The Contemporary Woman

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  • How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)

    How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)

    The Merry Merry month of May has finally come to an end and I hate to break it to you, but having entered June, we are at mid-year and officially headed towards the second half of the year. Shocking I know, I cannot believe it either. Now back to May, my favorite month if I haven’t made it obvious enough. Apart from being my birthday month and the month the world celebrates mothers, there are actually more reasons to love May. In fact, how about we just call it the month of women. Because it is also in May that we have the Global Menstrual Health Day on 28th May. I don’t know about you, but to me, this basically makes it the World’s Menstrual Health Awareness Month.

    Sometime back, probably towards the end of April I saw a post on a Facebook group “Newborns and Beyond,” where mothers, (Established Mothers) were discussing their experiences with their daughters starting their menstruation. Most of these mothers were hoping and praying that their daughters’ periods do not start until they were out of primary school. So that is until they were around 12 years. But, based on their experience, most of their daughters had had their first periods when they were as early as 8 years old!

    To be honest, I was in utter bewilderment! I mean, isn’t an 8-year-old a child anymore? I mean, my Leroy is turning 7 this year and I still consider him a child. Yet, it means that if he were a girl, he probably would be getting his periods next year. WTH! The magnitude of the situation heightens when I remember I got my first my periods when I was 12, and back then, I was considered a rather early maturer. And this was actually the case because most of my friends, who were older than me by a year or two were just having their first periods, while some had not. Still, based on what these ladies were hoping for, I consider my mother lucky because my periods came just when I was about to sit for my KCPE, (27th October 2008. How do I remember the actual date? Beats me too 😂). So, technically, I was already done with primary school.

    Sanitary Pads

    Now that their daughters were getting their periods when they were literally ‘babies,’ what these mothers were mostly concerned about was how they were going to educate their girls on how to deal with periods, what were they, and especially period hygiene, seeing that they were so young. Now this made me think, my mother never taught me any of that. Not that she was a bad mother, but it was just a rather difficult topic to address. And neither was it the norm for mothers to have that talk with their daughters, I mean, I’m certain she never had the talk with her mother either.  In fact, most of my friends who had the courage or any information about the topic while in primary school, apart from what we had learnt in reproduction, were much older and had older sisters. For the rest of us, when we were in class 8, ‘Always’ was still new in the market and in the quest to advertise their products and of course engage in CSR had come to our school, given us a short lesson on how to use their sanitary pads and given us a packet each. Of course, I gave it to my mother for safe keeping. Or was it to hide such that my brother never came across it. Yes, those were the times there was so much shame and embarrassment in menstruation and menstrual products.

    Fast forward to 2022, and I must say I am loving the progress we have made on menstrual health. This May especially, I was awed by the number of organizations, influential persons and the average persons who engaged in activities to spread word on Menstrual Health. The amazing Janet Mbugua even started a podcast, “My First Time Stories” which gives women a space to share their first period experience in a quest to end the stigma on menstruation and spread awareness on the same. While I may not have been able to do much, maybe the least I could do is acknowledge and thank every woman who took part in spreading awareness in menstruation or helping out a girl in need. Creating change doesn’t have to be huge. You can always start by helping your neighbor, a girl in need and while it might just be one person, it has impact. And it creates a ripple effect where women go on helping others and that way we will slowly transform into a fully empowered nation and world in matters regarding menstrual health. And the beauty (and disadvantage) of menstruation is that it never ends, whichever the season, or whatever fire the world is in. Women within the reproductive age still get their periods. Thus, it is never late to help a girl who needs it and make an impact. Also, I feel that with the continuous education, Contemporary Mothers will be empowered enough to have both the knowledge and confidence of having these conversations with their young girls. And for those unfortunate girls who might not have mothers or sisters to hold their hands in the journey, there will be multiple platforms where they can access the information such that they too are not alone.

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia

  • The Untold Thorny Matrix of Motherhood

    The Untold Thorny Matrix of Motherhood

    As a mother of one, sometimes I wonder, how a mother divides their love wholesomely among their several children. Like, when I get another baby, will I feel the same way I feel towards my Leroy, or will it be different? How will I be able to still love Leroy–like I do–and still love another baby the same? Now, this might appear lame to some of you, but it really is a legit question, and not all mothers are able to perfectly distribute their love to their children. I mean I have heard bitter people complain that their parents openly favored some of their siblings. But still, I know of many people who cherish and praise their parents for loving them and their siblings equally– but differently depending on their various personalities, needs and wants.

    Still, this remains a fear of mine, what if in future, I cannot be the best mother to all-considering I am still learning on motherhood. However, like I wrote on Mother’s Day, Leroy calling me “good mother”, is really quite reassuring. Still on that post, (I guess we can call this its continuation) I had several people replying and acknowledging the fact that I remembered that toxic mothers do exist. I mean, how could I not. As much as most people adore their mothers and gush over how loving they were, and still are, there are some people who cringe at the sound and thought of their mothers, literally!

    I remember back in primary school; I had a classmate who shuddered at the thought of her mother. I mean, she was completely petrified by her. She never carried her homework home, most of the times, but chose to finish it in school because when she got home, being the first born, she had to help her mother. She was a single mother, and being the first born, the girl, let’s call her-June- was undoubtedly the assistant mother. She was completely responsible for her siblings whenever her mother was not around which some months was a lot, seeing that her mother often worked nightshifts. I remember one specific day where she came to school looing quite worn-out. I mostly got to school early, so on that specific day, I could tell she arrived earlier than usual. I did not even have to ask, she told me that the previous night, she slept outside, with no supper, as her mother’s punishment for getting home late. Now even I was scared of her mother. And to this day, I can perfectly remember how that seemed liked the worst punishment I could ever receive as child. Every time I offended my mother, which I tried not to, I had this deep fear that literally gave me anxiety at the thought that she would give me the same punishment.

    Toxic Mother

    Needless to say, that was my first encounter with the idea that mothers could be cruel. Of course I grew up and learnt that there were many of such mothers, and worse. There are mothers who are physically abusive to their children, those that are psychologically abusive or both. I find it extremely sad and disheartening that some of these mothers believe that is how motherhood should be. That to be a great mother, you need to be tough and harsh, and violent lest your children stray–the typical “African mother.” And while they may mean well, it just isn’t right and doesn’t make it any less abusive. And sometimes, it becomes too excessive to be considered anything other than toxic. Sadly, like in the case of my friend, it was just a bitter single mother projecting her stress and frustrations on her child-Knowingly or unknowingly.

    Then on the onset of the rise of the Contemporary empowered woman, came the dawn of absentee mothers. Now, given that I represent the voice of the contemporary woman, and a woman who believes that women should never have to choose between career and family; a woman who has addressed mom-guilt before and still insisted that it is okay and there is absolutely no shame in getting help to raise your child, yes, I dare say that there are absentee mothers.

    You see, there is a thin line between being a working, busy mother, and a negligent mother who is even barely one. Now now, here me out before casting your stones. There are the contemporary mothers who do not want to experience any inconvenience, nor do they want to change their lives in the slightest bit to accommodate their children. These are the mothers– and I know some of my readers might hate me for this– who take their children to live with their grandmothers and only go to see them once per year, on Christmas. Now I am not too ignorant as to not understand that there are situations and circumstances that force some mothers to do this, but there are those that do not even try. In fact, they send their kids there to escape from the responsibility.  These are the ones who never call to talk to their children, never send upkeep money, buy them something nice, go and spend a few days or even have them over for even a week when schools close. These are the mothers who make it their job to deny, and even hide that they are mothers to their city folks. The worst part is that, because of this, even while their circumstances may not be suitable for them to live with their kids, they do not even attempt to fix the situation, because they see no future living with their children.

    Now here comes the most controversial part about this writing, and motherhood in general–women who choose not to be mothers. The era of toxic mothers, combined with the rise of absentee mothers, and the women empowerment has seen many women re-evaluate their choice, to be mothers. In fact, there have been several celebrities who have come out and clearly stated that they do not wish to get children. What I do not understand is why these women, despite representing the voice of many received so much criticism. Some of the reasons these women, and the many I have heard with the same opinion cite for their choice is; they wish to focus on their careers, or they feel motherhood is not for them-because they do not want to be responsible for children, or because they do not want to be tied down. I mean, aren’t these very logical and valid reasons to choose not to be a mother? Let us not pretend like motherhood is not a ‘job’ on its own. Like some women do not become mothers and regret it their entire lives, because if we are being honest, most absentee mothers never wanted to be mothers or weren’t ready to be.  

    Thorny Motherhood

    I am a mother yes, but if any woman chooses not to be a mother, I would absolutely support them. In fact, I love the fact that the contemporary woman is so empowered that they know that their value in the society is not limited to their being mothers. I love that the contemporary woman knows that they can get the uttermost satisfaction not just from motherhood, but also from fulfilling careers. But above all, I love that some women are ready to break generational traumas by choosing not to be mothers, rather than being terrible mothers and scaring a whole other generation.

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia

  • Happy Mother’s Day to the Contemporary Woman! Happy Birthday to Me 😊

    Happy Mother’s Day to the Contemporary Woman! Happy Birthday to Me 😊

    Today, 8th May 2022, is both my birthday and Mother’s Day. Am I excited? I don’t know. I mean I like the idea–I always loved my birthdays– but looking forward to the day, not so much, or maybe differently. I just know that it should be my day. I’m just not sure how I should spend it. Wait, maybe I am, it’s just that it does not conform to the typical birthday celebrations.

    Enough of my birthday, we have an even bigger holiday today, Mother’s Day. I have heard men complain that women ask for many “holidays” in the year starting with Valentine’s Day, Women’s Day, now Mother’s Day, International Day of the Girl Child, ooh and there is another I recently discovered/ learnt about, Girlfriend’s Day”. However, despite all the complains, there is one of these days that they seem to agree deserves to be celebrated, and that is today–Mother’s Day.

    I mean, I see people men allow for all other jokes except any that touches even an inch of their mother. I mean, the other day, I saw my brother post, “If I didn’t know God, my mother would be God.”

    And well, not to put this out there but once–along time ago when we still were evolving–my brothers roughed up a woman who messed around with our mother. Again, not to put it out there 😂. But you know what, I still remember some woman ask, “How do you joke with a woman with grown sons.” My point? we all agree that mothers deserve our uttermost respect!

    We all love our mothers; I know this might not be completely true to everyone because there are toxic mothers out there. But from what I know, the people who do not have supportive mothers or those brought up by toxic mothers have mother issues. Because it comes naturally to all of us that we should crave a mother’s love. With this in mind, I really sympathize with such persons, and send hugs not just to them, but to those who lost their mothers young. I wish I could tell you that I understand what you are going through, but that would be insensitive of me. So instead, I wish to tell you that I am proud of you for surviving thus far. 😊❤

    Mothers are Amazing, I have heard y’all gushing over your mothers calling them queens, your pillars and what not with so much passion. Luckily, we pick up so much from them, knowingly or unknowingly. In fact, I know, as a mother, as fake of a mother as I may be–because I really don’t know if I really embody a mother as motherly as my mother–That woman is the real deal. Most of our mothers are, and they’ve been, since day one. It’s just that, we are just now realizing it as we grow older. It gets deeper when we are trying to be mothers ourselves and realize that we aren’t even close to being half of the mothers who raised us.

    Which is why, for this Mother’s Day, I want to celebrate myself–and every other “startup” mother out there–The Contemporary Mother. Mothers who constantly question our abilities as mothers. We who do not know whether we are doing the right thing, leave alone doing enough as mothers. We who feel undeserving of the title. I mean sometimes I wonder you know how we always say that a man can be a father and not a dad. What if it’s possible to just birth a child and never be motherly enough to them? Maybe I am just overthinking, but I feel that is a thing. Either way, while we, “start up” mothers might not be as established as our mothers, and their mothers, I know we try. I mean I know I do, and I know several queens who do too. We might juggle between school, work and our motherly duties, and even just wing it with the “being a mother” but someone told me that that is what makes us mothers. It doesn’t matter whether you receive help. You are doing Good.

    And you know what, the other day my Leroy called me, “Good mother” after I bought him something. You know, like I tell him, “Good boy” 😅 I don’t know about you, but, that’s pretty reassuring. 😊😊

    Now let’s go back to just how much my mother is the best because at 7:35 a.m. (as I am writing this piece), I had already received a “Happy Birthday” text. She said “sikua nataka deni ya birthday” Oh how she knows me too well. 🤗🤗

    Birthday Mama ❤

    Speaking of which, you know how I said I know how to spend my birthday its just that it doesn’t conform to the typical birthday celebrations? I just want to rest man! Best, Stuffing my face with cake 🙂. The perfect Mother’s Day and Birthday merge.

    Happy Mother’s Day To all mothers; yours, mine, you and me!

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia

  • These Women Need Compassion, Not Judgement

    Yesterday I went to get my hair done. I have a specific lady who does my hair – let’s call her Jane. Jane has always worked from home since I knew her so go to her home to get my hair done. The reason she worked from home is that she felt like her son was not old enough to be left behind while she went to work. Funny story (horror story depending on who you are), I was almost bitten by her dog while I knocked at her gate. Acting like the typical me, I screamed like a banshee as I grasped for straws that were not there. I could feel my heart pulsating aggressively in my chest as I stood outside the gate panting. Just as I was about to leave, feeling lucky to still have both of my legs, she arrived on a motorbike. Turns out she had recently opened up a salon so she told me to wait for her to get inside and change so we could head over there together. Of course, I waited outside the gate, it’s not like I wanted a second interaction with that bloodthirsty creature!

    As we headed to the salon, she told me that she now felt her son was old enough and she had gotten a sitter. She further explained that she had linked up with another woman and they had rented the stall together. The other lady – let’s call her Sylvia – was selling shoes, while she was running her salon in the same space. I thought that was a rather a subtle approach and I was proud of just how innovative the contemporary woman can get. Now they cost-shared on the rent, and had complementary businesses. I mean, I’ll visit the salon for the hair, but if I see some really nice shoes I will definitely go home with them.

    While I was getting my hair done, the topic of child birth came up (teren teren 😱). You can expect that to be a sensitive topic. Each one of us narrated their individual experiences and we compared the events involved and how they took place. I am becoming more and more surprised on just how often this specific conversation comes up. Somehow, sharing the various traumatic experiences of labour and child birth is just as satisfying as watching crime and murder documentaries – or even better. I also feel like it’s a great way for women to bond because in the instances I have seen the discussion come up, every woman is keen to listen to the other person’s story, and throws in the occasional “Right!” and “me too” in the conversation. In our conversation at the salon yesterday, we all seemed to agree that labour was so excruciating, but there are some women who do not experience the pain at all. Shocking, right?! Anyways, the conversation suddenly pivoted into the topic of miscarriages.

    Sylvia mentioned of how the musician Size 8 Reborn had had a miscarriage and just how unfortunate and sad it was. I then mentioned that around that time another famous lady – Aunty Jemimah – had also lost her child in a stillbirth. The conversation was solemn for a while as Sylvia explained how it was unfortunate that many celebrities had lost their children, and even added the case of Kambua who also lost her child sometime this year. Jane was of the opinion that these celebrity women should keep their pregnancies private because sometimes it is because of some people’s “evil eye” that they lose their pregnancies or babies. Jane went ahead to insinuate that these celebrity women’s pregnancies develop complications after overly-publicised baby showers and pregnancy shoots. But Sylvia jumped right in to correct her that Size 8 had indeed kept her pregnancy secret and had only just revealed she was pregnant when she developed complications and lost the pregnancy. So far nothing too contentious, right? But then Sylvia threw in a claim that left me in bewilderment.

    She argued that most of these celebrities, get miscarriages, still birth, and other pregnancy complications, as well as lose their babies soon after birth because of “the things they use.” At this point I was confused and asked her to explain. She explained that they use special products to prevent pregnancy and monthly periods that subsequently causes their misfortunes. On this front, they agreed with Jane and that confused me even more. I was confused because earlier on in the conversation, the two of them had cited that they were on contraceptives and that they have not gotten their periods since they embarked on them. Are these not some of the “things” the other women used too? Why did they have to be judged? Ooh, right, because they are celebrities.

    Sylvia was not done with her shock bombs. She pointed out that for Kambua’s case, she could not get a child for a long time, because she had waited for long before getting pregnant and trying to get a baby. I mean, but I have seen women get married in their mid-thirties and get pregnant pretty easily. Some young women also struggle to get pregnant. What does not getting a baby early got to do with anything? What is worse is that Kambua’s second baby unfortunately passed on after he was born. It was not about what Kambua possibly did or did not do.

    Sylvia also pointed out that some women get miscarriages because they have had multiple abortions. She explained that for a woman who has terminated many pregnancies, their bodies may understand that after for example 7 weeks, the pregnancy is supposed to be terminated, which causes miscarriages. This part I cannot confirm whether it’s true or not (for now). However, from the whole conversation it became clear to me just how many myths, biases, and stereotypes surround pregnancy and miscarriages. Celebrities are not the only women who lose their pregnancies, get still births, or have their babies die soon after they are born. These cases are more common than you can imagine. It’s just that for celebrities, we find out, and for the other people we do not. From that conversation, based on the two women’s intonations, their gestures and facial expressions, you could smell discrimination from a mile away. And I think that the contemporary woman needs to know that miscarriages are not the woman’s fault. About 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage! You seriously want to tell me that all these women brought it upon themselves?

    Some of the many many causes of miscarriage include: infections, exposure to environmental and workplace hazards such as high levels of radiation or toxic agents, hormonal irregularities, improper implantation of fertilized egg in the uterine lining, maternal age, uterine abnormalities, incompetent cervix, stress, accidents, and other spontaneous cause. I would like to dive into it but I am no medic, and I would not like to mislead anyone. Maybe I could get a doctor to elaborate more then give you all the details.

    The point is, there are so many cases of miscarriages and I feel like it is very unfortunate that these women get to be judged, faulted, and even shamed instead of being comforted. Even if a woman really did terminate their pregnancy, and that were proven (scientifically) to cause miscarriages, do they now deserve to lose all their pregnancies or babies soon after they are born? I think the contemporary woman needs to change their mind-set on miscarriages, stillbirths, and losing children. These women are already suffering from too much heartache to be judged. Let us be compassionate, and support each other.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️


    Nyambura Macharia

  • October is Offering you a Job: You Should Accept It!

    October is Offering you a Job: You Should Accept It!

    Can you believe it that we are already in October? It was literally just the other day that we started off the year. We were all hopeful after a ratchet 2020 we all wanted to end. 2021 was going to be our do-over year. Everyone expected, or at least I did, that 2021 was the year the Corona Virus would miraculously disappear and we would go back to leading our normal lives — or at least what is left of it. Well, sadly for all of us, that never happened, Covid-19 is still there as all we still have to adhere to all the Covid-19 guidelines from our overlords, including the much hated curfew! But it’s all good, if there is anything this virus has taught me, and most of you I am sure, is to be thankful for life.

    Okay, I am getting off-topic now, this article is about the great month of October, the month my mother was born!

    October is a special month to all women globally because it is the International Breast Cancer Awareness Month — BCAM. I have known this since I was in form 3. I remember there was an organization which came to our school to discuss breast cancer awareness. They also volunteered and gave free check-ups to every student in our school with the promise that they would provide preventive treatment to anyone who had the breast cancer genes 1 or 2 — ( BRCA 1) and ( BRCA 2).

    I was too scared to go get checked so I hid to avoid being forced, if it came to that. But I did examine myself during my hiding as was instructed. When doing a breast self-examination, the idea is to check for any unusual lumps  — you want to look out for any lumps that are inconsistent with the normal feel of your breast tissue and come with discomfort or pain when touched — while laying flat on your back. Of course self examination is not as comprehensive as a professional examination, but if done right, you are good to go sis!

    During the breast examination in school, one girl was actually discovered to have the BRCA gene, although I cannot remember where it was BRCA 1 or 2. All I remember is, the dreadful word spreading around the school was, “a girl from 4 North has a lump.” Everyone was so shocked, it seemed like a death sentence. The worst part was that we knew so little about it that she started getting stigmatized. She was “the girl with a lump” and we all behaved like it was communicable.

    It was not a sad story, even though my narration might make you think it was. In fact, as I see it now, it was a rather positive story for the contemporary woman. A story that reeks of hope that for sure, with early diagnosis, breast cancer is totally curable. As the organization had promised, “the girl with the lump,” — I cannot remember her name by the way, but her face stays forever in my mind because of the incident, plus I always found her to be gorgeous — received help.

    The members of the organization, ( I never got the name, or I just cannot remember. My bets are on the latter) enrolled her in their program. They would come pick her from school and take her for tests. Finally, she had an operation and the lump was successfully removed. What could have been a fatal illness was averted and she was free!

    What is the moral of the story you ask? Breast cancer can be fatal, but if detected early enough, it is very much treatable. The girl in my story got a happy ending because of an early diagnosis, and that is exactly what I am driving towards. Get yourself screened by a professional if your family has a history of either BRCA 1 or BRCA 2. For the rest of my fellow women, perform self examinations occasionally, watch out for any unusual lump, and even the slightest discomfort. Do not ignore anything, visit a physician!

    This is the only way that we can have more happy endings; Together we can fight Breast Cancer!

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia.

  • My 24th Year

    My 24th Year

    Out 24, In 25

    The Official Start of Adulthood…….Too late?? Recap on the transforming 24th Year.

    On Saturday 8th May 2021 at 9. 00 P.M, I officially started my 25th year. I am so excited but honestly freaking out at the same time. Growing up, I started school when I was young. So among my classmates and friends, I was always the younger one, the baby. But during my 24th year, my life changed. Like a shy little daisy flower, I bloomed.

    I significantly diversified my life this past year. I made friends from different ages and completely immersed myself in the world unlike my school years and my past years when I was always indoors and only knew my school friends, I realized that well, am not the youngest anymore. If anything, am a fully grown adult now and it is scary. I saw guys and girls celebrate their 19th 20th and 23rd birthdays and it clicked yes Nyambura, you have to be an adult now, you cannot continue hiding behind the “am still young, too young card.” You have to take full responsibility now, and I must say, Am looking foward to doing twenty fine!

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  • 5 Major Benefits of Self-Discipline that Prove It is Exactly What the Contemporary Woman Needs to Succeed   

    5 Major Benefits of Self-Discipline that Prove It is Exactly What the Contemporary Woman Needs to Succeed   

     Almost every successful person accounts their success to self-discipline. It is that cliché that we just keep hearing, just in diverse versions. The question is, is this really all it takes? Is self-discipline all that or is it just overhyped? As a contemporary woman striving to build a career for myself, build my physical strength and without compromising being a present mother, I have been actively working on building self-discipline. I can guarantee that on the days I stick to the daily routine I formulated, prioritized tasks and upheld tie management, I achieved so much—almost thrice as much as I do during the unplanned days.

    So, what do these benefits look like for the contemporary woman?

    You Achieve your Goals

    Yes, successful people—business owners, athletes, authors, and tycoons—do not lie when they attribute their success to self-discipline. In fact, as a woman dealing with the complexities of being a modern woman, one of the best things you can do for yourself is build self-discipline.

    “Self-discipline propels you towards your goals. By staying committed to the process, you increase the likelihood of success in both personal and professional endeavors,”

     Dr Pavana S.

    The Contemporary Woman is always busy, always multitasking. Women are working multiple jobs while still fulfilling their roles as mothers. So, when you add chasing your dream job or entrepreneurship venture to the mix, it becomes hectic. For you to be able to do all this without procrastination or giving in to the fatigue and a million distractions, you need self-benefits. It’s the only way you will achieve your goals.

    And women are doing it!

    You Experience Remarkably Increased Productivity 

    Self discipline includes creating a routine, time management and prioritizing tasks. By doing all these, you will experience fewer distractions and improved focus, which will ultimately contribute to a spike in your productivity levels. The fact is that by being a self-disciplined woman you get to work on your effectively and productively and still get to have a life. You still get to work out, go grocery shopping, meal prep, help with the kids’ homework, relax and binge on your favorite show and even have a social life. You become a boss babe!

    You Consciously Make Better Decisions

    Self-discipline requires you to prioritize tasks such that the most important tasks—the ones that contribute to the realization of your set goals—are done first. This ultimately translates to better-decision making because as a disciplined individual, you must weigh in on the importance of what you want to venture into as well as the consequences of your choices and actions. The best thing about the benefit of improved decision-making is that it will help you both in your professional and personal growth and development and propel you into becoming the woman of your dreams.

    You get Increased Self-Esteem and Confidence

    When you become self-disciplined so much that you start seeing improved productivity, you feel good about yourself. You feel worthy; like you can achieve that goal or dream that seemed way out of your reach. You love yourself; you are proud of yourself. It gets even better when you realize you are meeting some of your set goals, you are overcoming obstacles. You realize you are who you think you are! As a result, your self-esteem and confidence skyrocket. And from there, it only gets better, because the newly found esteem and self-confidence now become the fuel that propels you into a future full of even more achievements.

    Your Mental Health Improves. 

    Once you build self-discipline, it becomes a lifestyle. Time efficiency, high productivity and winning become part of who you are. This ultimately reduces your stress levels because you no longer have to deal with the stress of late deadlines, unfinished tasks and the anxiety that comes with procrastination. You evolve into a contemporary woman who always has a clear mind, a woman who is set on achieving her dreams and a woman with an overall enhanced mental well-being.

    One catch, however, that comes with self-discipline is that it differs for different people. This is based o various aspects such as the set goals, age, current situation among others. The less responsibilities you have, the less self-discipline you need to achieve your set goals. Also, the more you want to achieve, the more discipline you need. Generally, you need to tailor your discipline such that you are disciplined enough to meet all your responsibilities, conquer your challenges while working on your set goals. So, maybe, just maybe, you have not seen or experienced any benefits of self-discipline—or enough benefits—because you need to be much more disciplined than you already are. This is where I lie, but just like you, I’m working on it!

  • 5 Key Tips to Foster Self-Discipline for The Contemporary Woman—The Bonus Tip is the Secret  

    5 Key Tips to Foster Self-Discipline for The Contemporary Woman—The Bonus Tip is the Secret  

    The Contemporary woman oozes masculine energy—she is career oriented. She wants more than to be a mother or wife. Unfortunately, this only makes her life more complicated because it just adds more to her plate. This is where self-discipline comes in. As one of the said contemporary women—a mother—and a career woman, I find that managing time is what could make or break me. I know that if I perfectly harness the power of self-discipline, I can do it all.

    “The foundation of a strong self comes from small acts of daily discipline.”

    But self-discipline does not come easy, you have to sweat for it. You have to choose to do the small habits that will eventually build the character of the woman you want to be come. She is the one who will achieve your goals. It might be hard, but that will make the success that much sweeter. And while it might be hard, the key strategies below—when done correctly—are all you need.

    Set Clear Goals.

    Setting clear goals is the first step to realizing self-discipline. When you have clear goals, you know hat you are working for which comes with great determination and focus. It is also best to set realistic and achievable goals. As a contemporary woman juggling between the many nitty gritties of what it means to be a woman in the society today, breaking down your goals into short-term goals is deal. These goals are smaller, and seemingly doable—achievable. They make it easier to stay focused and motivated. The best part is that when you achieve these smaller goals, the thrill from achieving them becomes even more motivation that fuels you into completing the other set of smaller goals. And within no time, you have achieved those long-term big goals that seemed unachievable.  doable

    Create a Routine and Stick to it.

    Setting clear goals is easy, achieving them is not. After all, “success is 1% planning and 99% doing. So once you have the set goals, creating a daily routine is the holy grail that will help you achieve them. When you are juggling between being a traditional woman—mother, wife—and a modern career woman, chances are you always feel overwhelmed. You are almost always tired, stressed, and overstimulated because you have to block your feminine energy and tap into your masculine energy. This could result in procrastination because its never the ideal time to work on your goals. Creating a daily routine will clearly outline your daily tasks and help you work towards your set goals. Of course, the routine will only be effective once you stick to it.

    Prioritize Important Tasks

    Once again this comes down to the chaos that come with being a contemporary woman. You always have something or you to do, whether it’s for yourself or for others. To ensure you are focused on achieving your set goals, prioritize your tasks, because the idea that you can do it all only weighs you down when you find out you cannot.  Identify the most important tasks you need t complete each day and focus on accomplishing them first. Prioritize them on your daily routine. This way, your activities will ne more organized, fewer, and this will stop you from feeling overwhelmed.  

    Be heavy on Time Management.

    At this point I right sound like a broken record but being a woman is a lot! It comes with plenty of responsibilities especially when you are a mother and a career woman. Is a lot. This way, apart from creating a routine and prioritizing tasks, practicing time management is the only way to accomplish your set goals.  Time management helps you to do so much work, I seemingly very little time. It helps you to curb all the distractions that come in between tasks enabling you to be tie efficient. It relieves you off the mental load and the anxiety of always feeling you have so much to do, but not enough time.

    Consistency is Key

    When all is said and done, it all comes down to consistency. How consistent are you in creating a routine, prioritizing tasks, and managing time? How consistent are you in building self-discipline? To build self-discipline ad realize your goals, you must stick to your daily routine, even when you do not feel like it. You must stay consistent, do what it takes, because that’s what it takes.

    “True freedom is impossible without a mind made free by discipline.”

    Bonus Tip: Have an Accountability Partner

    I know we said staying consistent is the way to achieve self-discipline but when you are doing it alone, it might be hard to do it. When you are not accountable to anyone, it means no one will know whether you do it or not. So technically, you will not feel like you failed. This is why for a bonus tip, I decided to weigh in on the magic that is having an accountability partner. Share your goals with someone —preferable someone with as much drive as you, someone you hold in high regards. They will keep you committed and motivated to building discipline to achieve your set goals. Because apart from yourself you want to make them proud too.

  •  7 Major Signs of Blocked Feminine Energy in the Contemporary Woman

     7 Major Signs of Blocked Feminine Energy in the Contemporary Woman

    Most women of the 21st century were raised by women who were oppressed by the societal stereotypes of women. Women who felt it was their femininity which was holding them back. These women were very adamant on empowering girls. The cherry on top, of course, was the rise, and growth of feminism.

    This was great. It led to the rise of women in leadership, powerful women. Unfortunately, it also resulted in masculine women. These women raised us to believe we couldn’t make it while we still maintained our feminine energy. We had to lose it. So now we are dealing with an epidemic of women who have zero to very little femininity in them. Because femininity was associated with weakness.

    This resulted in the rise of a generation of women who are more masculine than feminine—women with blocked feminine energy. Sadly, these women are almost always stressed, overwhelmed and fatigued. Because masculine energy is not what comes naturally to women.

    Women just had to mimic masculine energy to survive. To get a seat at the table. Because the generation of women before us felt that is what was necessary for women to thrive in the patriarchal world of toxic masculinity that was very averse during their time.

    But women are meant to be “soft” “emotional” and empathetic. These are the traits that make for great women leaders. Because these are traits that do not come naturally to men. So, this is where women outdo men.

    So, what are the most rampant signs to look out for to identify whether your femininity is blocked?

    You have a  Do it All Attitude

    This is the biggest sign you are out of touch with your feminine energy. Feminine energy is more inclined towards sharing, collaboration and diplomacy. Masculine energy, on the other hand, is inclined towards the need to control, to take charge, to lead. Thus, as a woman, if you find yourself refusing help so you can do everything all by yourself, even when it’s hard because you feel you will be giving up control, that’s a HUGE RED FLAG! Get back in your femininity and let people assist you. It’s less work and you get time to relax and do your skincare for that undeniable feminine GLOW!

    You Don’t Take Care of yourself. 

    Nothing saying feminine energy more than a woman taking care of herself. Minding about your appearance, hair, scent, clothes etc. A woman deep in her feminine energy even takes longer showers.  So, when you find that you do not care about yourself, the scent you wear, you are not specific about the lotion you use, and have no single product meant to elevate how you feel or appear as a woman. When you realize there is no difference between your grooming routine and that of man, your feminine energy is definitely blocked.

    You Consider Femininity as Weakness.

    Most contemporary women, as stated before- were raised to believe that the more we tap into our masculine energy, the more powerful we become—Think like a man. The society also made it seem like we have to compete with men which meant being more like them, and not competing with them by being better women. This is misinformation but unfortunately, most of us were already brainwashed by it before we knew any better. This is why, most women who are more inclined to their masculine energy see femininity as weakness. The truth is, being soft, empathetic, compassionate does not make you weak as a women, instead it makes you a WOMAN. While it is not your fault if you deem femininity to be weakness—because that is what you were raised to believe—you do hold the power to change that.

    You do not Connect with your Intuition

    It is a fact that women have stronger intuition compared to men. In fact, feminine energy strongly relies on intuition to make decisions. Without connecting with your intuition, you do not trust your thoughts and feeling—your gut. This results in women making irrational or desperate decisions or simply use logic while blocking your feelings (intuition) resulting in unwise decisions and choices that would otherwise have been avoided.  

    You are Always competing with Men—Trying to Prove Yourself

    Masculinity is based on competition and thrives on acknowledgement from others. Men lobe to prove themselves to others, just to feed their ego. So, if you find yourself as a woman always trying to affirm your value through your accomplishments, your femininity might be blocked. It’s even worse if you find yourself constantly comparing your progress or achievements to men because it means you feel you will only be validated if you prove yourself to them.

    You Attract Weak Men

    Women with blocked feminine energy tend to always attract weak mean. When are woman is more inclined to her masculinity somehow attract men who are more inclined towards their feminine energy. So, if you people telling you that you ‘wear the pants” in the relationship—or learn this yourself because you are always the one initiating date and any other plans within the relation—this is your proof that your femininity is blocked.

    You Struggle with Romantic Relationships

    Women with blocked femininity have a very hard time staying in romantic relationships. If you are such a woman, you women are to focused on their careers that they do not have time for romantic relationships. As a masculine woman, you will also consider romantic relationships to be a waste of time—time that you would rather spend working. Another common dynamic is that as a masculine woman, you hate feeling controlled, inferior. Unfortunately, to sustain a relationship you must compromise, you are accountable to another person. A woman who is threatened by all these cannot sustain a relationship.

  • Are you a Single Mother or a Single Woman?

    Are you a Single Mother or a Single Woman?

    Yes, there is a difference

    Today, there are so many new words, terminologies and ways for people to define themselves especially in regards to their sexuality. It’s so hard to keep up and you can find yourself in trouble for using the wrong label on a person. Similarly, many relationships do not seem to last these days, divorce is at an all-time high. This means that the dynamics of relationships and homes have significantly changed. A perfect example is the rise of situationships even in marriages where many couples find themselves living as mere “roommates,” and even the “throuple” marriages. everything is confusing with so many burred lines.

    This raises the question to many women, are you a single mother or a single woman? Because with the vast change in dynamics, it is easy to confuse and mislabel the two.

    A single mother generally means a woman who raises her child(ren) alone. So yes, there are women who are married but are single mothers. It is worse for these mothers because they have an additional child in their husbands. The situation is even worse for married single mothers whose husbands are alcoholics and drug addicts who steal from them and even physically abuse them as it adds to their burden. Most of these women are mostly in rural areas where the idea of marriage is over-glorified. This means that even when a woman leaves an abusive marriage, they are considered a failure because “it is the woman who builds her home. “

    But there is good news, there are modern women who are single mothers by choice. The dynamics of the world today mean that women have more freedom, and more options. So, some women choose not to engage in relationships or marriage seeing that they are so fickle today—and instead, they choose to be mothers.

    So, who is a single woman?

    A single woman is a woman who is not married or not in a relationship. This means that even when a woman is single and is also a mother, but co-parents with their children’s father, they cannot consider themselves single mothers. The aspect of being a single mother only comes into play in the context of parenting alone. But when a father is actively present in the lives of his children, then a woman cannot consider herself a single mother because they do not go through the parent’s emotional and financial burden of doing everything alone.

    So, what is the take away?

    A single mother is not to be confused with a single woman or vice versa. And better yet, there are married single mothers and there are single women with children.  

  • What is Post Separation Abuse? What are the Various Post separation Abuse Tactics?

    What is Post Separation Abuse? What are the Various Post separation Abuse Tactics?

    Domestic Violence (DV) is a very common occurrence in marriages, and sadly even typical boyfriend girlfriend relationships. However, in the case of marriage, leaving is more difficult since a marriage involves more ties and becomes even more twisted when there are children involved. Because of this, many partners, especially women stay in abusive marriages to protect their children. Because they do not want their children to come from a “broken home.” In other cases, women fear that when they leave, their partners will no longer care for their children, or even be available for them which makes them feel like they will deprive their children of their father which is enough guilt to make them go through years of torture and literally hell on earth.

    The good thing is that today, there is more information and successful cases of divorce and separation which help women to know that they do not have to live through the hell.  So finally, when their partners finally hit the last straw that breaks the camel’s back, many contemporary women leave. Mostly because they fear for their lives and in worst cases because they fear for that of their children, and because they know better. The problem is these people who support women and advise them to leave their toxic marriages or relationships sell them this idea that once you leave, that’s it! Your life goes back to being all smooth and perfect. The phrase mostly used is to sell this bliss is that “you go back to being a girl.”

    “Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love.”

    Jennifer Weiner

    While this happens to many women—successful divorces—the dynamic is quite different for those who were married to abusive narcissist and especially those who had been married for years, built assets together and better yet, had kids together.

    Unfortunately, the patriarchy is so deeply rooted that now that the contemporary woman has learned to run away from domestic violence through divorce, there now comes the rise of a different type of abuse, , The Post Separation Abuse. This abuse continues to escalate and might even surpass the domestic violence that was in the marriage. This is especially when the abuser is bitter, they were left, and is narcissistic enough to blame the victim for leaving mostly saying that they want to turn the children against them. The abusive ex-partner hates that they no longer have control over the situation so they attempt to gain some level of control over the situation in any way they know how.

    This can manifest in various post separation abuse tactics:

    • Stalking and Threats- This is the most common form of PSA. The toxic partner(ex) actively bombards the healthy partner with phone calls manipulative, abusive, and threatening messages. They even go to the extent of monitoring the whereabouts of the healthy partner on social media and even physically and impose physical threats.
    • Isolation-The toxic partner spreads lies rumours, and made-up narratives to the friends, family, and entire community of the safe parent just to destroy their reputation and make it seem like they were the problem.
    • Neglectful and/or Abusive Parenting- This is also one of the most prevalent forms of PSA. In these cases, the toxic parent exposes children to unsafe content, threatens them, uses violence, manipulation, ridicule, and always putting their needs above those of their children.
    • Counter Parenting- In counter parenting, the toxic parent opposes the other parent’s parenting just to spite them. This includes withholding and denying them content for certain child needs even during serious situations such as medical needs.
    • Legal Abuse- In some incidents the toxic partners misuses court proceedings to harass intimidate, coerce and emotionally and financially drain the healthy partner, especially when they gain legal custody of the children.
    • Financial Abuse- This yet another famous form of PSA. This involves the toxic ex-partner withholding, mismanaging and or delaying support payments even when they are ordered by the court. The toxic person might even go to the extent of blocking bank account jeopardizing the career growth of the safe parent among others, just to make them despair.
    • Coercive Control- For this form of abuse, post separation abuse narcissist creates a sense of fear to the healthy partner and safe parent’s life. They constantly belittle, undermine, criticize, gaslight, manipulate and emotionally abuse them just to regain some form of power and control over them. This is the most common form of PSA in the case of broken “come we stay” marriages.
    Post Separation Abuse Wheel OMB

    Unfortunately, the only somewhat related resources to help victims of Post Separation Abuse are mediators, attorneys, and judges, and these unfortunately do not distinguish PSA from high-conflict divorces. Thus, victims of PSA only get help during the few months of the divorce as they deal with paternity cases and custody battles after which they are left on their own to deal with the gruesome PSA that only grows.

    All this may just seem theoretical but there are many contemporary women (and men) dealing with severe Post Separation Abuse and its time that people spoke up about it such that there is educate information on how to navigate it.

  • The Phases of the Menstrual Cycle, their Impacts on Women’s Moods and Emotions and How Best to Deal with them.

    May is the menstrual month and as we come to an end, I realize that while some people know about menstruation and the hygienic requirements as well as the pain that comes with it, there isn’t adequate information on the general cycle of menstruation. Did you know the menstrual cycle has four specific stages which are the highest determinants of your moods and general feeling throughout the month? You didn’t? Believe it or not, you are part of the majority.

     Oh, you did? That’s good, but I bet you could use a refresher, and deeper information on these stages while we educate those who did not. In this article, we delve into the four stages of the menstrual cycle and their impact on women’s moods and emotions. By understanding these physiological and psychological changes, women can gain insights into their emotional well-being throughout the month.

    The menstrual cycle is a complex and natural process that occurs in women of reproductive age. It typically lasts for about 28 days, although variations are common. While we are all taught this, we are just but told that during our periods, we will experience mood swings, or that a few days before your menses come, you may find yourself overly emotional and crying from the tiniest of things. But nobody every really explains the hormonal and psychological changes that result in these changes. Fortunately, we are getting more empowered, curious, and ready to remove discuss openly and widely the issues impacting women, including the four distinct phases of menstruation and the exact impact each has. This cycle encompasses four distinct phases, each characterized by unique hormonal fluctuations and physiological changes.

    RELATED POSTS: How Old were You When You When You got Your First Periods? (The Menstrual Month of May)

    1. Menstruation Phase (Day 1-5)

    The menstrual phase marks the beginning of the menstrual cycle. This is the most popular menstrual phase because of the flow which makes is hard to miss, literally.  During this stage, hormone levels, particularly estrogen and progesterone, are at their lowest. This dip in emotions is exactly why you (we) are moody, sad, irritably and or highly sensitive. Menstruation also comes with physical discomfort, such as cramps, bloating, and fatigue, and diarrhea which causes even more irritability.  

    2. Follicular Phase (Day 6-14)

    After the menstrual phase follows the follicular phase. During this phase, the pituitary gland releases follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), which triggers the growth of follicles in the ovaries. These follicles produce estrogen, leading to the thickening of the uterine lining. As estrogen levels rise, women often experience a surge in energy, improved concentration, and an overall positive mood. This phase is commonly associated with a sense of renewed vitality and increased sociability. Needless to say, this is my favorite phase, and possibly every women’s favorite phase. Because not only do we have more estrogen levels which boost our moods, but we are also experiencing the joy and relief from the nightmare that is menstruation.

    3. Ovulation (Day 14)

    The third phase of the menstrual cycle, the ovulatory phase, occurs around the 14th of the menstrual cycle. However, this can vary depending with the length of a woman’s entire cycle. During this brief period a mature egg is released from the ovary and travels down the fallopian tube, making it available for fertilization. Estrogen levels reach their peak just before ovulation making women the most fertile during this stage. Additionally, some women may experience a surge in luteinizing hormone (LH) during this phase, making it the perfect to try for a baby for the woman who wants one. The best part about this stage is that due to the peak in estrogen levels, many women report being more emotionally stable and feeling more confident, attractive, and sexually aroused during this phase. The only down to this phase and the reason its not my favorite phase is because I belong to the group of women who experience mild ovulation pain.

    4. Luteal Phase (Day 15-28)

    After the high of ovulation, the luteal phase begins. During this phase, the ruptured follicle transforms into the corpus luteum, which produces progesterone. Progesterone prepares the uterus for potential pregnancy by thickening the uterine lining. However, if fertilization does not occur during the ovulation phase, hormone levels start to decline. This results in various physical symptoms in women ranging from breast tenderness, bloating, and fatigue. Moreover, the sudden drop in estrogen and progesterone levels results in the worst of mood swings, irritability, and even premenstrual syndrome (PMS) symptoms, such as anxiety and depression. As a result, this has to be the worst menstrual phase for most women because while it may not have as much physical pain as the menstrual phase, it has adverse emotional turmoil especially depression, anxiety, self-doubt.

    So how do we deal with these menstrual phases?

    First, it is vital to recognize and acknowledge that women’s moods and emotions are influenced not only by hormonal changes but also by various external factors and personal circumstances. However, these hormonal fluctuations during the menstrual cycle can impact neurotransmitters in the brain, such as serotonin and dopamine, which play a crucial role in regulating our general mood and emotions and it is out of our control. Therefore, the best we , you can do as a woman is being aware of these cyclical changes which can help you understand each stage or at least bear each stage gracefully knowing that even the deepest emotional pit that could come with the luteal phase will pass. Fortunately, the contemporary woman has this and more information to their disposal such that they (we) know that there is nothing wrong with us, but rather it is our nature. Even best is that we can get multiple support systems from other women and women-oriented communities which make it easier to bear these phases. Above everything else, Self-Care. Protect yourself, love yourself, and give yourself, your body and mind, exactly what it needs to bear each of these stages. This ranges from relaxation, comfort food, meditation, tough love and physical exercise.  

  • 10 Things Mothers Really Want for Mother’s Day: Celebrating the Unconditional Love

    10 Things Mothers Really Want for Mother’s Day: Celebrating the Unconditional Love

    Mother’s Day is a special occasion that allows us to express our gratitude and appreciation for the incredible women in our lives. It’s a time to celebrate the unconditional love that mothers provide, and to recognize their immeasurable contributions to our well-being. On this day, it’s important to go beyond the typical flowers and chocolates and truly understand what mothers truly want. In this article, we will explore ten things that mothers really want for Mother’s Day, highlighting the significance of their unconditional love. Every year on Mother’s Day, there is the old tale of, mothers should be celebrated every day and so Mother’s Day is not that special. Please, let’s leave that mindset in Mother’s Day 2022 and before. As from this Mother’s Day, let’s take the opportunity to go beyond the ordinary and make mothers feel genuinely appreciated because even the smallest of gestures would suffice. As a mother of two now, I believe that I have garnered ample suffering and expertise in motherhood and set my roots enough to confidently outline 10 things I believe mothers really want o Mother’s Day -Of course I consulted other mothers too.   

    The Unconditional Love of Mothers

    A Mother’s Love Knows No Bounds

    A mother’s love is unlike any other. It knows no bounds and is characterized by its depth, selflessness, and unwavering nature. From the moment a child is born, a mother’s love becomes the guiding force in their lives. It is a love that transcends all obstacles and challenges, providing a sense of security and comfort.

    Sacrifices and Selflessness

    Mothers make countless sacrifices for their children. They put their needs and desires aside to prioritize the well-being and happiness of their families. Whether it’s staying up all night to comfort a sick child or working multiple jobs to provide for their family, mothers exemplify selflessness in its truest form.

    Unwavering Support and Encouragement

    Mothers are the ultimate cheerleaders. They provide unwavering support and encouragement, pushing their children to reach their full potential. Whether it’s attending every soccer game, recital, or school play, mothers are there, cheering on their children and providing a sense of comfort and motivation.

    10 Things Mothers Really Want for Mother’s Day

    Quality Time Together

    One of the most precious gifts a mother can receive is quality time spent with her loved ones. In our fast-paced lives, it’s easy to get caught up in daily routines and forget to pause and truly connect. This Mother’s Day, make it a point to spend uninterrupted time with your mother, engaging in meaningful conversations and creating lasting memories.

    A Break from Responsibilities

    Mothers are constantly juggling multiple responsibilities, from managing the household to taking care of their children’s needs. On Mother’s Day, give your mother a break from her daily duties. Take over the chores, cook her favorite meal, and allow her to relax and rejuvenate.

    Thoughtful Gestures and Acts of Kindness

    Small gestures of kindness can go a long way in making a mother feel cherished and loved. Surprise her with breakfast in bed, write her a heartfelt letter, or simply give her a warm hug. These simple acts of kindness will make her feel appreciated and valued.

    Words of Appreciation and Gratitude

    Expressing your appreciation and gratitude is a powerful way to make your mother feel loved on Mother’s Day. Take the time to tell her how much she means to you and how grateful you are for everything she has done. Let your words come from the heart and make her understand the profound impact she has had on your life.

    Pampering and Self-Care

    Mothers often put their own needs on hold to prioritize their families. This Mother’s Day, pamper your mother and encourage her to indulge in some much-needed self-care. Arrange a spa day, book a massage or facial, or create a relaxing environment at home where she can unwind and rejuvenate.

    Meaningful Gifts with Sentimental Value

    While material gifts can be a thoughtful gesture, what truly matters to mothers are gifts with sentimental value. Consider something that holds a special meaning or represents a cherished memory. It could be a piece of jewelry, a personalized photo album, or a handwritten journal filled with memories and heartfelt messages.

    Surprises and Delightful Moments

    Create delightful surprises for your mother throughout the day. It could be a surprise visit from a family member or friend she hasn’t seen in a while, a beautifully arranged bouquet of her favorite flowers, or tickets to a show or concert she has been wanting to attend. These unexpected moments of joy will make her day even more special.

    Creating Lasting Memories

    Mother’s Day is an opportunity to create lasting memories with your mother. Plan a day filled with activities she enjoys, such as going for a picnic, taking a nature walk, or cooking a meal together. Capture these moments through photographs or videos, ensuring that the memories will be cherished for years to come.

    Recognition and Validation

    Mothers often underestimate the impact they have on their families. Take the time to recognize and validate their efforts. Acknowledge their achievements, strengths, and the positive influence they have had on your life. Let them know that their love and dedication have not gone unnoticed.

    Unconditional Love and Support

    Above all, what mothers truly want is to feel loved, supported, and appreciated unconditionally. Show your mother that she is valued for who she is, not just for what she does. Remind her that your love is unwavering and that you are grateful for the immeasurable love she gives without expecting anything in return.

    Bonus Tip

    Mothers are selfless kind and understanding, eve the smallest of gestures goes a long way. Above all, remember that showing her love and appreciation in her love language is King.

    Conclusion

    Mother’s Day is a special occasion to celebrate the unconditional love and selflessness of mothers. It’s an opportunity to go beyond traditional gifts and truly understand what mothers really want. By spending quality time together, expressing appreciation, pampering them, and creating lasting memories, we can make Mother’s Day a truly memorable and meaningful experience for the incredible women in our lives.

    RELATED POSTS: Happy Mother’s Day to the Contemporary Woman! Happy Birthday to Me

    The Untold Thorny Matrix of Motherhood

    FAQs (Frequently Asked Questions)

    Q1: Why is it important to recognize and validate a mother’s efforts?

    Recognizing and validating a mother’s efforts acknowledges her sacrifices and challenges, boosts her self-esteem, strengthens the bond between mother and child, and provides the emotional support she needs.

    Q2: How can I show my appreciation and validate my mother’s efforts?

    You can show your appreciation and validate your mother’s efforts by expressing gratitude, acknowledging her achievements, and demonstrating your love and support through words and actions.

    Q3: What are some ways to validate a mother’s efforts on Mother’s Day?

    You can validate a mother’s efforts on Mother’s Day by spending quality time together, expressing your gratitude and appreciation, and acknowledging her unconditional love and sacrifices.

    Q4: How does validation impact a mother’s well-being?

    Validation boosts a mother’s self-esteem, provides emotional support, and reminds her that her efforts are valued and appreciated. It can have a positive impact on her overall well-being and happiness.

    Q5: Why is it important to strengthen the bond between a mother and her children?

    Strengthening the bond between a mother and her children fosters open communication, trust, and understanding. It creates a sense of connection and deepens the emotional relationship between them.

  • Are you feeling Evil for being Jealous? Jealousy is not just a Normal Feeling, but Could be the Feeling that Makes You

    Are you feeling Evil for being Jealous? Jealousy is not just a Normal Feeling, but Could be the Feeling that Makes You

    Regardless of how much people try to make jealously feel like the vilest of all emotions-and rightfully so-It is a very normal and common emotion. In relationships, jealousy is not only normal, but very rampant and not just in romantic relationships but in parent, siblings, and friends’ relationships. In fact, everyone experiences jealousy at some point in their lives. In fact, we should be happy when we get jealous. I am happy when I am jealous, because it means that I am challenged, and I feel that I too need to work hard enough to also have that which I am jealous about. The problem with jealousy only arises when one moves from being a healthy emotion to a negative unhealthy and irrational emotion.

    What Exactly is Jealousy?

    Jealousy is the feeling of resentment, bitterness of hostility when someone owns something you do not. This ranges from social advantage, a trait, money, success, a relationship, gamily, among many other things. When a person is jealous, they wish they too had what the other person has and may become anxious, depressed, or bitter that they do not have it especially because of the uncertainty of whether or not they ever will. Now in the case of positive jealous, despite this feeling of jealousy, these people are able to be happy for the other person and feel challenged and motivated to work for their own and wait for their turn. This is the opposite of negative and unhealthy jealousy. In these cases, these persons are livid. They are so consumed by the spirit of jealousy that not hate or feel the need to steal from the other person or destroy what they have. The worst part is that they can hide their jealousy in compliments while writhing in their morbid jealousy. This is the type of jealousy in the bible which is described as a sin. People with this type of jealousy are dangerous so much that they cause harm. If you believe in superstitions you possibly believe that one form of their jealousy incarnate is in the form of witchcraft.

    What is the Contemporary Woman mostly Jealous of?

    The success of contemporary woman is lucky enough is fortunately, determined by multiple diverse aspects. This is unlike in the case of the traditional woman whose success was solely judged by her marriage and family. While this is a good thing-the fact hat modern women now have multiple aspects defining them, it adds to their pressure since while they want the career, they also want the family which makes it even harder. In this regard, contemporary women are jealous of their friends who have achieved several of the aspects which are considered the societal determinants of their success. These include:

    • A successful career
    • A lavish wedding
    • A huge social media presence
    • Wealth
    • A happy family

    How to Overcome Jealousy

    Dispute being a normal and common emotion, Jealousy can be overwhelming to a person, even in the case where it’s healthy jealousy. It gets worse when its unhealthy jealousy because it causes enmity and drives a huge wedge between relationships and could result in hatred that is passed down generations, especially in families. Henceforth, it is best to overcome jealousy even when it might seem difficult to do. There are various ways to do this which include but are not limited to:

    • Remembering and being grateful for what you have.
    • Trace jealousy back to its source and work towards getting your own
    • Confide in a trusted friend
    • Consider the full picture behind that which you are jealous about—you might just realize that you have it, just in a different way.
    • Be patient with yourself and trust that your time is coming.
    • Remember your own value, and your features or blessings that other people might be jealous about too.
    • In extreme cases, consider seeing a therapist.

    How can I use Jealousy to my Advantage

    People view jealousy like it’s this extremely evil feeling, but actually, jealously can be extremely helpful, informative and the feeling that builds you-when used positively.

    Here are some of the ways in which jealousy could actually be good for you.

    Jealousy can help you focus on your goals– Dr. Michelle Foster, a clinical psychologist and co-director of the Toronto Psychology thinks this, and so do I.  One of the main things that trigger jealously for TCW and everyone else, is career success. Thus, if you viewed this with benign jealously and instead of being malicious take up the challenge, you will work even harder and focus so you can get the same success and be able to get rid of the jealousy.

    Jealousy can help you address certain things in your life– Jealousy can be so eye opening in the context that if you feel jealous to the point where your jealousy becomes malicious. Maybe this is a sign for you to check yourself and understand why you are getting these feelings and work on controlling them even if it means going for therapy instead of acting on the harmful and malicious actions of negative jealousy.

    Generally, contrary to popular opinion, jealousy can be the greatest feeling you ever felt! Life changing really. It is normal, and a feeling triggered by other people having something you greatly desire but do not have. Thus, to grow, put yourself in situations that make you jealous.

    RELATED POST: The Most Toxic Person in Your life Can be Yourself-and so Can Your Biggest Fan!

  • The Father’s Day that was

    The Father’s Day that was

    Let us circle back, or if you may, reflect on the day that was yesterday—Father’s Day.

    First, I loved just how much publicity this year’s Father’s Day received. I mean, never have I ever seen so much recognition of the day. In fact, I saw Murugi Munyi on her I.G page say that men needed to create more P.R around their day so that its celebrated more. Well, Of course it cannot be celebrated as much as Mother’s Day, but even half of it wouldn’t hurt right? Maybe in the future, baby steps.

    Anyway, back to my very strong opinion on the day.


    First, of course, as earlier stated, I loved that I saw many people make appreciation posts in honor of their fathers, including those who have departed. I love that people have gained enough courtesy and compassion to acknowledge that it might be a gloomy day for those whose fathers are not alive.

    Second, and this might be the most important. You know how I am always preaching unlearning and relearning? I loved seeing it yesterday. I saw it on contemporary mothers who albeit being single mothers did not make the posts of wishing themselves father’s day. Now I am not saying this is bad. Single mothers step up and have to fill into the shoes of both parents. But you see, the bitter truth is that as a mother, you can only do so much. So I loved that despite these women acknowledging that they are the sole parents of their children, they also acknowledged and made peace with the bitter truth that they cannot be their fathers. And what I loved most, is seeing such women acknowledge the man (men) in their lives who in one way or the other filled the gap of a father figure, that their children needed. If you ask me, that is just beautiful.

    Third, I loved seeing men raised by single mothers posting their mothers yesterday–I might not say it with enough weight, but I honestly, really loved that. To me, it was so deep, because it means that these men actually feel and appreciate that their mothers filled the void that they lacked from having a dad. They might not have literally been a father figure in their lives, but they worked hard enough that these men felt complete and content–even without a father figure in their lives.

    Coming from men, I found these posts extremely rich seeing that men always complain that single mothers are acknowledged on father’s Day. So, to me, the idea that some men, do feel the need to acknowledge their mothers of Father’s Day is also part of what I advocate for, relearning, and it’s wonderful.

    Fourth, I noticed that in most, if not all of the posts, the underlying message was, “Happy father’s Day to all deserving fathers.” Now this is to mean that many people understand that you can be a father just by the title, but if you don’t own up to it, or wear the shoes or the title, then are you really a father?

    Finally, I just loved reading the appreciation posts on fathers. It makes me feel so warm inside knowing that many people had fathers and or father figures who really hoisted them up and shaped them into the people they are today. Yes, I agree, sometimes fathers are forgotten. It was good to see them remembered.

    Because even though it silent, a father’s love is priceless 😊😊

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia.

  • The Most Toxic Person in Your life Can be Yourself-and so Can Your Biggest Fan!

    The Most Toxic Person in Your life Can be Yourself-and so Can Your Biggest Fan!

    I took a much-needed (or was it?) sabbatical these past two months. Well, if I’m being honest, it was just supposed to be a short break but thanks to self-doubt, procrastination, and well life, what was supposed to be a two weeks break escalated to a two months break which might have just been what I needed, or maybe not, who knows? Oh yes, I do. While it might have been necessary, at first, I think it was a bit exaggerated.

    While I was away, I loved that I could still see some growth on my page, well even though small, it was good affirmation for my soul. Also, while I was away, so much happened in the public eye­, that affected the contemporary woman, so yes, it really caught my attention and I’m sure going to address it in due time.   

    What I have learnt during my sabbatical of self-evaluation and well, procrastination, is that you cannot pour from an empty cup. You must always, take care of yourself, even when it means sometimes, taking a break, and or focusing on one thing first.

    Almost Empty Spilled Water Glass

    And do you know what else I have realized; you must always be ready and able to stand on your own. Be your cheer leader, your greatest fan. It doesn’t matter who told you they got your back. Because you know what, they might not always be there-they too are busy slaying their own demons and might not always be at your beck and call. Or even worse, as it is in the human nature, they might change, you might fall apart, etc. So, who will hold you then if not yourself!

    Interestingly, being ready to stand up for yourself includes standing for yourself, from yourself. You’ve got to learn to be sick and tired of your own shit. Your own poor choices, your excuses, your poor patterns, bad behavior, and toxic characters. This is the only way you’ll totally learn to be the best version, by keeping not only being your biggest cheerleader, but also your greatest critic. Because honestly, sometimes, we really are our biggest setbacks, it’s not even funny. ­­­

    Oh, and guess what, you see those things that are always triggering you, you have to learn how to deal with them. Because nobody cares, and people cannot always walk on egg shells to protect you.  It’s not their responsibility to protect you. Yes! that is just how selfish and ruthless the world is. It is up to you and only you to learn how to survive.

    Finally, I have heard this quite a lot, and I just didn’t know how true it was. Here it is, you’ve got to unlearn so much of what you know or believe in. because well, you were taught by adults who were also learning. And maybe it was best suited for their time and now it just doesn’t cut it today. Or ̶̶and this is quite a twist- you were taught by adults who didn’t know any better, probably because they were still learning and figuring things out themselves.  

    So, what I’m I trying to say? You know that deep passion we always have when talking about our woes and misery. How you have been and/ or are going through a lot. We need to learn how to channel that same passion and more when addressing the good in our lives. And maybe then, we’ll learn that it really isn’t that bad. Or maybe, just how easily we can make it work for us.

    ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Nyambura Macharia

  • My Mother’s Story Part Two: Getting Help

    My Mother’s Story Part Two: Getting Help

    We had quite a smooth trip after which we arrived at the hospital  around 10:30 a.m. I remember thinking, we are only thirty minutes late, that’s got to be some kind of record I’ve made(I’m always late, which makes everyone late) However, just as we were about to get in the hospital, we got the shock of a lifetime. We had left behind the most important documents of all. Well, not literal documents–the CT and MRI scans. This is what would have been referred to as a classic Joyce move, had I been the one given the responsibility to carry the images. I still don’t understand how the images were left behind. But in hindsight, I believe that it was really God’s way of showing us that–like my mother had said before–everything was happening just as He had planned.

    December, 2022

    Despite our disappointment, we really had to think fast, and organized for the images to be sent through a matatu. This would take 3 hours for us to get them but what choice did we have? Also, coincidentally that day, Dr. F.Koech, the one my mother had an appointment with, was running late. Now this was a blessing in disguise, and part of God’s plan, because we could not see him without the scans. Three hours past and the driver said he was still on his way. Apparently, there was a lot of traffic jam as the road was under construction. At this point we had started to panic because doctor F.Koech had arrived. But who is God? Turned out he first had to go round the wards checking on the other patients and possibly discharging those he deemed fit. I must say that, the wait had become too long that we had started to get sceptical about the efficiency of the hospital. But it’s just because we were anxious and scared of history repeating itself–shame on us for doubting them.

    In an hour’s time, we already had the images and we were carefully directed to the waiting room–just me and my mother. There were quite a number of people waiting which was sad because they all had the big CT and MRI scans. It was sad because I realized just how many people are dealing with health issues everyday, and just how far some travel to find medical help. Seeing my mom, the nurse who took her blood pressure was so sympathetic. She pulled me to the side and told me, “I really wish you could see the doctor first, but it will be unfair since the others have also waited, seeing that he was late today.” However, she told me that after the first five patients went in, she would squeeze us in. And to her word, she did. That meant that in less than 30 minutes after the scans arrived, it was our turn to see the doctor. 😊

    Finally, he sighed, looked at my mother and asked, “Mama you mean all this time you have not been helped?” “naona umesumbuka na umezunguka sana,” he added. He then finished with, “Lakini usijali, umefika.”

    At this point I really had to ask whether he could help her just to be sure, and he said yes. Again he rechecked the images (which I loved, because it showed he really was being meticulous in his work). The interesting thing was that he never even once examined my mom. Nothing, he just carefully analyzed the images. After around 15 minutes, he now started explaining to us, her exact condition and what really needed to be done to treat her. He told us that as a neurosurgeon he would be the main surgeon, but her tumour covered other areas. Thus, he needed a team of surgeons; an eye surgeon, an ENT surgeon, and a beautician (I intentionally avoided using their professional names since this isn’t a medical blog). My mother was shook when he heard this because she had heard it before in her previous hospital and it had taken a year. But to our surprise, Dr. Koech started making the phone calls immediately. My mother and I were in total bewilderment when he said that she could even have the surgery that night! I mean literally, “tulikua tumefika.”

    Sadly, the ENT specialist was not available  as he was scheduled for another surgery later that night. However, he promised to be fully available the following day. By this time, it was around 5 p.m. so we really did not mind waiting until the following day. I mean, my mother had waited a whole year! Plus, actually it was for the better, so that we’d all have settled in and rested from the journey. We thanked Dr. Koech and headed to the admission desk where he directed us.

    The following day, February 19th, we were told by the hospital that my mother would need at least 12 pints of blood for her surgery. This meant that we had to find donors so that the world blood bank would provide the paints of blood. Remember my brother and I had never once, set foot in Eldoret. Luckily, Leroy’s dad had, and his cousin-brother was fortunately in Eldoret. We then called my cousin who called some of her friends to come donate–she had schooled in Eldoret  and pretty much grown up there. God was seriously overseeing everything for us because when we could not find enough people to donate—some of us were deemed ineligible to donate–we were given an exception.

    Finally, around 3 p.m, my mother was wheeled into the theatre room, and we did not see her until the following day. Get this, my brother and I were the signatories to her surgery. I know I’m a mother, but that has to be the  most  “adult” responsibility ever. During the surgery, my brother and I stayed outside the hospital, trying as much as we could to avoid that discussion–I honestly think distraction is the best way to handle tough situations. Still, it was hard to avoid the many calls which kept coming in, especially on mom’s phone.

    At around 9 p.m, one nurse came and told me that my mother was out of surgery and had been wheeled to the I.C.U and we could see her the following morning (I was the only one allowed to sleep in the hospital, as the caretaker)  She said it with a smile so even though she didn’t tell me, I knew the surgery was a success. I called everyone who had contacted me, informed them and finally I could sleep.

    The following morning my brother was at the hospital by 6:30 a.m. and fifteen minutes later we went to see her. Miraculously, she was already awake, and the swelling, was gone! We could barely acknowledge the bandage on her head, nor the discomfort she must have been in from excitement. She was back to her “old self.’’ Believe me, it was almost unreal! The good thing was that she was not in pain as the stitched part was still numb, and she was under heavy pain medication.

    The third day, she was stable and she was transferred to the ward. At least there, I’d keep her company so she wouldn’t get bored. We stayed at the hospital for ten days through which we were treated with uttermost professionalism, hospitality and kindness. By the time we were discharged, my mother might not have been fully healed, but her improvement was nothing short of a miracle. And for that, we’ll forever be grateful to God, and the entire Tophill hospital fraternity. Because that is where we got help.

    One year later, my mother is doing so much better and resuming her normal life 😊

    ❤❤❤❤

    Nyambura Macharia