The Contemporary Woman

Tag: Pregnancy

  • Childbirth is Rosy, but Roses have Thorns too ;(

    Childbirth is Rosy, but Roses have Thorns too ;(

    Can we talk about how social media is portraying childbirth to be so easy and rosy?

    I don’t understand why vloggers and influencers are working so hard to show how, easy, fast, and painless their childbirth was. I’m like come on, I thought that was the only thing we agreed as women? Just how devastating and excruciating childbirth can get. If anything, I think they should exaggerate on how terrible it is. I mean, women lose their lives in labor!

    When I had Leroy, I was completely clueless about childbirth or children. I remember going to the hospital thinking, Thank God, it’s now over. After the baby is born, my life will immediately go back to normal. But no, that wasn’t the case at all—In fact, very far from it. I do not want to address labor pains because we have all been told how painful it is, and that we are all prepared for. What no one tells is what happens after the baby is born. Because the legend goes that, as soon as the baby is born, the pain magically disappears—very cute of a story.

    But what exactly happens? After the baby was born, there is that shivering that nobody tells us about, and the acute hunger, and general body weakness. But that’s not what I want to address either. My intention is to address the healing process after leaving the hospital—that I didn’t know existed. I really thought after the baby was born that was it. Woe unto me because, Wueh! Those were some tough days.

    The first day the pain was tolerable, my body was numb, I guess, because that seems like the only logical explanation. Then came the second day and I try to wake up and I seriously cannot. I felt like I had been in a road accident and every bone on my body was broken—no exaggeration. But I would struggle and use all the energy I had to literally pick myself up. It was an entire process stages that had a literal chronological order. First, pick my head, then the upper part of my body and sit. Then twist my legs to the edge of the bed then slooooowly get up with my hands getting support from the bed.

    Once I was up, now getting back on the bed was a problem because sitting down was another huge task. Again, I had to sit very slowly clenching your entire body and supporting your hands on the bed so you can feel as little pain as possible (which is still a lot)

    Let me not get started on the constipation because what the hell was that?!

    And then there is the famous, “you have to sit on hot salty water for your stitches to heal faster.” Do you have any idea how painful that is? When even bending is a problem? And doctors just tell you to do it like it is the easiest thing. Like, give me a heads up Doc! What about the denial and depression that comes crawling? The self-loathing? Because I thought I was crazy when my stomach turned pitch black and I was not sure whether it happens to everyone else, or if it would ever resume its typical color.

    And lest I forget the mother of them all, breastfeeding! You know the first few days, cracked and scaly nipples, sometimes oozing blood instead of milk. But you are a mother now, you must endure to feed your baby. Because if you don’t, that little creature will scream and almost drive you insane, as if you already aren’t.

    You know because of all this some women get postpartum depression so bad that they get suicidal, hate their babies, and even try to harm and or kill them?

    So no, you can’t get a baby and continue with life like nothing happened. I bet those influencers sleep the whole day and just “lift” themselves up to take pictures or a video for 20 minutes. I don’t blame them, that is their work, that is how they earn their living. But trying to make the rest of us feel like only we are exaggerating and theirs was easier, that I disagree.

    Worse is the peer pressure to normalize bouncing back after childbirth. I mean, naturally,the belly takes time to shrink back, and it should be that way. Why would you expect a belly that grew in a span of 9 months to shrink in a week? That is just unrealistic and honestlyubderrrates the whole idea of pregnancy and life bearing. Honestly, why not depict pregnancy and childbirth as candidly as possible?

    So you see such posts, about how childbirth is all rosy, do not believe them. Roses have thorns, and they really sting! But that is the prize you must pay to enjoy the “Rose”

    You know to date, when people ask that nosy and wrong question of why haven’t you got another baby yet, Leroy is old enough now. My answer is always—bado sijai pona, 😂😂😂😂

    Yes, I have never healed.

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia

  • These Women Need Compassion, Not Judgement

    Yesterday I went to get my hair done. I have a specific lady who does my hair – let’s call her Jane. Jane has always worked from home since I knew her so go to her home to get my hair done. The reason she worked from home is that she felt like her son was not old enough to be left behind while she went to work. Funny story (horror story depending on who you are), I was almost bitten by her dog while I knocked at her gate. Acting like the typical me, I screamed like a banshee as I grasped for straws that were not there. I could feel my heart pulsating aggressively in my chest as I stood outside the gate panting. Just as I was about to leave, feeling lucky to still have both of my legs, she arrived on a motorbike. Turns out she had recently opened up a salon so she told me to wait for her to get inside and change so we could head over there together. Of course, I waited outside the gate, it’s not like I wanted a second interaction with that bloodthirsty creature!

    As we headed to the salon, she told me that she now felt her son was old enough and she had gotten a sitter. She further explained that she had linked up with another woman and they had rented the stall together. The other lady – let’s call her Sylvia – was selling shoes, while she was running her salon in the same space. I thought that was a rather a subtle approach and I was proud of just how innovative the contemporary woman can get. Now they cost-shared on the rent, and had complementary businesses. I mean, I’ll visit the salon for the hair, but if I see some really nice shoes I will definitely go home with them.

    While I was getting my hair done, the topic of child birth came up (teren teren 😱). You can expect that to be a sensitive topic. Each one of us narrated their individual experiences and we compared the events involved and how they took place. I am becoming more and more surprised on just how often this specific conversation comes up. Somehow, sharing the various traumatic experiences of labour and child birth is just as satisfying as watching crime and murder documentaries – or even better. I also feel like it’s a great way for women to bond because in the instances I have seen the discussion come up, every woman is keen to listen to the other person’s story, and throws in the occasional “Right!” and “me too” in the conversation. In our conversation at the salon yesterday, we all seemed to agree that labour was so excruciating, but there are some women who do not experience the pain at all. Shocking, right?! Anyways, the conversation suddenly pivoted into the topic of miscarriages.

    Sylvia mentioned of how the musician Size 8 Reborn had had a miscarriage and just how unfortunate and sad it was. I then mentioned that around that time another famous lady – Aunty Jemimah – had also lost her child in a stillbirth. The conversation was solemn for a while as Sylvia explained how it was unfortunate that many celebrities had lost their children, and even added the case of Kambua who also lost her child sometime this year. Jane was of the opinion that these celebrity women should keep their pregnancies private because sometimes it is because of some people’s “evil eye” that they lose their pregnancies or babies. Jane went ahead to insinuate that these celebrity women’s pregnancies develop complications after overly-publicised baby showers and pregnancy shoots. But Sylvia jumped right in to correct her that Size 8 had indeed kept her pregnancy secret and had only just revealed she was pregnant when she developed complications and lost the pregnancy. So far nothing too contentious, right? But then Sylvia threw in a claim that left me in bewilderment.

    She argued that most of these celebrities, get miscarriages, still birth, and other pregnancy complications, as well as lose their babies soon after birth because of “the things they use.” At this point I was confused and asked her to explain. She explained that they use special products to prevent pregnancy and monthly periods that subsequently causes their misfortunes. On this front, they agreed with Jane and that confused me even more. I was confused because earlier on in the conversation, the two of them had cited that they were on contraceptives and that they have not gotten their periods since they embarked on them. Are these not some of the “things” the other women used too? Why did they have to be judged? Ooh, right, because they are celebrities.

    Sylvia was not done with her shock bombs. She pointed out that for Kambua’s case, she could not get a child for a long time, because she had waited for long before getting pregnant and trying to get a baby. I mean, but I have seen women get married in their mid-thirties and get pregnant pretty easily. Some young women also struggle to get pregnant. What does not getting a baby early got to do with anything? What is worse is that Kambua’s second baby unfortunately passed on after he was born. It was not about what Kambua possibly did or did not do.

    Sylvia also pointed out that some women get miscarriages because they have had multiple abortions. She explained that for a woman who has terminated many pregnancies, their bodies may understand that after for example 7 weeks, the pregnancy is supposed to be terminated, which causes miscarriages. This part I cannot confirm whether it’s true or not (for now). However, from the whole conversation it became clear to me just how many myths, biases, and stereotypes surround pregnancy and miscarriages. Celebrities are not the only women who lose their pregnancies, get still births, or have their babies die soon after they are born. These cases are more common than you can imagine. It’s just that for celebrities, we find out, and for the other people we do not. From that conversation, based on the two women’s intonations, their gestures and facial expressions, you could smell discrimination from a mile away. And I think that the contemporary woman needs to know that miscarriages are not the woman’s fault. About 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage! You seriously want to tell me that all these women brought it upon themselves?

    Some of the many many causes of miscarriage include: infections, exposure to environmental and workplace hazards such as high levels of radiation or toxic agents, hormonal irregularities, improper implantation of fertilized egg in the uterine lining, maternal age, uterine abnormalities, incompetent cervix, stress, accidents, and other spontaneous cause. I would like to dive into it but I am no medic, and I would not like to mislead anyone. Maybe I could get a doctor to elaborate more then give you all the details.

    The point is, there are so many cases of miscarriages and I feel like it is very unfortunate that these women get to be judged, faulted, and even shamed instead of being comforted. Even if a woman really did terminate their pregnancy, and that were proven (scientifically) to cause miscarriages, do they now deserve to lose all their pregnancies or babies soon after they are born? I think the contemporary woman needs to change their mind-set on miscarriages, stillbirths, and losing children. These women are already suffering from too much heartache to be judged. Let us be compassionate, and support each other.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️


    Nyambura Macharia