You know that famous phrase that says, “ Women are their own worst enemies?” That has to be one of the most relatable phrases I have ever heard. As a woman, I am very ashamed to admit that indeed as women we are our enemies and as such, our greatest hindrance to attaining the full potential of women empowerment. You see, as women, we get jealous of our fellow women’s success. The worst part is that with women, we shame other women, and are even jealous of not just their career development, but also marriage, family, and physical appearance. Women are always against body shaming against women, yet as women, we are the worst body people to point fingers, gossip, and body shame our fellow women, even when are the ones who understand most, what they could be going through, and the stigma that comes with all the physical, health, fertility and other issues that come with being women.
As such, I have a list of certain questions- I will handle separately- which I believe that no woman should ask the other if we want to help create a safe space for my woman to thrive and be themselves. While these questions are many, this article will focus on the main question I believe no woman should ask the other, about fertility, and birth.
When are you getting pregnant?
Women believe that since your age mates have children, or since you recently got married, you should get pregnant, and fast. You will hear things like, “Give your mother-in-law a grandchild,” “If you do not give your husband a child soon, he will leave you.” It baffles me that women do not realise just how offensive these questions are, especially when they are twisted and asked in their mother tongue. Women just do not understand that, while some women choose to wait to have a child, others try to have a child, but to no avail. Wait, or maybe women do understand this, I know they do, these are common cases among us women, maybe they just choose ignorance, and to hurt other people’s feelings. So I always wonder, when people ask such questions, do they ever think, what if she were silently struggling with infertility, do you imagine the psychological turmoil these women go through when you keep reminding them of the battles they choose to fight behind closed doors?
As if this was not enough, there is also a group of other women who ask questions llike, “your baby is big enough, when are you giving him a sister or brother? Such questions bother me, like why do you feel you should ask that? Why should we all not just let different women make their personal decisions alone? Last month during my birthday, I posted a few pictures and I remember a lady replied to my status saying, “you have already slain enough, you should get a second-born now.” My God, the audacity. You know, I simply deleted the text and never replied, lest I give a rude response. It is just bad.
Pregnancy is a blessing, but pregnancy is not the same for everyone. To some women, the first pregnancy is so traumatising, they the thought of a second pregnancy triggers thus trauma and anxiety. Other women develop medical issues after the first pregnancy that hinder them from carrying another pregnancy at all, or result in a series of miscarriages with any subsequent pregnancies.
Now imagine constantly asking such a woman-who is already silently suffering, and maybe even depressed because they cannot bear a child again- “Why don’t you have a second born or third born yet?”
And you know, some women just want to be both psychologically and financially stable before getting a first baby, or another baby. And there is absolutely no timeline, people want different things, during different times, and it should be accepted.
The topic of pregnancy and childbirth is a very delicate and sensitive one that I believe we should not just ask others. Let them be the ones to initiate the conversation or ask for your opinion. Let us be gentle with each other, and promote women empowerment by giving women the freedom to make their personalised decisions without judgement.
You know that famous phrase that says, “ Women are their own worst enemies?” That has to be one of the most relatable phrases I have ever heard. As a woman I am very ashamed to admit that indeed as women we are our own enemies and as such, our greatest hindrance to attaining the full potential of women empowerment. You see, as women, we get jealous of our fellow women’s success. The worst part is that with women, we shame other women, and are even jealous of not just their career development, but also marriage, family, and physical appearance. Women are always against body shaming against women, yet as women, we are the worst body people to point fingers, gossip, and body shame our fellow women, even when are the ones who understand most, what they could be going through, and the stigma that comes with all the physical, health, fertility and other issues that come with being women.
As such, I have a list of certain questions- I will handle separately- which I believe that no woman should ask the other, if we really want to help create a safe space for every woman to thrive and be themselves. While these Questions are many, this article will focus on the main question I believe no woman should ask the other, in relation to fertility, and birth.
When are you getting pregnant?
Women believe that since your age mates have children, or since you recently got married, you should get pregnant, and fast. You will here things like, “Give your mother-in-law a grandchild,” “If you do not give your husband a child soon, he will leave you.” It baffles me that women do not realise just how offensive these questions are, especially when they are twisted and asked in mother tongue. Women just do not understand that, while some women choose to wait to have a child, others actually try to have a child, but to no avail. Wait, or maybe women do understand this, I know they do, these are common cases among us women, maybe they just choose ignorance, and to hurt other people’s feelings. So I always wonder, when people ask such questions, do they ever think, what if she were silently struggling with infertility, do you imagine the psychological turmoil these women go through when you keep reminding them of the battles they choose to fight behind closed doors?
If this is not enough, there is also a group of other women who ask questions like, “your baby is big enough, when are you giving him a sister or brother? Such questions really bother me, like why do you feel you should ask that? Why should we all not just let different women make their personal decisions alone. Last month during my birthday, I posted a few pictures and I remember a lady replied to my status saying , “you have already slayed enough, you should get a second born now.” My God, the audacity. You know, I simply deleted the text and never replied, lest I give a rude response. It is just bad.
Pregnancy is a blessing, but pregnancy is not the same for everyone. To some women, the first pregnancy is so traumatising, they the thought of a second pregnancy triggers thus trauma and anxiety. Other women develop medical issues after the first pregnancy that hinder them from carrying another pregnancy at all, or result in a series of miscarriages with any subsequent pregnancies.
Now imagine constantly asking such a woman-who is already silently suffering, and maybe even depressed because they cannot bear a child again- “Why don’t you have a second born or third born yet?”
And you know, some women just want to be both psychologically and financially stable before getting a first baby, or a another baby. And there is absolutely no timeline, people want different things, during different times, and it should be accepted.
The topic of pregnancy and child birth is a very delicate and sensitive one that I believe we should not just ask others. Let them be the ones to initiate the conversation or ask for your opinion. Let us be gentle with each other, and promote women empowerment by giving women the freedom to make their personalised decisions without judgement.
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