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How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)
The Merry Merry month of May has finally come to an end and I hate to break it to you, but having entered June, we are at mid-year and officially headed towards the second half of the year. Shocking I know, I cannot believe it either. Now back to May, my favorite month if I haven’t made it obvious enough. Apart from being my birthday month and the month the world celebrates mothers, there are actually more reasons to love May. In fact, how about we just call it the month of women. Because it is also in May that we have the Global Menstrual Health Day on 28th May. I don’t know about you, but to me, this basically makes it the World’s Menstrual Health Awareness Month.
Sometime back, probably towards the end of April I saw a post on a Facebook group “Newborns and Beyond,” where mothers, (Established Mothers) were discussing their experiences with their daughters starting their menstruation. Most of these mothers were hoping and praying that their daughters’ periods do not start until they were out of primary school. So that is until they were around 12 years. But, based on their experience, most of their daughters had had their first periods when they were as early as 8 years old!
To be honest, I was in utter bewilderment! I mean, isn’t an 8-year-old a child anymore? I mean, my Leroy is turning 7 this year and I still consider him a child. Yet, it means that if he were a girl, he probably would be getting his periods next year. WTH! The magnitude of the situation heightens when I remember I got my first my periods when I was 12, and back then, I was considered a rather early maturer. And this was actually the case because most of my friends, who were older than me by a year or two were just having their first periods, while some had not. Still, based on what these ladies were hoping for, I consider my mother lucky because my periods came just when I was about to sit for my KCPE, (27th October 2008. How do I remember the actual date? Beats me too 😂). So, technically, I was already done with primary school.
Sanitary Pads Now that their daughters were getting their periods when they were literally ‘babies,’ what these mothers were mostly concerned about was how they were going to educate their girls on how to deal with periods, what were they, and especially period hygiene, seeing that they were so young. Now this made me think, my mother never taught me any of that. Not that she was a bad mother, but it was just a rather difficult topic to address. And neither was it the norm for mothers to have that talk with their daughters, I mean, I’m certain she never had the talk with her mother either. In fact, most of my friends who had the courage or any information about the topic while in primary school, apart from what we had learnt in reproduction, were much older and had older sisters. For the rest of us, when we were in class 8, ‘Always’ was still new in the market and in the quest to advertise their products and of course engage in CSR had come to our school, given us a short lesson on how to use their sanitary pads and given us a packet each. Of course, I gave it to my mother for safe keeping. Or was it to hide such that my brother never came across it. Yes, those were the times there was so much shame and embarrassment in menstruation and menstrual products.
Fast forward to 2022, and I must say I am loving the progress we have made on menstrual health. This May especially, I was awed by the number of organizations, influential persons and the average persons who engaged in activities to spread word on Menstrual Health. The amazing Janet Mbugua even started a podcast, “My First Time Stories” which gives women a space to share their first period experience in a quest to end the stigma on menstruation and spread awareness on the same. While I may not have been able to do much, maybe the least I could do is acknowledge and thank every woman who took part in spreading awareness in menstruation or helping out a girl in need. Creating change doesn’t have to be huge. You can always start by helping your neighbor, a girl in need and while it might just be one person, it has impact. And it creates a ripple effect where women go on helping others and that way we will slowly transform into a fully empowered nation and world in matters regarding menstrual health. And the beauty (and disadvantage) of menstruation is that it never ends, whichever the season, or whatever fire the world is in. Women within the reproductive age still get their periods. Thus, it is never late to help a girl who needs it and make an impact. Also, I feel that with the continuous education, Contemporary Mothers will be empowered enough to have both the knowledge and confidence of having these conversations with their young girls. And for those unfortunate girls who might not have mothers or sisters to hold their hands in the journey, there will be multiple platforms where they can access the information such that they too are not alone.
❤❤❤❤
Nyambura Macharia
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The Graduation Party That Freed Me.
On 8th December 2017, I graduated from Egerton University, Njoro, with a bachelor’s degree in Agribusiness Management. Honestly, it was one of the happiest days of my life. Even more interesting was that it was quite an eventful day, and not so much about the graduation, but other stuff.
The first thing that made the day very special to me was graduating yes. Graduating in Egerton is so tricky that students joke that, “Egerton ni kama Illuminati, ukiingia hakuna kutoka.” About a month to the graduation, I had learnt that I was not on the graduation list. The worst bit is that I had a missing mark for my field attachment, a unit that is covered during the third year; and, needless to say, a “giant” unit. I don’t understand how I ended up with a missing mark, but that almost made me miss the graduation. Lucky for me, I knew and was slightly acquainted to the lecturer who had done my assessment. So, it was easier to find him, and that is how I got my marks reinstated.
Back to the actual graduation day….
I had on my most expensive hairstyle, and I had bought a red pair of heels for the occasion. Of course, I also had a spare pair of red sandals. Also, remember I had two dresses, one that my mum had bought me, and one I that I gifted myself for my graduation-These were the dresses that kicked off my now thriving relationship with dresses. Also, my mother and I had rented a kindergarten graduation gown for my Leroy to wear so we would match, me in mine and him in a tiny one. As you can expect the gown was oversized for him, but still, it worked.
Before my parents arrived, I was introduced to my now mother-in-law. At that time, I was so nervous that I didn’t know what to do with my hands.
On the bright side, I was not the only one who was in an uncomfortable state. She was not only meeting me for the first time but also her 2-year old grandson, whom until that point she did not know existed. She was evidently sweating, but I cannot quite describe the emotions on her face; I think confusion and disbelief would do. As she held her grandson, my legs started to wobble, and I had to switch from my heels to flats. You can imagine how embarrassing that was. That encounter lasted for just a short time because she was leaving, but I felt like an hour passed.
After the mother-in-law incident, I went back to waiting for my family, who had not yet arrived. When they did arrive, the ceremony was already ended, and many people were leaving. This created a commotion since they were going against the traffic gradient. And that explains why it took us quite some time to meet. They got lost in the crowd, I got lost in the crowd looking for them, they got lost again in the crowd looking for me, and there we were stuck in that loop.
After almost two hours, we finally met at “keep left,” a famous stop in Egerton. My parents came, my brothers, as well as my cousin-sister and her daughter. I was very cheekily excited, mostly because of how confused they were as they jostled through the massive crowds of people leaving while they arrived. We took a few pictures, and just like that, it was time to leave. I did not find it important to take them to the graduation venue as the commotion was too much, and we would take hours to get there, let alone leave. Now isn’t that interesting? They came for my graduation but never made it to the graduation grounds.
I remember my brother wearing my graduation gown to take pictures; he did not take it off. As we were exiting the school to get my stuff and meet the others at the agreed point, a lady stopped us asking him for directions to some building in the school. Ironic right? 😂😂😂 Of course, it was I who gave her the directions, and we got going.
It took us all about an hour to reroute and meet in the car, and we started our journey back home. My mother, like the typical African mother, had cooked lunch and packed it for the journey. After leaving the school area with lots of commotion, we packed at the roadside and enjoyed our meal, and soon after we were on our way. I found it funny that my brothers had prepared a whole kilo of roasted peanuts as their snack for the journey. To them, the trip from Thika to Nakuru was too long, while to me, it was just a typical journey.
When we got home, I thought we would hold an occasion, either within the nuclear family or with my extended family – my mother had told me before she would buy me a cake – but my father had other plans, which were no plan at all. According to him, hosting a graduation party was a terrible upcoming culture he was not ready to endow. When people invited others for graduation parties, they expected donations, mainly in the form of money. So he asked, “why do you need people to come to give you money? You are not a charity case, and you have no school fees arrears. Then in a few years, people will start owning your success because they gave you money. If you want a party, get a job, then do it as a thanksgiving, expecting nothing in return. Or you could go back for your masters, then, I can hold the party for you.”
I must admit, I was bummed out, and I did not wholly agree with him. However, my mother told me I could take professional photos with my gown and frame it for memory, but I never did. So that was it; my graduation ended on that journey back home.
Four years later, I am glad it ended that way. I have never found a formal job as “the society” would have expected. Therefore, I know (from the experiences of some of the people we graduated together with) that if I had gone through with the party, I would be dealing with the societal pressure. People saying that even after making a fuss about my graduation I never got a job or looked for one. Also, I never have to feel like I owe anyone an explanation of what I do nor will I owe them my success. Who knew a party, or lack thereof, would free someone?
❤❤❤❤
Nyambura Macharia
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Don’t Ask this Question-When are you getting Pregnant?
You know that famous phrase that says, “ Women are their own worst enemies?” That has to be one of the most relatable phrases I have ever heard. As a woman, I am very ashamed to admit that indeed as women we are our enemies and as such, our greatest hindrance to attaining the full potential of women empowerment. You see, as women, we get jealous of our fellow women’s success. The worst part is that with women, we shame other women, and are even jealous of not just their career development, but also marriage, family, and physical appearance. Women are always against body shaming against women, yet as women, we are the worst body people to point fingers, gossip, and body shame our fellow women, even when are the ones who understand most, what they could be going through, and the stigma that comes with all the physical, health, fertility and other issues that come with being women.
As such, I have a list of certain questions- I will handle separately- which I believe that no woman should ask the other if we want to help create a safe space for my woman to thrive and be themselves. While these questions are many, this article will focus on the main question I believe no woman should ask the other, about fertility, and birth.
When are you getting pregnant?
Women believe that since your age mates have children, or since you recently got married, you should get pregnant, and fast. You will hear things like, “Give your mother-in-law a grandchild,” “If you do not give your husband a child soon, he will leave you.” It baffles me that women do not realise just how offensive these questions are, especially when they are twisted and asked in their mother tongue. Women just do not understand that, while some women choose to wait to have a child, others try to have a child, but to no avail. Wait, or maybe women do understand this, I know they do, these are common cases among us women, maybe they just choose ignorance, and to hurt other people’s feelings. So I always wonder, when people ask such questions, do they ever think, what if she were silently struggling with infertility, do you imagine the psychological turmoil these women go through when you keep reminding them of the battles they choose to fight behind closed doors?
As if this was not enough, there is also a group of other women who ask questions llike, “your baby is big enough, when are you giving him a sister or brother? Such questions bother me, like why do you feel you should ask that? Why should we all not just let different women make their personal decisions alone? Last month during my birthday, I posted a few pictures and I remember a lady replied to my status saying, “you have already slain enough, you should get a second-born now.” My God, the audacity. You know, I simply deleted the text and never replied, lest I give a rude response. It is just bad.
Pregnancy is a blessing, but pregnancy is not the same for everyone. To some women, the first pregnancy is so traumatising, they the thought of a second pregnancy triggers thus trauma and anxiety. Other women develop medical issues after the first pregnancy that hinder them from carrying another pregnancy at all, or result in a series of miscarriages with any subsequent pregnancies.
Now imagine constantly asking such a woman-who is already silently suffering, and maybe even depressed because they cannot bear a child again- “Why don’t you have a second born or third born yet?”
And you know, some women just want to be both psychologically and financially stable before getting a first baby, or another baby. And there is absolutely no timeline, people want different things, during different times, and it should be accepted.
The topic of pregnancy and childbirth is a very delicate and sensitive one that I believe we should not just ask others. Let them be the ones to initiate the conversation or ask for your opinion. Let us be gentle with each other, and promote women empowerment by giving women the freedom to make their personalised decisions without judgement.
You know that famous phrase that says, “ Women are their own worst enemies?” That has to be one of the most relatable phrases I have ever heard. As a woman I am very ashamed to admit that indeed as women we are our own enemies and as such, our greatest hindrance to attaining the full potential of women empowerment. You see, as women, we get jealous of our fellow women’s success. The worst part is that with women, we shame other women, and are even jealous of not just their career development, but also marriage, family, and physical appearance. Women are always against body shaming against women, yet as women, we are the worst body people to point fingers, gossip, and body shame our fellow women, even when are the ones who understand most, what they could be going through, and the stigma that comes with all the physical, health, fertility and other issues that come with being women.
As such, I have a list of certain questions- I will handle separately- which I believe that no woman should ask the other, if we really want to help create a safe space for every woman to thrive and be themselves. While these Questions are many, this article will focus on the main question I believe no woman should ask the other, in relation to fertility, and birth.
When are you getting pregnant?
Women believe that since your age mates have children, or since you recently got married, you should get pregnant, and fast. You will here things like, “Give your mother-in-law a grandchild,” “If you do not give your husband a child soon, he will leave you.” It baffles me that women do not realise just how offensive these questions are, especially when they are twisted and asked in mother tongue. Women just do not understand that, while some women choose to wait to have a child, others actually try to have a child, but to no avail. Wait, or maybe women do understand this, I know they do, these are common cases among us women, maybe they just choose ignorance, and to hurt other people’s feelings. So I always wonder, when people ask such questions, do they ever think, what if she were silently struggling with infertility, do you imagine the psychological turmoil these women go through when you keep reminding them of the battles they choose to fight behind closed doors?
If this is not enough, there is also a group of other women who ask questions like, “your baby is big enough, when are you giving him a sister or brother? Such questions really bother me, like why do you feel you should ask that? Why should we all not just let different women make their personal decisions alone. Last month during my birthday, I posted a few pictures and I remember a lady replied to my status saying , “you have already slayed enough, you should get a second born now.” My God, the audacity. You know, I simply deleted the text and never replied, lest I give a rude response. It is just bad.
Pregnancy is a blessing, but pregnancy is not the same for everyone. To some women, the first pregnancy is so traumatising, they the thought of a second pregnancy triggers thus trauma and anxiety. Other women develop medical issues after the first pregnancy that hinder them from carrying another pregnancy at all, or result in a series of miscarriages with any subsequent pregnancies.
Now imagine constantly asking such a woman-who is already silently suffering, and maybe even depressed because they cannot bear a child again- “Why don’t you have a second born or third born yet?”
And you know, some women just want to be both psychologically and financially stable before getting a first baby, or a another baby. And there is absolutely no timeline, people want different things, during different times, and it should be accepted.
The topic of pregnancy and child birth is a very delicate and sensitive one that I believe we should not just ask others. Let them be the ones to initiate the conversation or ask for your opinion. Let us be gentle with each other, and promote women empowerment by giving women the freedom to make their personalised decisions without judgement.
negative pregnancy test. sad woman on background