t be any further from my interests, passion, and sadly, who I am as a person. It’s actually a funny story how I ended up studying that course. While I was doing my KCSE, I was sick and unfortunately lost confidence in myself. I expected to fail, or let us say, score lower results than I could.

       So, when we were told to apply for our campus courses, I put Agribusiness Management in Egerton, Main Campus, as the first choice because, to me, there was no way I could achieve the cluster points required for the course. I then went ahead to put my other desired courses in the second and third categories. I wanted to be a designer, so it was either Clothing, Textiles and Interior Design (CTID), or interior design on its own. I selected these two courses in different campuses, then put graphics design as the last pick since it required the least cluster points. My thoughts were, if I do not get the design I want, then I can do graphics design – it had design in it, so it was good enough for me. Anyway, jokes on me, I outdid myself in the exam and met the cluster points to do Agribusiness Management, and being my first choice and very different from the other choices, they must have assumed I loved it! Either way, I made peace with my fate and actually grew to love my course, although I believe it did not tap into my full potential.

       Back to 2018, throughout the tarmacking and applying for jobs, it so happened that most of the available slots were marketing Agricultural products. Most employers employed AGBM graduates in the same field as Agronomy graduates because we had a better grasp on marketing, management, and leadership unlike Agronomy students who only majored in crops and pests diseases.

       The only problem was that Agribusiness had just one unit on crops, soils, and pests and diseases🤧 This meant that you had to relearn the types of soils, fertilizers, crop pests and diseases, and other farm chemicals, all of which I found difficult to master. No, all which I extremely hated and could not get myself to learn. Therefore, I realized that finding a job did not involve me learning Agronomy was hard, so I started to focus on other works in the line of my passion for writing, which I have been doing remotely up to date majorly. The problem with academic and journal writing, which I mostly do, is that it could be seasonal, which explains my current situation.

       I mostly work from home, so with no formal work, I feel like I am reduced to the woman who only does the dishes and cleans – the housewife I was avoiding to become. Of course, it does not help that I love staying indoors. As a woman who is used to being busy and attaining personal satisfaction from working, and especially writing, and of course, viewing images of interior and fashion designs online, you can imagine how demoralized I have become.

       I am not saying that being a housewife is bad; I solemnly respect women who choose to be housewives. The problem is that for me, it is not a choice. And of course, there will be the people who will say, albeit with subtlety, that your education was not necessary since you are not employed, which makes it all the sadder and depressing. So yes, being a housewife could be a noble choice. It could be. But it’s not the choice for me. Unfortunately, my current job situation makes me feel like one. But hey, at least I can write about it and feel better about myself..🙂


      ❤❤❤❤

      Nyambura Macharia.