The Contemporary Woman

Tag: Strong Women

  • 10 Things Mothers Really Want for Mother’s Day: Celebrating the Unconditional Love

    10 Things Mothers Really Want for Mother’s Day: Celebrating the Unconditional Love

    Mother’s Day is a special occasion that allows us to express our gratitude and appreciation for the incredible women in our lives. It’s a time to celebrate the unconditional love that mothers provide, and to recognize their immeasurable contributions to our well-being. On this day, it’s important to go beyond the typical flowers and chocolates and truly understand what mothers truly want. In this article, we will explore ten things that mothers really want for Mother’s Day, highlighting the significance of their unconditional love. Every year on Mother’s Day, there is the old tale of, mothers should be celebrated every day and so Mother’s Day is not that special. Please, let’s leave that mindset in Mother’s Day 2022 and before. As from this Mother’s Day, let’s take the opportunity to go beyond the ordinary and make mothers feel genuinely appreciated because even the smallest of gestures would suffice. As a mother of two now, I believe that I have garnered ample suffering and expertise in motherhood and set my roots enough to confidently outline 10 things I believe mothers really want o Mother’s Day -Of course I consulted other mothers too.   

    The Unconditional Love of Mothers

    A Mother’s Love Knows No Bounds

    A mother’s love is unlike any other. It knows no bounds and is characterized by its depth, selflessness, and unwavering nature. From the moment a child is born, a mother’s love becomes the guiding force in their lives. It is a love that transcends all obstacles and challenges, providing a sense of security and comfort.

    Sacrifices and Selflessness

    Mothers make countless sacrifices for their children. They put their needs and desires aside to prioritize the well-being and happiness of their families. Whether it’s staying up all night to comfort a sick child or working multiple jobs to provide for their family, mothers exemplify selflessness in its truest form.

    Unwavering Support and Encouragement

    Mothers are the ultimate cheerleaders. They provide unwavering support and encouragement, pushing their children to reach their full potential. Whether it’s attending every soccer game, recital, or school play, mothers are there, cheering on their children and providing a sense of comfort and motivation.

    10 Things Mothers Really Want for Mother’s Day

    Quality Time Together

    One of the most precious gifts a mother can receive is quality time spent with her loved ones. In our fast-paced lives, it’s easy to get caught up in daily routines and forget to pause and truly connect. This Mother’s Day, make it a point to spend uninterrupted time with your mother, engaging in meaningful conversations and creating lasting memories.

    A Break from Responsibilities

    Mothers are constantly juggling multiple responsibilities, from managing the household to taking care of their children’s needs. On Mother’s Day, give your mother a break from her daily duties. Take over the chores, cook her favorite meal, and allow her to relax and rejuvenate.

    Thoughtful Gestures and Acts of Kindness

    Small gestures of kindness can go a long way in making a mother feel cherished and loved. Surprise her with breakfast in bed, write her a heartfelt letter, or simply give her a warm hug. These simple acts of kindness will make her feel appreciated and valued.

    Words of Appreciation and Gratitude

    Expressing your appreciation and gratitude is a powerful way to make your mother feel loved on Mother’s Day. Take the time to tell her how much she means to you and how grateful you are for everything she has done. Let your words come from the heart and make her understand the profound impact she has had on your life.

    Pampering and Self-Care

    Mothers often put their own needs on hold to prioritize their families. This Mother’s Day, pamper your mother and encourage her to indulge in some much-needed self-care. Arrange a spa day, book a massage or facial, or create a relaxing environment at home where she can unwind and rejuvenate.

    Meaningful Gifts with Sentimental Value

    While material gifts can be a thoughtful gesture, what truly matters to mothers are gifts with sentimental value. Consider something that holds a special meaning or represents a cherished memory. It could be a piece of jewelry, a personalized photo album, or a handwritten journal filled with memories and heartfelt messages.

    Surprises and Delightful Moments

    Create delightful surprises for your mother throughout the day. It could be a surprise visit from a family member or friend she hasn’t seen in a while, a beautifully arranged bouquet of her favorite flowers, or tickets to a show or concert she has been wanting to attend. These unexpected moments of joy will make her day even more special.

    Creating Lasting Memories

    Mother’s Day is an opportunity to create lasting memories with your mother. Plan a day filled with activities she enjoys, such as going for a picnic, taking a nature walk, or cooking a meal together. Capture these moments through photographs or videos, ensuring that the memories will be cherished for years to come.

    Recognition and Validation

    Mothers often underestimate the impact they have on their families. Take the time to recognize and validate their efforts. Acknowledge their achievements, strengths, and the positive influence they have had on your life. Let them know that their love and dedication have not gone unnoticed.

    Unconditional Love and Support

    Above all, what mothers truly want is to feel loved, supported, and appreciated unconditionally. Show your mother that she is valued for who she is, not just for what she does. Remind her that your love is unwavering and that you are grateful for the immeasurable love she gives without expecting anything in return.

    Bonus Tip

    Mothers are selfless kind and understanding, eve the smallest of gestures goes a long way. Above all, remember that showing her love and appreciation in her love language is King.

    Conclusion

    Mother’s Day is a special occasion to celebrate the unconditional love and selflessness of mothers. It’s an opportunity to go beyond traditional gifts and truly understand what mothers really want. By spending quality time together, expressing appreciation, pampering them, and creating lasting memories, we can make Mother’s Day a truly memorable and meaningful experience for the incredible women in our lives.

    RELATED POSTS: Happy Mother’s Day to the Contemporary Woman! Happy Birthday to Me

    The Untold Thorny Matrix of Motherhood

    FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

    Q1: Why is it important to recognize and validate a mother’s efforts?

    Recognizing and validating a mother’s efforts acknowledges her sacrifices and challenges, boosts her self-esteem, strengthens the bond between mother and child, and provides the emotional support she needs.

    Q2: How can I show my appreciation and validate my mother’s efforts?

    You can show your appreciation and validate your mother’s efforts by expressing gratitude, acknowledging her achievements, and demonstrating your love and support through words and actions.

    Q3: What are some ways to validate a mother’s efforts on Mother’s Day?

    You can validate a mother’s efforts on Mother’s Day by spending quality time together, expressing your gratitude and appreciation, and acknowledging her unconditional love and sacrifices.

    Q4: How does validation impact a mother’s well-being?

    Validation boosts a mother’s self-esteem, provides emotional support, and reminds her that her efforts are valued and appreciated. It can have a positive impact on her overall well-being and happiness.

    Q5: Why is it important to strengthen the bond between a mother and her children?

    Strengthening the bond between a mother and her children fosters open communication, trust, and understanding. It creates a sense of connection and deepens the emotional relationship between them.

  • Are you feeling Evil for being Jealous? Jealousy is not just a Normal Feeling, but Could be the Feeling that Makes You

    Are you feeling Evil for being Jealous? Jealousy is not just a Normal Feeling, but Could be the Feeling that Makes You

    Regardless of how much people try to make jealously feel like the vilest of all emotions-and rightfully so-It is a very normal and common emotion. In relationships, jealousy is not only normal, but very rampant and not just in romantic relationships but in parent, siblings, and friends’ relationships. In fact, everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their lives. In fact, we should be happy when we get jealous. I am happy when I am jealous, because it means that I am challenged, and I feel that I too need to work hard enough to also have that which I am jealous about. The problem with jealousy only arises when one moves from being a healthy emotion to a negative unhealthy and irrational emotion.

    What Exactly is Jealousy?

    Jealousy is the feeling of resentment, bitterness of hostility when someone owns something you do not. This ranges from social advantage, a trait, money, success, a relationship, gamily, among many other things. When a person is jealous, they wish they too had what the other person has and may become anxious, depressed, or bitter that they do not have it especially because of the uncertainty of whether or not they ever will. Now in the case of positive jealous, despite this feeling of jealousy, these people are able to be happy for the other person and feel challenged and motivated to work for their own and wait for their turn. This is the opposite of negative and unhealthy jealousy. In these cases, these persons are livid. They are so consumed by the spirit of jealousy that not hate or feel the need to steal from the other person or destroy what they have. The worst part is that they can hide their jealousy in compliments while writhing in their morbid jealousy. This is the type of jealousy in the bible which is described as a sin. People with this type of jealousy are dangerous so much that they cause harm. If you believe in superstitions you possibly believe that one form of their jealousy incarnate is in the form of witchcraft.

    What is the Contemporary Woman mostly Jealous of?

    The success of contemporary woman is lucky enough is fortunately, determined by multiple diverse aspects. This is unlike in the case of the traditional woman whose success was solely judged by her marriage and family. While this is a good thing-the fact hat modern women now have multiple aspects defining them, it adds to their pressure since while they want the career, they also want the family which makes it even harder. In this regard, contemporary women are jealous of their friends who have achieved several of the aspects which are considered the societal determinants of their success. These include:

    • A successful career
    • A lavish wedding
    • A huge social media presence
    • Wealth
    • A happy family

    How to Overcome Jealousy

    Dispute being a normal and common emotion, Jealousy can be overwhelming to a person, even in the case where it’s healthy jealousy. It gets worse when its unhealthy jealousy because it causes enmity and drives a huge wedge between relationships and could result in hatred that is passed down generations, especially in families. Henceforth, it is best to overcome jealousy even when it might seem difficult to do. There are various ways to do this which include but are not limited to:

    • Remembering and being grateful for what you have.
    • Trace jealousy back to its source and work towards getting your own
    • Confide in a trusted friend
    • Consider the full picture behind that which you are jealous about—you might just realize that you have it, just in a different way.
    • Be patient with yourself and trust that your time is coming.
    • Remember your own value, and your features or blessings that other people might be jealous about too.
    • In extreme cases, consider seeing a therapist.

    How can I use Jealousy to my Advantage

    People view jealousy like it’s this extremely evil feeling, but actually, jealously can be extremely helpful, informative and the feeling that builds you-when used positively.

    Here are some of the ways in which jealousy could actually be good for you.

    Jealousy can help you focus on your goals– Dr. Michelle Foster, a clinical psychologist and co-director of the Toronto Psychology thinks this, and so do I.  One of the main things that trigger jealously for TCW and everyone else, is career success. Thus, if you viewed this with benign jealously and instead of being malicious take up the challenge, you will work even harder and focus so you can get the same success and be able to get rid of the jealousy.

    Jealousy can help you address certain things in your life– Jealousy can be so eye opening in the context that if you feel jealous to the point where your jealousy becomes malicious. Maybe this is a sign for you to check yourself and understand why you are getting these feelings and work on controlling them even if it means going for therapy instead of acting on the harmful and malicious actions of negative jealousy.

    Generally, contrary to popular opinion, jealousy can be the greatest feeling you ever felt! Life changing really. It is normal, and a feeling triggered by other people having something you greatly desire but do not have. Thus, to grow, put yourself in situations that make you jealous.

    RELATED POST: The Most Toxic Person in Your life Can be Yourself-and so Can Your Biggest Fan!

  • Childbirth is Rosy, but Roses have Thorns too ;(

    Childbirth is Rosy, but Roses have Thorns too ;(

    Can we talk about how social media is portraying childbirth to be so easy and rosy?

    I don’t understand why vloggers and influencers are working so hard to show how, easy, fast, and painless their childbirth was. I’m like come on, I thought that was the only thing we agreed as women? Just how devastating and excruciating childbirth can get. If anything, I think they should exaggerate on how terrible it is. I mean, women lose their lives in labor!

    When I had Leroy, I was completely clueless about childbirth or children. I remember going to the hospital thinking, Thank God, it’s now over. After the baby is born, my life will immediately go back to normal. But no, that wasn’t the case at all—In fact, very far from it. I do not want to address labor pains because we have all been told how painful it is, and that we are all prepared for. What no one tells is what happens after the baby is born. Because the legend goes that, as soon as the baby is born, the pain magically disappears—very cute of a story.

    But what exactly happens? After the baby was born, there is that shivering that nobody tells us about, and the acute hunger, and general body weakness. But that’s not what I want to address either. My intention is to address the healing process after leaving the hospital—that I didn’t know existed. I really thought after the baby was born that was it. Woe unto me because, Wueh! Those were some tough days.

    The first day the pain was tolerable, my body was numb, I guess, because that seems like the only logical explanation. Then came the second day and I try to wake up and I seriously cannot. I felt like I had been in a road accident and every bone on my body was broken—no exaggeration. But I would struggle and use all the energy I had to literally pick myself up. It was an entire process stages that had a literal chronological order. First, pick my head, then the upper part of my body and sit. Then twist my legs to the edge of the bed then slooooowly get up with my hands getting support from the bed.

    Once I was up, now getting back on the bed was a problem because sitting down was another huge task. Again, I had to sit very slowly clenching your entire body and supporting your hands on the bed so you can feel as little pain as possible (which is still a lot)

    Let me not get started on the constipation because what the hell was that?!

    And then there is the famous, “you have to sit on hot salty water for your stitches to heal faster.” Do you have any idea how painful that is? When even bending is a problem? And doctors just tell you to do it like it is the easiest thing. Like, give me a heads up Doc! What about the denial and depression that comes crawling? The self-loathing? Because I thought I was crazy when my stomach turned pitch black and I was not sure whether it happens to everyone else, or if it would ever resume its typical color.

    And lest I forget the mother of them all, breastfeeding! You know the first few days, cracked and scaly nipples, sometimes oozing blood instead of milk. But you are a mother now, you must endure to feed your baby. Because if you don’t, that little creature will scream and almost drive you insane, as if you already aren’t.

    You know because of all this some women get postpartum depression so bad that they get suicidal, hate their babies, and even try to harm and or kill them?

    So no, you can’t get a baby and continue with life like nothing happened. I bet those influencers sleep the whole day and just “lift” themselves up to take pictures or a video for 20 minutes. I don’t blame them, that is their work, that is how they earn their living. But trying to make the rest of us feel like only we are exaggerating and theirs was easier, that I disagree.

    Worse is the peer pressure to normalize bouncing back after childbirth. I mean, naturally,the belly takes time to shrink back, and it should be that way. Why would you expect a belly that grew in a span of 9 months to shrink in a week? That is just unrealistic and honestlyubderrrates the whole idea of pregnancy and life bearing. Honestly, why not depict pregnancy and childbirth as candidly as possible?

    So you see such posts, about how childbirth is all rosy, do not believe them. Roses have thorns, and they really sting! But that is the prize you must pay to enjoy the “Rose”

    You know to date, when people ask that nosy and wrong question of why haven’t you got another baby yet, Leroy is old enough now. My answer is always—bado sijai pona, 😂😂😂😂

    Yes, I have never healed.

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia

  • Ladies, We Might Be Part of the Problem 🙁

    For many years, we women, have discussed and complained of the injustice, double standards, and discrimination within the workplace. Women have a steeper ladder —decorated with thorns — to climb up their careers. A ladder that is built such that the society almost makes it impossible for women to climb. Still, the contemporary woman works as hard as she can to beat all the stereotypes and prejudices that come with being a woman. Unfortunately, as women, we are part the problem, and form part of the reason why the society disrespects and disregards our efforts. But that is not a conversation we are ready to have, is it ladies?

    One of the biggest challenges women face in the job market is the expectation that they have to give sexual favors to their bosses for them to get job promotions, or to actually get the jobs in the first place. As women, we are unanimously highly against this very uncouth, disgusting, and self-degrading act and we always rush to blame the men for putting women in those uncomfortable and humiliating positions. I mean, it is easier to blame the men, because how dare them right?!  

    Plus, men are trash, men are dogs, and men, MEN will embarrass you.

    So why not blame the gender whose name has already been dragged through the mud? Before you go after my throat, for seemingly defending men, I do blame men. They are the bigger part of the problem. I blame men because they are the ones who deny women – who were otherwise qualified – opportunities because they failed to give in to their sexual advances. I blame men because they do not know when to stop. I blame them, and I am so bitter, because they have made employment life hell, for young girls who got into the job market very optimistic and confident in their qualifications.

    But do you know whom I am more disappointed in? No, I am not even just disappointed, I am disgusted with the contemporary women who gave men that power. The women who literally use their bodies to seduce men, and or give them sexual favors in exchange of jobs and promotions. It is because of these women that men see it that every woman should do the same so they can give them job.

    Because of these women, every other woman who bursts her ass off through years of hard work and resilience in the harsh job market cannot enjoy it and be given the appreciation and acknowledge they deserve. You know why? Because people are quick to judge and assume that they, “slept their way up to the top”. “Because sadly with the double standards in our world today, once one woman does it, then every other woman does it (it’s what women do).

    Have you seen the video going rounds shared by Sonko on Nkatha showing him her breasts? In the video, she was the one who initiated the topic; she wanted to show him. It was her way of getting Sonko to get her the job she wanted. And have you seen the conversations about the video? Most of the memes now are “fear women; these people will do anything” or something of a similar tune. But there was a specific caption to the video that really caught my attention. I saw it on a news blog and it read, “Sonko Titty Tuesdays zake zaja willingly.” Yes, what men took from the video (I say that because the most of the comments beneath that video were written by men), is that women are now doing it willingly. And Sonko, has an unlimited supply. So, what to be a man means to them, is to be like Sonko.

    You know what will happen now? Men will expect the same from women who want job opportunities. You know what the saddest part is? These women are there, and they will send the videos and whatever else they have to, and they will get the jobs and promotions they want. From a certain angle that approach could actually be viewed as a win. However, it’s not, and that’s the unfortunate bit. These jobs and promotions will not go to the women who are qualified and deserving, but those who for lack of a better way to put it – use their bodies to get them.

    And sadly, as women, we will continue to blame the men. I mean, don’t we all blame Sonko for leaking the video without her consent? Because if he hadn’t how would we have known about it? We would not, and Nkatha would probably get the job she wanted from Sonko. But was she qualified for it? What’s even sadder, is that maybe she was but did not want to earn the job professionally when she could just simply flush her boobs and bag it.

    Oh yeah no, that was not the saddest bit. The saddest bit is that, she is not the last woman to do so. In fact, hers seemed like an easy task since it was just flushing skin through a video call. Women will still continue to use their bodies to get jobs and promotions. And men will continue to expect the same. And the cycle will never be broken; that will be the norm if it already isn’t. Woe unto you ladies who choose to uphold your dignity and self-worth and actually earn your jobs and titles, you’re in for a tough ride. However, you are the real deal. Because you will endure the struggle, and have absolute pride in not only your achievements, but also, you (we) are the strong women striving to change the narrative.

    But I know that there are some women who would not agree with me. And being that we are walking in a grey area, and this is a lounge for the contemporary woman, I would love to hear it from their perspective.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️


    Nyambura Macharia

  • October is Offering you a Job: You Should Accept It!

    October is Offering you a Job: You Should Accept It!

    Can you believe it that we are already in October? It was literally just the other day that we started off the year. We were all hopeful after a ratchet 2020 we all wanted to end. 2021 was going to be our do-over year. Everyone expected, or at least I did, that 2021 was the year the Corona Virus would miraculously disappear and we would go back to leading our normal lives — or at least what is left of it. Well, sadly for all of us, that never happened, Covid-19 is still there as all we still have to adhere to all the Covid-19 guidelines from our overlords, including the much hated curfew! But it’s all good, if there is anything this virus has taught me, and most of you I am sure, is to be thankful for life.

    Okay, I am getting off-topic now, this article is about the great month of October, the month my mother was born!

    October is a special month to all women globally because it is the International Breast Cancer Awareness Month — BCAM. I have known this since I was in form 3. I remember there was an organization which came to our school to discuss breast cancer awareness. They also volunteered and gave free check-ups to every student in our school with the promise that they would provide preventive treatment to anyone who had the breast cancer genes 1 or 2 — ( BRCA 1) and ( BRCA 2).

    I was too scared to go get checked so I hid to avoid being forced, if it came to that. But I did examine myself during my hiding as was instructed. When doing a breast self-examination, the idea is to check for any unusual lumps  — you want to look out for any lumps that are inconsistent with the normal feel of your breast tissue and come with discomfort or pain when touched — while laying flat on your back. Of course self examination is not as comprehensive as a professional examination, but if done right, you are good to go sis!

    During the breast examination in school, one girl was actually discovered to have the BRCA gene, although I cannot remember where it was BRCA 1 or 2. All I remember is, the dreadful word spreading around the school was, “a girl from 4 North has a lump.” Everyone was so shocked, it seemed like a death sentence. The worst part was that we knew so little about it that she started getting stigmatized. She was “the girl with a lump” and we all behaved like it was communicable.

    It was not a sad story, even though my narration might make you think it was. In fact, as I see it now, it was a rather positive story for the contemporary woman. A story that reeks of hope that for sure, with early diagnosis, breast cancer is totally curable. As the organization had promised, “the girl with the lump,” — I cannot remember her name by the way, but her face stays forever in my mind because of the incident, plus I always found her to be gorgeous — received help.

    The members of the organization, ( I never got the name, or I just cannot remember. My bets are on the latter) enrolled her in their program. They would come pick her from school and take her for tests. Finally, she had an operation and the lump was successfully removed. What could have been a fatal illness was averted and she was free!

    What is the moral of the story you ask? Breast cancer can be fatal, but if detected early enough, it is very much treatable. The girl in my story got a happy ending because of an early diagnosis, and that is exactly what I am driving towards. Get yourself screened by a professional if your family has a history of either BRCA 1 or BRCA 2. For the rest of my fellow women, perform self examinations occasionally, watch out for any unusual lump, and even the slightest discomfort. Do not ignore anything, visit a physician!

    This is the only way that we can have more happy endings; Together we can fight Breast Cancer!

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia.

  • The Story of “Mami”; Trust Me, You Will Love Her.

    The Story of “Mami”; Trust Me, You Will Love Her.

    My mother has been admitted to Top Hill hospital in Eldoret since Thursday last week. I could have written that my mother and I have been admitted, but that would mean that I am also a patient. The truth is, I am just here with her, as her caretaker, or so the hospital calls it. This is my second “visit” to Eldoret town. Ever. The first time was in February this year when she was admitted to the same hospital for the first time. I know, it’s not the ideal way for me to visit the place. Honestly, it would have been better to visit for a different reason. But, from a different perspective, maybe it is the ideal way because this is where my mother got medical help. You know, God’s plan?

    Anyway, the story of my mother is one I will address some other time when I am comfortable enough. Today, I am telling a different story. The story of another patient in that hospital. Back in February, we found this woman admitted near my mother’s ward cubicle. Back then, she was really sick and could barely talk. I did not even know what she was ailing from, and I did not have the courage to ask her caretaker. Somehow, I felt that I would be intruding. So I just minded my business, but it was nice to know that she was getting better since I started hearing her talk.

    The thing about being in a hospital is that it is like you form a community in the wards. Everyone is genuinely worried about the other patient. As unfortunate as the terms leading to the formation of this unique community are, it is such a beautiful society. In fact, it is possibly the closest thing to a genuinely united society that I have ever experienced — a community where everyone celebrates the other person’s recovery, even cheers them on when they do not even know their name.

    Now back to this lady. Unfortunately, when we went back to the hospital in September, she was still there. I was happy to see her talking and even walking to the bathroom, albeit with the support of a nurse. Her recovery seemed miraculous, considering the state I had left her in. However, as it turned out, she did not recover adequately to regain her original mental state. It was during this time that I learned that she had been involved in a road accident. Considering her old age and the impact of the accident, “Mami,” like all the nurses called her, and like she called everyone else, was slightly unstable mentally. It was also evident that she had emotional distress. Nevertheless, she was such a darling, and all the nurses loved her!

    As I saw the nurses attend to her, I realized that she had no “caretaker.” She was all alone. The word was that her family had abandoned her. That was when I remembered that back in February, there was a girl around my age who stayed with her in the ward. While I may not know for certain why her family left, my best guess would be the medical bill. She had stayed in the hospital for several months, and considering the state she was in at the start, the bill might have ballooned to a large sum. But, is that how it should be? Should people just abandon their relatives who stay too long and accumulate hospital bills?

    However, that is not the heart of this story. The heart of the story is about that woman, what she felt about her situation. Mami was in so much emotional distress. It was sad that she felt like she had done something wrong for her to be abandoned. She kept on repeating, “Mungu mmoja kuja, sio kupenda kwangu. Nisamehe kuja, sio kupenda kwangu.” At first, I would ask myself, what could it be that she had done to constantly ask God for forgiveness. Because believe me, she repeated that literally every second with a lot of recourse in her voice. This was before I learned that she had been abandoned, after which my entire perspective changed. She was actually asking God for forgiveness for being sick, for overstaying in the hospital. How sad can that get?

    And it was not just God that she was asking for forgiveness, even her kids. One night, I heard her saying, “Mtoto wangu nikujie, sio kupenda kwangu Mungu mmoja, ni ya Mungu.”
    That’s when it dawned on me; she wanted God to forgive her for being sick because she thought and felt that that was why her children had left her. She was asking for her family’s forgiveness as well because she felt like maybe if they forgave her, they would come to get her. Honestly, the thought of that broke my heart. Other times she would say, “nitafanya nini niokoke nikue mtu mzuri, nikue chini ya Yesu. Mungu nisamehe kwa jina ya Yesu.” To me, her story was a rude awakening. I have always heard of stories of people who had been abandoned in the hospital, but to me they were just that — stories.

    Now I got to see it and couldn’t help but wonder, how many women like her were out there in different hospitals? How many men and children? Despite Mami’s situation, she was lucky the nurses adored her and treated her right. But also, it was about who she was as a person. She was overly courteous and grateful to all the nurses. She did not forget a “Asante Mami,” when her bed was made, or after every trip they took her to the washroom. Even how she made the requests, “Mami naomba unipeleke uko,” while pointing to the washrooms. She even welcomed the nurses to her lunch, of course they did not eat with her, but the gesture is everything. She was such a darling, which is undoubtedly why all the nurses adored her.

    Still her situation made me wonder, what of the case of a patient who is neglected in a hospital with unfriendly nurses? How miserable were their lives? Mami felt like a burden, she even prayed asking God to come take her, “Mungu kuja unichukue, sio kupenda kwangu.” I guess she felt that, if her children would not come take her, then maybe God should.

    Sadly, most of the other patients who found her there simply assumed she was “mad.” but she certainly wasn’t. She might not be entirely stable psychologically, but she knew what she was saying. She was in severe emotional distress. She was suffering, yet sadly, no one could fully help her. She would only find peace if her son, “kijana yangu,” went to see her, or God took her. I know you are wondering what the lesson is here. I am also not sure what to take away from all this. It was just an empathetic story of woman who was suffering from the love of her of her children. So maybe the lesson is to love your family members enough to see them through their toughest situations. No matter how draining they might be, don’t allow them to beg and grieve for their love while still alive like “Mami” did.

    Even though she was receiving good care from her caregivers, she was still suffering because she felt her kids did not love her and should not be. She was craving a type of love that only her children and family could give. So, wherever you are, make sure you take good care of your family. Show them love always, in good and in bad — (and this includes your dearest friends!)

    ❤❤❤❤
    Nyambura Macharia

  • What It Means to be a Strong Woman (A Personal Story).

    You know what they say that when you get a wife, you get a good thing? Or that the best decision a man can make is to marry a good woman? Well, all these assertions are correct! However, I believe and have come to learn that the most accurate approach to marriage is that, whoever you choose as a life partner, make sure they are kind. You are probably wondering where I’m headed with this. Give me your ear, and I will explain.

    In 2015, my maternal grandfather was diagnosed with an illness, which I cannot quite fathom, except its symptoms. He started suffering from dementia that has significantly progressed over the years. He began forgetting people and places to the point that he could barely talk. After multiple hospital visits in different hospitals and seeing various specialists, it was revealed that his condition was irreversible. The doctor who seemed to understand his condition best explained that there must have been a time when my grandfather could not breathe, and his brain did not receive oxygen for several minutes, which is what triggered the illness. This theory makes sense because when my grandfather was first taken to the hospital at the onset of the illness, he had just visited his older sister. During that visit, he is said to have slept in a room that had been locked out for a while.

    Now, back to the main agenda of the story.

    With all his children married off and leading their own lives, they can only visit him so much. As such, my grandmother is my grandfather’s (her husband’s) main caretaker. She is entirely devoted to taking care of him despite the struggle. At this point, my grandfather, with his condition, can only lie in bed. My grandmother feeds and takes care of him like he were a child. I visited him last month and what amazed me is that despite the work and the hurt she must be in seeing her husband in that state, she never complains. She is still hopeful and has faith that God is in control.

    During our visit, my mother, her daughter, could see how disturbed I was, and she told me,

    “I used to come here, and whenever I am about to leave, I always left feeling sick. Then your grandmother told me we have to accept things for how they are, and apart from supporting her emotionally and financially, there is only so much that we can do.”

    Deep inside, I could not help but feel like I had failed my grandmother since I do not communicate with her as often as I probably should. My fear of the situation made me shy away, and I only ever asked my mom about her and how she was doing but rarely asked her directly. This, I swore to change.

    The beauty of the whole situation is that my grandmother, despite everything, still remains hopeful, generous, and very selfless. Because of this, you just cannot help but feel like you do not deserve her. But you know what, God does protect His people because my grandfather has my grandmother to take care of him. And she has people who support and care for her, even though I feel that what we do is still not enough. But as she remains hopeful and strong, so do we.

    So, you know how people call famous people their heroes; my grandmother is mine. Because she is quite literally the strongest woman I know.

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia.