My mother has been admitted to Top Hill hospital in Eldoret since Thursday last week. I could have written that my mother and I have been admitted, but that would mean that I am also a patient. The truth is, I am just here with her, as her caretaker, or so the hospital calls it. This is my second “visit” to Eldoret town. Ever. The first time was in February this year when she was admitted to the same hospital for the first time. I know, it’s not the ideal way for me to visit the place. Honestly, it would have been better to visit for a different reason. But, from a different perspective, maybe it is the ideal way because this is where my mother got medical help. You know, God’s plan?
Anyway, the story of my mother is one I will address some other time when I am comfortable enough. Today, I am telling a different story. The story of another patient in that hospital. Back in February, we found this woman admitted near my mother’s ward cubicle. Back then, she was really sick and could barely talk. I did not even know what she was ailing from, and I did not have the courage to ask her caretaker. Somehow, I felt that I would be intruding. So I just minded my business, but it was nice to know that she was getting better since I started hearing her talk.
The thing about being in a hospital is that it is like you form a community in the wards. Everyone is genuinely worried about the other patient. As unfortunate as the terms leading to the formation of this unique community are, it is such a beautiful society. In fact, it is possibly the closest thing to a genuinely united society that I have ever experienced — a community where everyone celebrates the other person’s recovery, even cheers them on when they do not even know their name.
Now back to this lady. Unfortunately, when we went back to the hospital in September, she was still there. I was happy to see her talking and even walking to the bathroom, albeit with the support of a nurse. Her recovery seemed miraculous, considering the state I had left her in. However, as it turned out, she did not recover adequately to regain her original mental state. It was during this time that I learned that she had been involved in a road accident. Considering her old age and the impact of the accident, “Mami,” like all the nurses called her, and like she called everyone else, was slightly unstable mentally. It was also evident that she had emotional distress. Nevertheless, she was such a darling, and all the nurses loved her!
As I saw the nurses attend to her, I realized that she had no “caretaker.” She was all alone. The word was that her family had abandoned her. That was when I remembered that back in February, there was a girl around my age who stayed with her in the ward. While I may not know for certain why her family left, my best guess would be the medical bill. She had stayed in the hospital for several months, and considering the state she was in at the start, the bill might have ballooned to a large sum. But, is that how it should be? Should people just abandon their relatives who stay too long and accumulate hospital bills?
However, that is not the heart of this story. The heart of the story is about that woman, what she felt about her situation. Mami was in so much emotional distress. It was sad that she felt like she had done something wrong for her to be abandoned. She kept on repeating, “Mungu mmoja kuja, sio kupenda kwangu. Nisamehe kuja, sio kupenda kwangu.” At first, I would ask myself, what could it be that she had done to constantly ask God for forgiveness. Because believe me, she repeated that literally every second with a lot of recourse in her voice. This was before I learned that she had been abandoned, after which my entire perspective changed. She was actually asking God for forgiveness for being sick, for overstaying in the hospital. How sad can that get?
And it was not just God that she was asking for forgiveness, even her kids. One night, I heard her saying, “Mtoto wangu nikujie, sio kupenda kwangu Mungu mmoja, ni ya Mungu.”
That’s when it dawned on me; she wanted God to forgive her for being sick because she thought and felt that that was why her children had left her. She was asking for her family’s forgiveness as well because she felt like maybe if they forgave her, they would come to get her. Honestly, the thought of that broke my heart. Other times she would say, “nitafanya nini niokoke nikue mtu mzuri, nikue chini ya Yesu. Mungu nisamehe kwa jina ya Yesu.” To me, her story was a rude awakening. I have always heard of stories of people who had been abandoned in the hospital, but to me they were just that — stories.
Now I got to see it and couldn’t help but wonder, how many women like her were out there in different hospitals? How many men and children? Despite Mami’s situation, she was lucky the nurses adored her and treated her right. But also, it was about who she was as a person. She was overly courteous and grateful to all the nurses. She did not forget a “Asante Mami,” when her bed was made, or after every trip they took her to the washroom. Even how she made the requests, “Mami naomba unipeleke uko,” while pointing to the washrooms. She even welcomed the nurses to her lunch, of course they did not eat with her, but the gesture is everything. She was such a darling, which is undoubtedly why all the nurses adored her.
Still her situation made me wonder, what of the case of a patient who is neglected in a hospital with unfriendly nurses? How miserable were their lives? Mami felt like a burden, she even prayed asking God to come take her, “Mungu kuja unichukue, sio kupenda kwangu.” I guess she felt that, if her children would not come take her, then maybe God should.
Sadly, most of the other patients who found her there simply assumed she was “mad.” but she certainly wasn’t. She might not be entirely stable psychologically, but she knew what she was saying. She was in severe emotional distress. She was suffering, yet sadly, no one could fully help her. She would only find peace if her son, “kijana yangu,” went to see her, or God took her. I know you are wondering what the lesson is here. I am also not sure what to take away from all this. It was just an empathetic story of woman who was suffering from the love of her of her children. So maybe the lesson is to love your family members enough to see them through their toughest situations. No matter how draining they might be, don’t allow them to beg and grieve for their love while still alive like “Mami” did.
Even though she was receiving good care from her caregivers, she was still suffering because she felt her kids did not love her and should not be. She was craving a type of love that only her children and family could give. So, wherever you are, make sure you take good care of your family. Show them love always, in good and in bad — (and this includes your dearest friends!)
❤❤❤❤
Nyambura Macharia
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